


Building Walls, Breaking Them Down, Becoming Whole

by K8Jax83



Series: Finding The Piece I Didn't Know Was Missing [2]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bullying, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Familiar Story - Alternative POV, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, Internalised Homophobia, Lust to love, M/M, Mild reference to abuse, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Unrequited Love, holiday romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 83,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27761260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K8Jax83/pseuds/K8Jax83
Summary: Ben Mitchell thought he’d had everything he would even need in life. He had a family, home and life he loved. He couldn’t imagine ever needing anything more. That was until someone walked into his life and changed everything. Helping him find the missing piece of the puzzle. A piece he never realised he was missing and one he certainly wasn’t looking for.OrPart 2 of Clinging On, Letting Go, Finding Happiness. Telling the story from Ben’s POV and seeing what happens after that ended.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Finding The Piece I Didn't Know Was Missing [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030827
Comments: 161
Kudos: 113





	1. Building Walls

**Author's Note:**

> Well after the lovely response I had to the first part of this story and the requests for me to write it from Ben’s POV, I have come up with this version of it. I have tried to follow the structure of the first story so the first chapter is all about Ben’s background and how he ended up where he was. As we go along you will find some parts are repeated, particularly the dialogue and events. (I hope this will be ok) Though I have tried really hard make include Ben’s thoughts and perspective on it. I am also planning to write an extra part of the story, detailing what happens after we left them in the last. 
> 
> It can be read as a stand alone story but if you want to read both, I would recommend reading part 1 first as this contains spoilers for that part. 
> 
> I have almost completed the story. so plan to upload every few days. That way I should be on a schedule to edit what I’ve done and update regularly. 
> 
> I apologise if I have missed any mistakes when proof reading. Anyway as always please feel free to let me know what you think. Especially in regards as to this is what you wanted from the request for Ben’s POV.
> 
> I really hope you like it :-)

If someone had told Ben a few years ago, that he’d be stood in this position right now, he would have laughed at them. He’d always thought he’d had everything he’d ever needed out of life. For the most part he was happy and everything made sense to him. It had never occurred to him that anything was missing and he certainly wasn’t looking for anything to make his life complete. Yet here he was standing in a beautiful restaurant over looking the sea, holding the final piece of the puzzle in his arms. The one that had fully brought him to life and given him one of the greatest gifts anyone could hope to receive, true love.

Love was something that he wasn’t always surrounded with growing up. He’d had the odd glimmer of it in his early life, when his Mum was still around. She’d always given Ben affection, fuelling his love of musicals, dancing and trying to encourage him to be the person he wanted. Unfortunately she left when he was seven, he never really understood why. Just that her new husband needed to get away and it wasn’t convenient for a Ben to go with them. It broke his heart, he felt abandoned and completely alone, knowing that his own mother didn’t choose him or make him her top priority. Ben was forced to go and live with his father and that’s everything around him seemed to implode, leaving nothing but a trail of destruction in its wake. Phil Mitchell was a man who believed showing kindness and affection was a weakness. The only thing he seemed to show any kind of fondness for was alcohol. He certainly didn’t have any spare for Ben, who he wanted to make a real man. Constantly putting him down, mocking Ben’s interests and trying to force him to follow his. He made Ben feel inadequate and a failure. Nothing Ben did was ever good enough, all he ever got was criticism. Whenever Phil was questioned as to why he treated Ben that way, he always justified it as character building, telling people he needed toughening up. Ben had an older brother from his Mum’s first marriage. He visited occasionally but they weren’t close and he had his own family, which meant he never had time for Ben. During this time the only other person who’d shown Ben affection was his Gran, she’d always been supportive of Ben’s interests and encouraged him to be himself. Providing him with the warmth and light, in the dark and cold wilderness of his childhood. When she died Ben felt like he’d lost the last remaining person, who truly understood or loved him for who he was. He felt lost in a wasteland, with little hope of ever being able to find his was out From time to time, he thought he found a bond with the latest woman in his father’s life. Two or three times he built a relationship with them, only for their relationship with Phil to break down and them to disappear from Ben’s life. Each time Ben felt abandoned and alone, that he wasn’t worth staying around for. His father never gave him any sympathy, he just became more determined to make him a real man. Whether that was the occasional physical blow or the more frequent verbal bashing, Phil was determined to put Ben in his place. That’s why Ben felt the need to hide his true self away, afraid what would happen if his Dad saw the true him.

This determination to hide himself away, not let anyone in and fight to prove himself to his Dad, took over everything else. He became good at building walls and not letting anyone get through. That was until he met Jay. Jay and him were similar in so many ways, both coming from broken homes, absent parents, both feeling like outsiders. Meeting on the first day of high school, they became close instantly. They did everything together and Ben felt more comfortable with Jay than he ever had with anyone. He was like the brother he wished he had. It was the first time Ben acknowledged that family wasn’t always something you are born into, sometimes you can make your own. Jay was the first person to notice Ben was a bit different to other boys. He was the first person who came close to discovering the hidden truth Ben hoped he could keep buried forever. By the time they were fourteen, Jay had developed keen interest in the girls at school, always trying to get Ben to join in with his plans to woo the latest object of his affection. Ben tried really hard to show as much enthusiasm as his friend but he could never find anyone that piqued his excitement. He’d join in with lengthy kissing sessions but felt nothing, just empty afterwards. He hated it but it made his Dad proud to see him with any girl so Ben kept up the pretence. Jay started to see how it affected his friend, that he was so desperate to prove himself to his dad and how miserable it made him. Every time he tried to broach the subject, Ben would get defensive and deny everything. Jay hoped that eventually Ben would be able to be true to himself and vowed to be there for him whenever that day came.

When they were sixteen things changed drastically for them. That’s when they became friends with Abby and Lola. Abby and Jay hit it off instantly, they started dating and it wasn’t long before they lost their virginities to each other. Jay couldn’t wait to share the news with Ben, wanting his friend to know how special it felt to be with her. The thought of being like that with a girl made Ben feel sick, he found himself disgusted by the idea and hated himself for feeling the way he did. Abby tried to push Lola and Ben together romantically and although he liked spending time with her, Ben never felt any spark with her. They got on really well and she became one of his best friends but that was as far as it went, neither of them seemed interested in pursuing anything more. Ben soon realised that Lola only had eyes for one man and unfortunately for her he was dating her best friend. Ben and Lola provided each other with a source of company and comfort whilst Jay and Abby were together, both of them feeling less lonely at losing their best friend to their first big love.

Another thing that changed that year was the arrival of a new P.E teacher at school. Mr Clarke was a handsome, athletic man, whose body was muscular and toned. He also had a warm nature and his smile had many of the girls swooning. However it wasn’t just the girls he seemed to have an affect on. As soon as Ben set eyes on him, he felt something he never had before. He found it hard to concentrate in lessons because he was staring into his green eyes. Every time he was near him, his pulse rate increased dramatically, he began to sweat and butterflies flapped wildly in his stomach. The one time he patted Ben on the back, he felt a spark flow through him, making his whole body tingle and his groin stirring in a way it never had before. It terrified Ben that a man could have that affect on him, knowing that no girl ever had. His father would be so ashamed if he knew his son had such thoughts. He found himself feeling dirty, that all the things he felt were wrong. Lola, Abby and Jay all noticed a sudden change in Ben, seeing him becoming more and more withdrawn. They tried to get him to talk to them but he was too afraid to admit the truth, fearing they would hate him as much as he hated himself. Ultimately events one weekend, when Abby took advantage of an empty house and threw a party, proved to be a pivotal turning point in Ben’s life. Both he and Lola were both feeling down about their current situations and decided the best way to deal with things was to drink themselves into a state where both could forget their troubles. Ben noticed Lola was getting increasingly saddened by the contestant public displays of affection between Jay and Abby. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she stormed off to one of the bedrooms and Ben followed her, wanting to check on his friend.

He peered his head round the door, tentatively and spotted that she was crying. Stepping in he announced his arrival gently as to not unsettle her. “You okay?” he questioned softly.

Lola wiped her tears away quickly, not wanting him to see her turmoil. “Fine, just needed a minute. Only so much you can take of watching people suck face before you start to feel sick!” She exclaimed.

Ben huffed out a small laugh then nodded. “Yeh I know what you mean. Want some company?” he asked. She just shrugged in response and Ben took that as acceptance and walked over to the bed sitting next to her. “So you wanna talk about what’s really botherin you?”

Lola tried to feign confusion and knitted her eyebrows together as she looked down. “Don’t know what you mean?”

“Come on Lo,” Ben insisted, “You don’t have to pretend with me. This is about Jay innit? You like him.” he said softly.

Lola looked horrified at the thought she’d been caught out. “I don’t know what you’re talkin about.” Her denial was strong.

Ben placed a hand on her shoulder and tried not to sound too patronising as he spoke. “I’ve seen the way you look at him Lo, it’s pretty obvious.”

Lola tensed her whole body and her face turned stern. “What like the way you look at Mr Clarke you mean?” she snarled defensively. Ben’s face glowed red, with a mixture of fury and shame. Anger that she’d been so vile to him, when he was just trying to be a good friend, shame that she’d possibly uncovered his secret.

“You’ve obviously had way too much booze!” he snapped back at her removing his arm from her shoulder. “What the hell d’you think you’re playin at suggestin somethin like that. It’s sick!” Ben went to stand and walk away and he felt a tug on his arm.

Lola looked guilty, “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…there ain’t nothin wrong with it you know…I mean if you did like him.” She tried to reassure him.

Ben was far too annoyed to listen to her and he certainly didn’t want to admit that she could be right. “Well I ain’t like that!” he denied any implication firmly. “Just cos your feelin shit, don’t take it out on me right!” Lola had pulled him close so their faces were close together, there was an air of tension between them.

Lola could obviously feel it too, “I’m sorry….I didn’t mean to….” She cupped his face as she spoke, trying to show both comfort and affection for him. The tension eased but there was a moment between them, fuelled by the alcohol that ran through their veins. Lola leant forward and kissed him. Ben pulled away at first, feeling awkward, nervous and empty. More than anything he wanted her to be wrong and to feel the way he should by being kissed by a pretty girl. Before he had time to think about it he kissed her back. Desperately wanting to prove her wrong and prove to himself he wasn’t the way he suspected. He made a decision on impulse, one that would affect his whole life. They ended up sleeping together; both wanting to find answers and comfort; both seeking to fill a void they had in their lives. As it turned out both got answers, just not the ones they wanted. Ben’s worst fears seemed to be realised when it confirmed what Ben suspected. The whole experience felt wrong and unnatural. The whole time he was thinking of someone else, wishing it was them he was connected to. In his mind that could only mean one thing, he was gay. It confirmed to Lola that she was in love with Jay, thinking of him the whole time she was with Ben. Afterwards they lay there in uncomfortable silence. Neither knowing what to say, both knowing they’d made a huge mistake.

Eventually Lola couldn’t take it anymore. “Erm…well that was…erm..”

Ben couldn’t allow himself to lie to her, she was one of his best friends and he really didn’t want to lose her friendship. “A mistake,” he mumbled coyly.

Lola breathed a huge sigh of relief, “I’m so glad you said that.” She chuckled. “Not that it wasn’t nice…just think we did it for the wrong reasons.” Ben let out a small puff of air and nodded. “So erm…did it help you figure things out?” Lola clearly wanted to help her friend and wasn’t about to let it go. Ben’s mind had a whirlwind swirling rapidly in it. He was trying hard to fight the feelings that had been stirred up, he closed his eyes tightly hoping Lola would not push. Lola could see his turmoil and turned his head to look at her. “Think it’s about time we were both honest…don’t you?” she paused waiting for Ben to respond, when he didn’t she continued. “Okay. I’ll go first. I think I might be in love with Jay. I hoped bein with you would help me forget him…but it didn’t.”

Ben smiled warmly at her, “Maybe you need to tell him Lo. He don’t have a clue how you feel. It might change things.” Ben wasn’t sure it would but he knew that maybe Jay needed to know.

Lola shook her head firmly, “I can’t! I could never do that to Abby. She’s my best mate and I don’t wanna lose her. I can’t say anythin, I don’t want a stupid crush to come between us.” Ben nodded, he admired Lola’s loyalty. “What about you?” She clearly wasn’t going to back down on this.

“Well…” Ben took a deep breath, knowing that he could no longer deny the truth. “I think…I…erm…well…I might be gay.” He dropped his head, terrified of what her reaction might be.

Lola elbowed him in the ribs, “That good was it. Turned you off women for life!” Ben looked up horrified, shaking his head. “I’m jokin you idiot!” Lola reassured him sensing discomfort. “It’s okay.”

“It ain’t though is it Lo! It’s wrong! My Dad is gonna kill me. I’m disgusting!” A stray tear escaped Ben’s eye and rolled over his cheek. He knew he could no longer deny it but he also knew it would never be okay.

“Hey.” Lola pulled him into a strong embrace and held him tightly. Ben released all his emotion and began sobbing loudly. “You ain’t disgustin.

There ain’t nothin wrong with it. You are who you are and I think your pretty amazin.”

Ben pulled away from her looking at her in bewilderment. “So you don’t hate me?” he sobbed.

“Never!” She asserted. “You’re one of my best friends and I love you and so does Jay and Abby. We’ll be here for you no matter what!” Ben just hugged her tightly, that moment changed his life. He finally accepted who he was and was able to tell someone about it. Him and Lola agreed not to tell anyone about what happened between them and she promised she’d keep his secret until he was ready to tell his friends. It didn’t take long for him to tell Jay, he didn’t feel right about him not knowing when Lola did. He gave Ben his full support and told him he would be there for him no matter what, that he was proud of him. Jay was so happy that Ben finally was allowing himself to be the real him. Abby found out as all the others knew and again she was supportive. For the first time in his life he felt accepted and comfortable in his own skin. That he had people in his life who loved him for him.

Like most things in his life the feeling of happiness didn’t last long and everything was about to change forever. About a month later Lola discovered she was pregnant. Both her and Ben were shocked and terrified about what was going to happen. Although it wasn’t what either had planned for their life, they both instantly knew they wanted to keep their baby. Neither could explain why but they knew that they wanted to be a family. Perhaps it wasn’t the conventional way but both saw it as a chance to start again, make their own family. Phil’s response was almost exactly what Ben had expected, angry that he could be so stupid but proud he was finally a real man. What Ben hadn’t anticipated was, his want for Ben and Lola to move in with him and raise the baby in his home. Fearful of what could happen if Phil became part of their life and what affect that could have on his baby, he did the only thing he knew would keep his father away. He told him the truth, that he was gay. The beating he received as a result was worth it, it meant he could finally get away from his father and meant he had perfect reason to keep his child away from him. As he was still sixteen, he was placed in the guardianship of his older brother. Ben and his brother had never been close but it meant he had a roof over his head and was finally free from from his Dad’s clutches. In the summer, he left school and was determined to find a way to provide for his child. His brother owned a restaurant and gave Ben a job. Ben worked all the hours he could. Jay also got a job there and the two of them grew even closer. Jay had been shocked at first when he found out about Ben and Lola but he stood by them both and was determined to support them. They talked about maybe owning their own bar one day and began to dream of what it could be like.

A few months later, Ben was given the greatest and most precious gift he ever had in his life. His daughter Lexi was born. The second Ben held her in his arms he knew his world was changed forever. His heart was full of love for this tiny little person, whose little finger gripped his hand so tightly. It was the first time he understood the meaning of true love, his heart felt fit to burst with the joy she bought into his world. He vowed to make sure she would always be his number one priority and no matter what, her happiness came first. He was determined to be the best father he could for her and allow her to be who she wanted, safe in the knowledge that he would love her unconditionally. When Phil tried to gain access to Lexi it pushed him to make another great change in his life. He knew he needed to get away from London, to keep Lexi safe at all costs and protect her. Lola was more than happy to go with him, the last thing she wanted was for Phil to be anywhere near Lexi, knowing what he had done to Ben. Lola had family on the coast and her and Ben stayed with them, Ben getting a job in a local restaurant to help support them. Jay initially stayed in London to be with Abby but after about a year their relationship ended and he joined them. The four of them found their own place to live and soon became a proper family of their own. Before long Jay and Lola grew closer and Lola finally admitted her true feelings for him. Jay was surprised but admitted that he’d recently grown to love her too. They decided to give a relationship a go. Ben was apprehensive at first, worried about what would happen if things didn’t work out. The last thing he wanted was for him and Lexi to be caught in the middle of any break-up. Eventually though he saw how much they loved each other and gave them his blessing. He was happy for his friends and couldn’t think of a better person to be a Step-Dad to Lexi.

Ben finally started to feel he had all he’d ever needed in his life. The only thing he hadn’t yet explored was his sexuality. After his experience with Lola he was certain he was gay but he hadn’t actually been with another man. Lola and Lexi had soon become his priority and any ideas of romance had become unimportant. Ben had never seen a settled relationship growing up, neither of his parents able to set a good example for him in that area. He’d decided he wasn’t going to allow Lexi to be messed around like he had been. There was no way he was going to allow someone into his life to get close to him and Lexi for things not to work out and Lexi to be hurt in the process. After all everyone who had ever professed to love him had left him, apart from Lola and Jay. There was no way he was ever going to take the risk. He decided that he was happy to not explore anything and focus on providing a secure life for his family. Unbeknownst to Ben though that was about to change, when he got to know one of his colleagues at work a little better. Scott was slightly older than Ben and worked behind the bar in the restaurant. He was openly gay and unashamed of who he was. Ben and him got on well and Ben admired his openness and sense of freedom. He would always talk about his conquests and how he had no plans to settle down. Ben wished he could live his life that way but he didn’t have the confidence. He’d never been with a man before and felt like he’d have no clue what he was doing. Despite doing research, reading and watching things that might help him learn how to do things, he still didn’t feel secure in his ability to please a man. Eventually Scott picked up on the fact Ben was gay and decided to talk to him about it. He liked Ben and felt like he wanted to help him.

“So. What’s your story?” he asked Ben one night as they cleaned up after closing.

Ben felt nervous, he felt like he was being examined and he didn’t know why. “What d’you mean?” he asked nervously.

“Well you and Lo aren’t together but you have a kid right?” Scott seemed genuinely interested in Ben’s story.

Ben nodded, “Yeh we were just kids, both had too much to drink, both feeling lonely. Sorta just happened. She’s with Jay now, to be honest that’s what she wanted from the start. I was just a low rent substitute.” Ben laughed awkwardly

“Right.” Scott responded with a quizzical look on his face. “And what about you? You not met anyone else?”

All of a sudden Ben felt very nervous, he knew what he was but he’d never truly explored it. Trying to explain that to a man who was so open and experienced filled him with a sense of dread. “Nah. I just decided to focus on Lexi. Can get complicated bringing someone else in the mix.” He hoped his vague explanation would be enough the appease Scott’s curiosity. Of course it didn’t.

“What and you’re telling me a guy as hot as you doesn’t get any offers?” Scott looked at Ben in a way no one had before.

Ben didn’t know what to make of it, he felt very exposed and couldn’t help the blush that spread across his face. “It ain’t that simple,” he mumbled, clearly uncomfortable by having the spotlight on him.

“What isn’t?” Scott was determined to push this and Ben eventually knew there was no point but to relent. For some reason Ben felt like he could trust him and that he wouldn’t judge him.

Ben tensed his shoulders, still not finding it easy to be open with people and responded quietly, “Well I’m pretty sure I’m gay actually.”

Scott’s eyes widened and a knowing smile spread across his face. “Pretty sure?”

Ben sighed deeply. “Well…erm…I’ve never actually been with a bloke.” He admitted awkwardly. “So I guess I’ve never had it confirmed.”

Scott nodded and smiled sympathetically. “Wow…mate you really don’t know what your missing out on. You should get yourself out there, have a little fun exploring.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” Ben scoffed, “I ain’t got a clue what I’m doin. Wouldn’t know where to start.” Ben dropped his head to his chest, going to hide his obvious embarrassment.

Scott looked at him curiously for a minute. “Maybe I could help you out?” he muttered cautiously. Ben’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he held his hands out gesturing that he didn’t know what Scott was suggesting. Scott sensed his unease so decided to elaborate. “I mean I ain’t interested in a relationship, just so we’re clear. But I’m happy to have a night with you and show you the ropes…If you want?”

Ben was completely taken aback, he liked Scott, admired him even but had never considered this could be an option. “I’m not sure.” he moaned slightly. “What if it makes things awkward between us?”

“No reason why it should!” Scott replied. “Look you ain’t after anything serious you just said your main focus is your family. All I’m suggesting is one night. We have fun. I show you what things can do with a guy and that’s it. No strings, no expectations, no judgement. Afterwards we just go back to being mates and maybe you can go and chase your own fun.” Scott’s offer did sound tempting and the thought of finally being with a man definitely had an affect on Ben. He felt a sensation in his groin that he hadn’t before with anyone since Mr Clarke. Scott was similar to him in a way, he had fair hair and blue eyes. His body was toned and well defined. The more Ben looked at him the more he saw how attractive he was. In the end he realised what he said made sense. It could finally be a way to explore all the desires he’d had within himself for years. In the end, he decided to just go for it. 

“Okay,” agreed shyly. “When?”

Scott smiled and licked his lips, “How about tonight? Got no better offers and that way you can’t talk yourself of it.” Scott was so confident and Ben felt desire he hadn’t before. He found himself complying with the suggestion and after they’d finished up he headed back to Scott’s flat. That night he allowed himself to experience all the sensations on offer. Scott admitted he normally didn’t kiss on the mouth as it was quite intimate and gave the wrong impression about what he wanted. However he wanted Ben to explore all options so he allowed it to happen. Ben couldn’t get over how natural it felt to have another man’s lips pressed against his. It made him feel alive in a way he never had before. The rest of the night Ben totally immersed himself in the experience, allowing Scott to show him a range of ways to give and receive sexual gratification. He got a sense of what kind of things he liked and felt confident that he could maybe have a good time with any man. It was confirmation that he was definitely gay, having felt natural and exhilarating in a way it never did with Lola. When it was over Scott allowed him to stay over, again making it clear that he wouldn’t normally but as it was Ben’s first experience he didn’t want to just kick him out. Ben felt thankful that he had time to process all that had happened. As he lay next to Scott, he knew he didn’t feel any loving feelings towards him and was satisfied what had occurred was purely physical. In a way it made him feel more complete, knowing that he could achieve sexual satisfaction without emotion. It meant he could be free to be who he wanted, without risking someone getting close and infiltrating his family. From that moment he vowed to be like Scott, be open, have fun and never have to commit to a relationship. It was the perfect way to live his life as it meant he could still focus on putting Lexi first and not risk her getting hurt in the process. He set himself some rules to make sure he protected himself. It was clear what he wanted, no kissing, no repeat performances, unless it was someone who was particularly good and then it happened no more than twice. He also decided he would never bring anyone back to his home, that would be allowing them into his personal space and he needed to keep this side of his life separate.

For a long time this worked for him. He went from not being with anyone to finding someone to satisfy him nearly every night. With each new person he was with, he learned more about what he liked and what he was comfortable with. He became confident in his abilities to not only flirt but pleasure any man he ended up with. Lola and Jay were initially concerned about this new lifestyle choice. They had seen how amazing it was to find that one special person to share a life was and couldn’t help feel that Ben was missing out on this by choosing to live his life this way. Eventually they decided to let him be and were happy he wasn’t trying to hide or deny himself anymore. They loved seeing the new confident side to Ben and how comfortable he was in his own skin. Things worked for them and their family and they finally felt settled and happy.

Just before Lexi turned three, things changed again. The restaurant boss decided to open a bar on one of the Spanish islands and invited Ben, Jay and Lola to go over and work with him. After careful consideration they all decided it would be a great opportunity. Particularly for Ben as it meant he could put even more distance between him and his father. Ben had also developed a love for being near the ocean and the thought that he could wake up everyday overlooking a beautiful beach, thrilled him more than anything had before. It was the fresh start they all needed and it felt like the final step in establishing their family. They found an apartment overlooking the beach to live in and it wasn’t long before it felt like home. When Ben thought about it, it was the first place that had truly felt like home. Being with holiday makers, made his lifestyle choice even easier as well. The island was full of men who came looking for fun. Working in the bar, made it easy for Ben to meet people to spend the night with. It made it easy for him to follow his rules as anyone who did get ideas about holiday romance and long lasting love, could be easily dismissed and would disappear home in a short space of time. Ben finally felt like he had everything sorted out in is life and it stayed that way for years. His rules kept him and his family safe and he finally felt like he had everything he would ever need. That was until one night, when a tall, handsome man, with the most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever seen came into bar. Little did he know that that man would force Ben to break all his own rules and cause his walls to come crashing down. That that man was about to change his life forever.


	2. New Experiences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to anyone who read, commented or left kudos on the first chapter. It really does mean a lot to me to hear people enjoyed it. 
> 
> This next part will be familiar. It is the first time we see the same event from Ben’s perspective. I hope it comes across okay and is still enjoyable. Please free to let me know your thoughts. 
> 
> I apologise if I’ve missed any errors when proofreading.
> 
> I hope you like how this pans out :-)

The night that it all started had begun like any other night. Ben had gone to work and his shift ran like it normally did. The only difference being it was a rare evening when Jay was on shift with him and Ben was enjoying having his brother for company. That’s how they always saw each other, right from the very early days of their friendship. Now though that was what they had become officially known as to anyone who knew them. Over the last month or so, the bar had become increasingly busy, with the early season holiday makers. Ben loved it when the Summer season began as it meant he had more choice of who to reward his company with that evening. It was getting quite late in the evening and Ben had spotted a few possible candidates but no one that had particularly excited him. That was until a group of young men came in, clearly on a lads holiday. At first Ben didn’t feel like he should waste the energy on looking too closely at them. Usually groups of men like that, weren’t generally interested in having fun with him. Most of the time they were straight and looking forward a group of women to fulfil their needs and amuse them for the evening. Ben didn’t pay any attention to them and went back to serving. Every so often he lifted his head, scanning the crowd looking anyone who might be a potential target for him. It was when he heard a familiar accent, that his eyes were drawn back to the group he’d seen earlier and in particular one man grabbed his attention. He was taken in by the most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever seen, that and the most striking of smiles, which was currently lighting up the room. For some reason he seemed to stand out from the other men he was with. Although he was clearly trying to join in with their conversation, he seemed a little more shy and reserved. It was clear he wasn’t as at ease as the others and Ben couldn’t help be intrigued. His attention was soon diverted back to the bar as it became busy and he needed to serve, helping him to put aside his wonder about the striking man.

A little while later Ben found himself in his element, serving behind the bar, using his natural charisma to charm the customers. He loved his job as it gave him the freedom to talk to different people. The Ben he was now was a million miles away from the shy, awkward boy who was too afraid to let anyone see the real him. Now he embraced who he was and didn’t care what anyone else thought. Confidence exuded him as he served his customers, flirting unashamedly and seeing if anyone took the bait. A little while later, he pleasantly surprised when after retrieving some bottles from the fridge, he turned to see the blue eyed man, who’d captured his interest earlier, staring at him. He immediately raised his eyebrows at him while grinning at him. The man dropped his head, embarrassed at being caught. Ben could see his cheeks begin to redden and he knew that he’d found himself an easy target for the night, realising why the man had caught his eye in the first place. When he finished serving his current customer, he made sure he headed straight over to the man. Approaching him slowly, he was determined to take control of the situation, like a predator capturing his prey. “See somethin you liked did you?” he asked with a devilish smirk. 

The man was clearly taken back by Ben’s forwardness, not expecting him to respond to his obvious interest. “I erm…didn’t mean to…” the man stumbled over his words. Ben’s heart fluttered a little at how adorable the man was. For a second he considered leaving him alone, he almost didn’t want to string him along, as he worried he could be someone who got easily attached. The man’s friend mouthed something to him, although Ben couldn’t make out but before long he found himself surprised by the man’s reply. “Just admirin the view!” he stated quite assuredly.

His response caught Ben off guard. He raised his eyebrows and rolled his bottom lip in his teeth suggestively. He couldn’t deny that this air of confidence in this man was arousing. Desperate to try and remain in charge of the situation, he knew he had to respond confidently, “Well it has been said that my arse is one of the best things you’ll see round these parts.” He winked. The man blushed instantly but smiled back. Ben knew he had the upper hand and maintained his confidence to keep it, “What can I get you? I’d recommend somethin in a bottle of you want a second look.”

The man was clearly appreciative of Ben’s obvious flirting and wanted to become an active participant in the conversation. “Well in that case we’ll have six bottles of lager please,” he said quite flirtatiously. Ben beamed and walked over to the fridge, deliberately bending incredibly slowly to entice his willing victim. He enjoyed the feeling of the man’s eyes burning into him and felt his body flush with heat slightly.

As he turned back towards the man he placed the drinks on the bar and looked the man straight in the eye, before looking him up and down. Ben had to admit that he liked what he saw. At first he’d obviously been drawn the the vast, beautiful eyes and captivating smile. However as he looked more closely, he noticed how appealing his physique was. He was tall and fairly toned, with a subtly muscular frame. Ben felt a sense of excitement at the prospect of finding out more about what was hidden underneath the loose shirt and tight jeans. “Have to say…view ain’t bad from where I’m standin either.” Ben almost purred, letting the man know he was interested. Once again the man blushed and Ben enjoyed the reaction he could elicit from him. The man smiled widely and held Ben’s gaze confidently. “Right well that will be twenty four euros please.” Ben had to remind himself what he was actually supposed to be doing and requested the payment for the drinks. The man took his wallet out of his pocket and retrieved notes from it. He handed them to Ben and their hands grazed each other’s slightly. Ben felt a surge of what felt like electricity flow through him, it unsettled him as he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt anything akin to this before. Perhaps the time Mr Clarke had patted his back but then he was a naïve kid, who hadn’t figured out what or who he was. Now he was a fully grown man and knew exactly what he wanted. It unnerved him a little that he’d had this sensation from the slightest touch from this man. He knew he found the man highly attractive, but it was almost like his body was having its own physical reaction. He couldn’t explain it and was unsure how to respond. For the first time in a long time he felt like he may be about to lose control.

Luckily he didn’t have to consider it for too long as the man spoke again. “Have one for yourself!” he insisted again flashing Ben one of those smiles.

Ben smiled and nodded as he released his hand. “Cheers mate. Might have to save it til the end of my shift. Which is at 2am in case your interested?” He again raised his eyes suggestively.

The man just smiled and nodded. “Well that depends on whether I get a better offer!” Again Ben was a little taken aback by his assured attitude. He’d never met someone who could switch their demeanour so quickly. One minute he was blushing at the slightest flirtation, the next he was flirting back confidently. Ben couldn’t deny he found both sides of him appealing. He had one final card which he could play to maybe ensure that the outcome of their exchange would be to his satisfaction.

He leaned over the bar and breathed against the man’s neck as he whispered in his ear, “I guarantee you won’t.” Knowing that the feeling of his breath against the man’s skin would have an affect on him. It was a trick he played often, one that always got a man eating out of the palm of his hands. He then turned away and walked to serve the next customer. As the man walked back to his group Ben took a sly look at him. Noticing how pert his backside looked in those jeans, he felt a tightness in his own trousers at the thought of getting more closely acquainted with it later. Throughout the next hour he looked over to the man several times, awarding him a kind smile whenever their eyes met and receiving one in return. After a while the man and the group stood up to leave, he caught Ben’s eye once again and Ben tilted his head up to acknowledge him. He couldn’t help feel disappointed that he was leaving yet he was hopeful he would return later.

As the evening drew on the bar became gradually less busy. Ben kept an eye out for someone else who might be worthy of going home with but was unable to find anyone who piqued his interest as much as the man from earlier. Throughout the rest of the night he kept looking towards the entrance, hoping he would come back and wait for him. By the end of his shift him and Jay were left cleaning up and Ben thought that it was unlikely that the man would return now. Normally he wouldn’t care but for some reason he felt a sense of disappointment. There was something about the man that had got to Ben in a way many men didn’t. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was but he felt saddened that he may never find out. Once the bar was closed down, him and Jay grabbed their things and headed out of the door together.

Jay was quite surprised that Ben was joining him on his walk home. “Wow you’re actually coming back with me!” he teased. “You off your game tonight or somethin?”

Ben scoffed, “When am I ever off my game?” Jay rolled his eyes at him. “Just the talent wasn’t up to much tonight.”

“I saw you flirtin with that one guy. Almost felt sorry for the poor bloke.” Jay joked. “Obviously didn’t give him enough credit though, he musta been immune to your charms.”

Ben screwed his face up and glared at him, “Erm…No one is immune to my charms. I’m irresistible.” He then smirked in his usual fashion.

“Yeh…that or easy.” Ben loved the witty back and forth him and Jay shared. He’d always been comfortable to express himself with Jay and that like their friendship had been one constant in his life.

He was just about to give him another comeback when he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. A huge grin spread across his face as the man from earlier rose from where he was sitting on nearby bench. “Well it looks like my powers of seduction are still top notch!” he said gesturing towards the man. “Don’t wait up!”

Jay shook his head and smiled, “When do I ever wait up for you? Would never get any blinkin sleep. Be safe yeh!” He said holding his hand up for Ben to grab in their usual gesture of friendship. Ben nodded and then turned away to confidently stride towards the man.

As he walked over, he could see the man looked excited by the prospect of Ben approaching him. In this light he looked even more attractive than he had in the bar, his deep, blue eyes seeming to sparkle in the moonlight. His eyes scanned his body from head to toe and he tilted his head to the side in appreciation for what he saw. “Told you you wouldn’t get a better offer!” he said knowingly.

The man seemed nervous, “Guess not eh,” he replied coyly.

Ben could sense he was anxious, though he couldn’t quite figure out why. “So…” he purred scanning the man’s body again.

“So…” The man replied shyly, dropping his head to his chest as he did. Ben started to worry slightly, he couldn’t put his finger on what was making the man so nervous. Quite often, he had this affect on men before and sometimes it only lead to problems. Either the guy was inexperienced and didn’t really possess the skills to thrill Ben or the worse case scenario was that he was looking for some meaningful romance and thought Ben flirting was the start of some big love story. Ben hoped it was the first. At least then Ben could make with a quick escape without having felt like he was kicking a puppy. 

He thought he needed to make sure. “You up for some _fun…_?” he asked suggestively, gesturing for the man to tell him his name.

“Callum,” he replied quietly “And I’m definitely up for _fun_ …” he repeated the gesture asking Ben to share his name.

“Ben,” he said narrowing his eyes a little trying to work out of the man was being honest or he was secretly hoping for more. “Just so we’re clear,” he decided the best way to make sure was to be direct, “I only do fun. Not looking to get into a relationship…and don’t do repeat performances as a rule. If you want anythin more then I’m not your guy tonight.”

Callum’s shoulders seemed to relax and relief washed over his face. “Don’t worry…don’t wanna marry you…just wanna shag you!” He responded confidently. In that moment Ben’s whole body burned with desire for the man. He was not only taken aback by the man’s sudden confidence but also completely aroused by it.

  
“Your wish is my command,” he growled in a predatory manner. “Got somewhere we can go?” Callum nodded and gestured for Ben to follow him. They hailed a cab and Callum gave the driver an address a little out of the main town. There were no words spoken between them the whole way, they both knew there was no need. This wasn’t about getting to know someone, it was about tonight and tonight only. A few minutes later they arrived at a villa, which happened to be right next to the seafront. It appeared to be empty as they stepped inside, obviously the rest of the group the man was with hadn’t made it back yet. Ben was quite pleased that they didn’t have to worry about disturbing anyone else. It meant they could really have some fun and express themselves fully. Callum gestured for him to follow him upstairs and led him to what appeared to be his bedroom. After Ben entered Callum locked the door behind him. As he did Ben took the chance to ogle the back of his body further. Not only was his backside pert but his thighs were extremely muscular. Ben felt a desperate need to get his hands on both and he chewed his lip at the thought of what he could do with them. Before he had chance to think about it further Callum advanced towards him, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling his face towards his. As tempted as he was to go with Callum’s wants, he refused break his rules for anyone. He put his hands on his chest to stop him and pushed him away slightly. Callum suddenly looked fearful, clearly worried he’d done something wrong.

Ben knew he had to reassure him quickly so he didn’t spoil the mood. “I don’t do snogging…waste of time when I can put my mouth to better uses,” he murmured seductively. Within a second he pushed Callum on the bed and dropped to his knees. Removing Callum’s shoes, jeans and boxers, he made good on the promise. Using his mouth more effectively for what was needed in that moment. Ben was confident that by putting his skills to use, he would have Callum exactly where he wanted him. After a few minutes of listening to him moan with pleasure, he was stopped in his tracks. Callum clearly wanted more from him than just being pleasured with his mouth. Ben stood and Callum immediately tugged at his T-Shirt, suggesting he removed it. Callum removed his own shirt as Ben stripped himself of all his clothing. Callum then began to return the favour to Ben whilst preparing him for the next step at the same time. Ben was astounded by the skill Callum had with his mouth. This seemingly shy, awkward man had become this fiery, energetic beast. Ben couldn’t stop the gasps of pleasure that escaped his mouth. After several minutes he couldn’t hold back any longer. “Fuck me!” he grunted. It seemed that was all it took for Callum to do as he was commanded. Without any words exchanged they instinctively fell into a position that they knew would give them the pleasure they wanted. Ben was completely blown away at how adept Callum was, he was a natural at putting Ben in a state of rapture immediately. No one night stand had ever felt like this before. It was the most amazing sex Ben had ever had and judging by the moans and curses coming from Callum he seemed to enjoying himself just as much. Their bodies moved in perfect synchronicity, as if they both knew exactly what each other needed. A while later, after experiencing the most immense ecstasy Ben thought he’d ever had, both men climaxed within seconds of each other.

Once he’d come back down from his almighty high, Ben felt Callum withdraw from him and lay down on the bed. Ben collapsed next to him and both men lay side by side panting heavily, trying hard to get their breath back. After a few minutes, Ben began to come back down to earth. He still couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. Although he found Callum attractive almost instantly, he had never thought for one second he would be capable of giving him probably the most mind-blowing sex of his life. He had no idea Callum had that kind of passion in him, he certainly didn’t show it outwardly. Callum was lying there staring at the ceiling, it seemed like he didn’t want to be too near to Ben and was keeping some distance between them. Ben felt a little uneasy with his manner, it was usually him that tried to make sure that there was distance after he’d got what he needed. He decided he needed to break the silence and cut some of the tension. “Well you’re a bit of a dark horse,” he said flippantly. “To be honest mate I didn’t think you’d have that in you.”

Callum let out a small chuckle, eyes still glued to the ceiling. “Neither did I,” he mumbled. Ben was impressed with his honesty, he could have easily made out that he was always this good but instead he was being open. Ben felt a flicker of admiration for him in that moment, he appreciated that he wasn’t trying to be something that he wasn’t. All of a sudden Callum’s shoulders tensed a little as he turned to look at him. “Bathroom’s just through there if you wanna get cleaned up,” he said gesturing to the door that lead into the room.

Ben was again surprised by Callum’s attitude. He got the distinct impression he was trying to get rid of him. It was a little bit unnerving for him. Normally, it would be him who desperate to get away after he’d got what he wanted. With all the men he’d been with, it had almost always been that way. He wasn’t sure if it was his pride but he definitely didn’t like it being the other way around. “Right…Well I’ll get myself sorted then,” he replied with a cautionary tone. As he rose from the bed and picked up his boxers, Ben glanced back at Callum, realising he’d been staring at his backside again. He gave him a smirk and Callum immediately turned away blushing. Ben closed the bathroom door behind him. He took a deep breath to compose himself before heading over to sink and finding a cloth to clean himself up with. Whilst he was doing it, he thought about what had just happened, unable to make much sense of it all. Callum had appeared shy and reserved, almost as if he was a novice but he’d just given Ben some of the greatest pleasure he ever had. This man had many hidden depths and Ben couldn’t help but wonder what others there were to be unearthed. Once he was clean, he headed back to bedroom, hoping he’d got the wrong impression about what Callum wanted. As soon as he entered the room, he raised his eyebrows as his eyes widened in surprise at Callum being fully dressed. He sucked on his bottom lip and nodded his head as he realised his intuition was right.

Callum cleared his throat before speaking again, “Do you need to call a cab or can you walk back home from here?” he asked casually.

Although Ben had guessed this might happen next, he still had trouble believing he was being thrown out. “So you are actually kicking me out then,” he huffed with a look of incredulity on his face. “Wow, nice!”

Callum dropped his head and blushed. Ben could have sworn he felt a little guilty. “Sorry…erm…look I had a great time. It was amazing but like you said earlier it was just a one off for fun. So best leave it there eh?”

Ben couldn’t help but feel a sense of respect for him. He narrowed his eyes and nodded his head in appreciation. “You’re full of surprises ain’t you,” he almost whined looking Callum up and down. It looked like Callum was going to speak but Ben cut him off. “Don’t apologise. Just a shame we ain’t gonna go for round two.” He couldn’t help but be disappointed that he wasn’t going to get an encore performance. Again this was a new feeling to him, usually he wouldn’t really want to but there was something about Callum that left him wanting more. “I’m alright walkin, ain’t that far plus cab drivers round here are flamin lunatics and I think I’ve had enough adrenaline for one night,” he said winking at Callum.

Callum gulped as Ben spoke, Ben wasn’t sure what he was thinking but Ben’s words clearly had some sort of effect on him. He cleared his throat before speaking. “I’ll guess.. I’ll erm…see you out then.” Callum stumbled over his words a little, almost as if he didn’t really want to say them. Tilting his head in a gesture for Ben to follow him he lead him out of the room. Ben walked behind him making sure he made the most of the view in front of him as he walked down the stairs. When they reached the front door Callum looked uneasy as he spoke again, “Well thanks for tonight, I had a great time.”

Ben once again realised that Callum wasn’t as experienced at this as he appeared to be. It was very rare he was thanked by a one night stand and the fact that Callum felt the need to, made him seem even more adorable to Ben. He smiled and rolled his lips between his teeth before letting out a slight chuckle. “You’re very welcome.” He leant forward to whisper in Callum’s ear, hoping to leave som sort of lasting effect on him. “For what it’s worth I had a great time too.” Unusually for some reason Ben felt the urge to be honest with Callum and let him know how much he’d enjoyed their night. With that Ben walked out of the door and headed down the drive way. He heard the door closing behind him and decided not to look back, afraid he might turn around bang on the door and demand more. One thing Ben would never do was beg anyone and he hated the fact that he had even considered it. As he walked home he couldn’t quite believe how the nights events had unfolded. At the start of the night he’d never have believed he end it with having the best sex he’d ever had. That he’d be thrown out of a bed so quickly, leaving him desperate for more. No one he’d ever met had had this effect on him before. The fact that it was someone like Callum had blown his mind. He kept thinking back to things that had happened in the evening, how for some reason Callum had stood out from the crowd. He thought about those eyes, those big beautiful eyes that had instantly drawn him in; that smile that had lot up the room and captivated him. He was intrigued by the enigma of Callum, he was a complete contradiction. One minute he appeared shy and awkward, the next confident and direct. His sexual prowess was extraordinary and Ben had never felt a connection like it. From the moment they’d grazed hands Ben felt a spark flow through him. It unsettled Ben that someone could have this affect on him, he wasn’t comfortable with it at all. All the way home he tried to reason with himself to find answers to all the questions that whizzed in his mind. Eventually he convinced himself that his mind had just been clouded by the immense pleasure, it had just thrown him off-kilter. He didn’t do more than no strings fun and he couldn’t risk anymore than that, especially as it could hurt Lexi. By the time he’d gotten home he convinced himself that it really has meant nothing and he just needed to let it go.

Creeping into the apartment, trying hard not to wake the others, Ben couldn’t help but feel downcast that he was returning home so soon. He did the one thing he always did when returning home at night, the one thing that always made him feel better. He snook into Lexi’s room and watched her sleep for a moment. As usual this cleared all the fog that was floating in his mind. This is why tonight couldn’t mean anything because all that mattered to him was his beautiful little girl, sleeping peacefully in her bed. Her happiness was the only thing that truly mattered and no matter how good he felt in the moment tonight, nothing could compare to how his heart swelled when he saw her smile. The love he felt for her and the love she gave him in return was the only love he would ever need. He gently placed a kiss on her forehead and she smiled in her sleep as if she knew he was there. He felt a sense of warmth flow through him and his equilibrium was definitely reset. He gently pulled back and walked out of the room closing the door to gently. He then turned and walked to his own room. Once inside he closed the door and breathed deeply. As he began to undress, he started to feel an aching in his muscles. The aching was serving as a memory of what he had been doing earlier in the night. He stretched himself out before ridding himself of his clothing and slipping into bed. Laying his head against the pillow, he hoped he would drift off to sleep quickly. However he found himself unable to stop thinking about Callum and what it had felt like to be with him. Every time he tried to divert his mind into thinking about something else, he was drawn back to thoughts of those ocean blue eyes or that illuminating smile. Not only did his muscles have memory of their exertions but his other senses did too. He could still smell Callum’s scent, feel his touch against his skin, hear his moans of pleasure and taste his skin on his tongue. Finally his body succumbed to exhaustion and he drifted off to sleep. Even in slumber he couldn’t shake Callum from his mind, having vivid images of his blue eyes in his dreams all night.

Waking up the next morning, Ben had hoped that he’d be able to forget the feelings he had the night before. However, his lucid visions had had a physical effect on him as he woke up feeling aroused in response. Determined to convince himself this had nothing to do with the man in his dreams he tried hard to think of anyone else as he took himself in hand to relieve himself. No matter how hard he tried to picture someone else, his mind wouldn’t hold the image for long and he found himself seeing Callum and remembering the sensations they had had when they were together. After he had satisfied himself, he couldn’t help become frustrated, mainly at his inability to push Callum out of his mind. He had no idea what had gotten into him. Never in his life had he had this much trouble forgetting someone he had hooked up with the next morning. Most of the time he’s struggled to remember the names of these men but Callum seemed to have burned his name into his memory. Ben decided to have a shower, hoping somehow the water would help cleanse him of Callum. It would certainly remove the scent of him from his skin and Ben hoped it would maybe wash away the memory of his touch. When he stepped out of the shower he brushed his teeth, again confident he could remove the taste of Callum from his mouth once and for all. Although he did feel fresher, he still couldn’t quite remove all trace of Callum from his thoughts. After getting dried and dressed, he resolved that he needed forget about him. He knew he would probably never see him again and just needed to distract himself and stop letting his mind run away with itself. Spending the day with Lexi after she’d finished school would certainly do that. Then after that he knew it would be easy for him to find someone else to turn his attention to. He was certain that after that he could easily forget about the man who had seemingly got under his skin. All he had to do now was not think about him until then. Only that was a task that would prove to be easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Twitter or tumblr at k8jax83


	3. A Different Approach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for anyone who read, commented and left kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot to me to hear your thoughts.
> 
> Once again I apologise if I’ve missed any errors whilst proofreading. 
> 
> Hope you continue to enjoy where it’s going and seeing Ben’s perspective on events :-)

The whole of the following morning Ben had been unable to stop thinking about Callum and the night he’d spent with him. No matter what he did he couldn’t seem to stop his mind running back to those thoughts. He’d been for a run along the sea front followed by a quick swim in the ocean. Both would usually clear his mind but not today. To say he was confused as to why he couldn’t get Callum out of his mind, would be an understatement. At the moment his mind was like a whirlwind, a constant cycle of thinking about him and trying to figure out why he was unable to stop. After a while he concluded that it just had to be because of the mind blowing sex. He was so surprised that a guy like Callum had it in him, that it had intrigued him. That was the only explanation that made any sense. Ben didn’t get attached to any man, he never needed or wanted to. He reasoned that it wasn’t Callum he wanted more of just his skills in the bedroom. Knowing that he would probably be able to move on later when, he found someone else to satisfy his needs, he decided to try and focus on spending the afternoon with Lexi before work. She would definitely be able to take his mind of everything as when he was with her she had his undivided attention. 

As he headed to the kitchen to make himself some lunch he was met with Jay, who Ben had forgotten had the day off. “Alright Bruv!” he cried out as he greeted him. Ben smiled at him and nodded. “You just getting in now?” Jay asked surprised.

Ben shook his head, “No!” he drew out his response. “I actually woke up here and just went for a run and swim.”

Jay looked at Ben confused, “I thought you went back to that bloke’s?” 

Ben sighed. He really was hoping to avoid thinking about it anymore, especially has he had only just settled everything in his mind. “I did…got what I wanted…then left! You know me, don’t hang around for long do I?” he hoped his vagueness would shut down the conversation. 

Jay just chuckled, “He did look like the kind you might wanna get away from.”

Ben’s forehead furrowed in confusion, “What’s that supposed to mean?” he enquired sternly.

Jay shrugged, “Well you know…he just looked a bit…nice and shy…like he might be looking for his the love of his life. Know what you’re like, anyone gives you those kinda vibes you run a mile.”

Ben had worried the same at first but was obviously been proven wrong. He still couldn’t quite fathom how he’d got him so wrong. Deciding he didn’t want to talk about it further, he decided to use how regular trick to shut Jay up. “Well he weren’t quite as soft as he looked. In fact there were some parts of him that were very hard when I got my hands on em.”

Jay grimaced at the thought of hearing about his brother’s sexual exploits. “Okay…enough…really don’t wanna know!”

Ben huffed out a laugh, “Well you asked!” Jay just shook his head, “Anyway, I’ll be on to the next later!” Ben just hoped that the next would help him erase thoughts of Callum from his mind. His comments certainly stopped Jay from asking any further questions and they just engaged in idle chit chat. Jay had the day off so was just catching up on some chores, Ben agreed to help until he picked up Lexi from school. Keeping busy helped kept his mind off things for a while and the rest of the afternoon seemed to go very quickly. Before he knew it, it was time to collect Lexi from school. One thing he loved about his job was that he got to spend all afternoon with Lexi and got to put her to bed before he left for the evening. It also meant he was free to have a his fun at night and Lexi never had to see that part of his life. Of course him and Jay still had their dream of owning their own bar. They had been working towards it for years but weren’t quite there yet. He couldn’t wait until the day he had made something of himself, as he saw it. The day he could make her proud. For now though he’d settle for enjoying spending time with her and helping her follow her own dreams and interests. 

Today was a day he was doing that taking her to her dance lesson. It was one of his favourite things to do, mainly because he felt like he was making up for the things he missed out on as a child. He took note of every routine and enjoyed learning them with Lexi as she practised. Watching her confidence shine as she performed, made him so proud and filled his heart with joy. It had been the distraction he needed today and he enjoyed learning the new routine she had to master for her next show. When they got home he made her dinner and they spent the whole evening practicing again. Lexi also loved spending time with her Dad, she loved the fact he liked to dance and absolutely adored the opportunity to put him in his place when he got the moves wrong. She also knew that he liked men instead of women. Ben was determined that Lexi would be accepting of everyone and tolerant. Knowing that you couldn’t help who you liked or loved, taught her to understand that it was okay to just accept who you were. She also knew that families could be different. She knew her Mum and her Uncle Jay loved each other and that Ben was best friends with both of them. That they had made a different kind of family. Now she was getting older, she sometimes questioned Ben as to why he never had a boyfriend. Ben didn’t want to put her off being in a relationship, in fact he wanted nothing more than for her to find true love when she was older. He just explained that you had to be very lucky to find someone to love, like her Mum and Uncle Jay had and that he hadn’t found anyone special enough. Lexi accepted this but kept telling him he hoped he would find the love of his life one day. She didn’t realise that he already had, it was her. 

After tucking her into bed and saying his goodbyes to Jay and Lola, Ben headed out to work. Being with Lexi had been a welcome distraction from the confusion he had earlier in the day but he was hopeful he would find another one that evening. One to prove once and for all that his night with Callum wasn’t as unique as he had been thinking. Whilst working he kept an eye out for any potential candidates, who could help remove any trace of Callum from his mind. Throughout the night he’d flirted with several handsome men and by the end of the evening he’d found one who was more than willing to have some fun with Ben. The man was a similar height to Ben, with dark hair and brown eyes. He was attractive, with chiseled features and a toned body. Ben was quite excited by the prospect of spending the night with him. All that changed when they got back to the man’s hotel. Things started to get heated quickly, Ben had made sure there was no kissing and the man accepted it and they went straight to other ways to explore each other’s bodies. Although the man was obviously quite experienced and knew what to do, Ben couldn’t seem to achieve the high he had with Callum. It wasn’t anywhere near as passionate or exhilarating having this man touch him. In fact, the only way that Ben managed to climax was thinking about Callum at the crucial moment. The whole experience left him feeling slightly cold, empty almost and he found himself eager to get out of there. The man suggested he stayed, even if it was just for another round in the morning but unlike his time with Callum, it definitely hadn’t left Ben wanting more. When he got home that night, he was feeling more annoyed and frustrated at himself than he been in a long time. He couldn’t believe that he had let this happen, that he’d allowed to let someone get under his skin. He hated the thought that it was possible that his experience with Callum could mar Ben’s fun with anyone else. He had to find a way to put it behind him. It was unlikely their paths would cross again and he knew that he would have to forget about him. Hopefully, someone would come along in a couple of days who would give him the satisfaction he needed and drain his mind of thoughts of wide, blue eyes and a stunning smile. 

When Ben woke up the following morning, he was relieved it was his day off. It meant that he got to spend his whole evening with Lexi, while Lola and Jay had their weekly date night. Ben didn’t see the point in going on dates, for him it seemed like an unnecessary way of holding up getting down to it. He had been asked to go on several, but always declined. It usually told him that the man was after more from him than he was prepared to give. All it would do was give a man false hope and be a frustrating delay for him getting any satisfaction from the evening. That’s why he’d never been out on a date. Although he made fun of Jay and Lola for bothering with the whole tradition, he did admire the effort they made to keep the romance alive. Lola always looked beautiful and Jay made an effort to dress smartly too, it was a way to show each other that they were still worth making the effort for. Ben also enjoyed that it gave him and Lexi their weekly Daddy-Daughter date, as Lexi called it. It was the only date Ben could ever imagine he would enjoy. They would quite often have pizza, put their pyjamas on, watch a movie, after making popcorn together and cuddle up with a blanket on the couch. Both of them adored these times and tonight it was a perfect distraction for Ben. While he was with Lexi, he managed to forget about Callum and the fact that he was with her meant he wasn’t looking for another distraction. One that would only disappoint him and plant further questions in his mind he didn’t know how to answer. Tonight’s choice was Ben’s and he chose ‘The Greatest Showman”, satisfying his love of musicals and handsome men with dark hair and blue eyes. He and Lexi enjoyed singing and dancing along. Ben’s heart swelled at the fact that they could be so open and express there joint love of these with each other. It was a million miles away from anything he experienced with his father as a child. By the time the last number came to an end, Lexi had fallen asleep on his lap. Ben carried her to bed and tucked her in, kissing her hair gently as he did. Finally, he climbed in his own bed and hoped that he would have pleasant dreams of Zac Efron. However, once again his visions weren’t quite what he hoped. Images of a different tall, dark and handsome man, with stunning blue eyes, flooded his mind instead.

After spending the following day at with Lexi, Ben found himself in a much better frame of mind. Lexi and him went to the local pool so he could teach her front crawl. Lexi was a competent swimmer but much preferred breast stroke. The problem was she had to master front crawl to get her latest badge. She was getting a bit frustrated that she didn’t find it as easy. “Why do I have to do it this way? I can still swim the same length. It’s sooo annoying!” she moaned.

Ben loved his daughter’s spirit, he understood her frustration. “I know baby…but you really want that badge don’t you?” Ben knew that it meant a lot to Lexi that she received her next achievement and wanted to help her see that she could. 

Lexi nodded and sighed. “Yeh but why can’t I just do it the way I normally do?”

“Well…” Ben began to reply, trying to think of phrasing it in a way she might be on board with. “Sometimes, it doesn’t hurt to try a different approach, one you ain’t as comfortable with.” Lexi narrowed her eyes as she contemplated his words. “At the end of the day, you want that badge and if you have to try something different to get it…then it ain’t the end the world. You never know you might get to like a different way if it’s easier for you.” 

“But it ain’t easier!” she protested. 

Ben chuckled, “Maybe not at first, but once you get the hang of it, it might be. Might help you swim faster and then you can definitely get your badge. Just give it a go!” Lexi reluctantly agreed and they practised more during the day. Although she still preferred the breast stroke, she started to feel more comfortable with front crawl and began to concede it was okay to do things a different way. Ben was proud of her, he loved her perseverance and the effort she put in. He knew she could be stubborn, one trait she inherited from him, but he admired that in her as she would never be a pushover.

By the time he had to leave for work, Ben had managed to push his musings from the last couple of days to the back of his mind. He felt much more relaxed and open about finding someone else to go home with that night. The bar was busy as usual but it didn’t take long for him to snag his next catch. The guy was part of a larger group but he’d caught Ben’s eye and Ben had clearly caught his by the way he made a beeline for him when he was serving. After a few minutes of not so subtle flirting, the man asked for Ben’s number so they could arrange to meet up later. This was another one of Ben’s rules he wasn’t going to break though. He refused to give out his number, it gave the wrong impression and he definitely didn’t want anyone harassing him after he’d got what he wanted. Instead he tried to arrange a convenient place to meet. Turns out the man and his friends were heading to a club and Ben agreed he’d come and find him there later, telling him to wait in a specific area. This happened a lot and a Ben always had a change of shirt in his bag to allow him to gain entry into a club. The man headed off and Ben was content with the outcome of their interaction. As the bar was quite empty towards the end of the evening the manager said he could head off early. Ben changed and made sure he had his phone and wallet on him before left his bag in his locker. He then headed straight for the club, which was a short walk from the bar. Once inside he began to scan the area he’d told the man to meet him in. It didn’t take long for him to spot him. He was just about to head over, when the strobe lighting illuminated another figure on the dance floor. A figure that had haunted Ben’s dreams for the past few nights. The lighting seemed to make his eyes shine more intensely and although Ben knew he should turn away he couldn’t help but stare at him. It’s almost as if his eyes were glued to him the second they viewed him. A few seconds later Callum’s eyes met his and they gazed intently at each other. Time seemed to stand still as everything around him froze. The music was drowned out by the pounding of his heart and it seemed like the sea of bodies in between them evaporated. It was like it was just the two of them in the room. The intensity of the moment made Ben feel heat pool inside him and butterflies dance in his stomach. Not being able to bear it for long, Ben nodded to acknowledge Callum and broke the moment. Callum returned the gesture then turned his focus to the person in front of him. Ben then realised Callum wasn’t alone, he was dancing with another man. A feeling flowed through Ben, one he wasn’t used to, one that if he didn’t know better, he could think was jealousy. Ben couldn’t tear his eyes away from Callum, the feeling bubbling away more and more as he did. He started to think it must be envy at the thought the man was definitely going to get amazing sex that night and Ben wasn’t guaranteed to. After all he had no idea what the man he’d connected with earlier would be like. Suddenly Callum whispered in the man’s ear and he saw the man grin widely at him and take his hand as he began to lead him to exit. Before even had chance to think, Ben began to head towards the exit himself, in a bid to cut the men off. It was a total instinct as if his feet were moving by themselves. He almost couldn’t believe that he was doing this, he never did repeat performances, he was only after fun. For some reason his earlier conversation with Lexi came into his mind. It was then it hit him, he wanted some no strings fun and awesome sex at the same time. Normally he wouldn’t go for a repeat performance as it would possibly only guarantee him at least one those things. However just like he told his daughter, if he tried a different approach he may get both tonight.

As he reached the door he saw Callum and the man approaching him. He had to think fast and came up with what he hoped would be the perfect thing to put the man off Callum. “Word a warnin mate, make sure you take precautions with this one…wish I had them maybe I wouldn’ta ended up with the problem I have,” Ben stated with a stern face as he stepped in front of them. He then began to frantically scratch his groin area to enhance his point. Callum’s face turned bright red as his mouth fell open in shock. He quickly turned to the man next to him. Ben had to hold back his laugh as he saw his face screw up in disgust and him stepping away from Callum as if he had the plague.

“Oh my god! That’s gross!” he cried in horror as he looked at Callum. “What is wrong with you, sleepin around when you have god knows what?” His eyes quickly diverted from Callum back to Ben, who was desperately trying to stifle his need to chuckle by squeezing his lips together and shaking his head. “Thanks for the tip mate. Hope you erm… get it sorted soon.” he said before quickly turning on his heel and marching back into the club.

Callum looked towards Ben and Ben could feel his anger rising, “Outside now!” he barked at him, clearly wanting to avoid any further embarrassment by others overhearing. When they reached a place outside, where they were completely alone he ripped into him. “What the hell was that?” he yelled. Ben couldn’t hold it in any longer and began to giggle loudly. “What you think this is funny? What is wrong with you?”

Ben realised Callum hadn’t seen the funny side, his face still glowing red but maybe more in anger than embarrassment. Stopping himself from laughing he began to try and explain himself. “Look I didn’t mean to embarrass you…”

“What?” Callum cut him off abruptly, “You think tellin people I have some sort of sexually transmitted disease wouldn’t do that? Are you for real?” Ben went to speak again but Callum was seething and wasn’t prepared to listen to his excuses. “You know full well that we were safe that night and I can assure you I’m clean as a whistle so whatever you’ve managed to catch, it weren’t from me! How dare you?”

“God you’re hot when you’re angry!” Ben quipped biting his lower lip seductively as he gazed at Callum. Callum face contorted as he shook his head in obvious disbelief at what Ben was saying. His eyes widened as he stared intently at Ben. Ben felt the need to try and explain himself. “Look for the record I ain’t actually got anythin, was just tryin to find a way to put that bloke off,” he stated pointing towards his groin before holding his hands up. “I’m sorry alright, maybe shouldn’ta said that.” Ben said tilting his head from side to side and sucking in his lips.

“No you damn well shouldn’t!” Callum spat at him. “What is your problem?” He was breathing quite heavily as he waited for Ben’s reply.

Ben couldn’t help but think back to the last time he’d caused Callum to do this. His mouth suddenly went dry. “Well at the moment. I’m quite horny and the guy I was hopin could help me out with that is a bit pissed off with me.” Ben purred in a predatory manner as his lips curled up into a smile. Callum looked at him again and huffed as he shook his head. Ben couldn’t quite gauge his reaction. He thought he saw a brief smile before his face straightened again. 

“Thought you didn’t do repeat performances?” he finally responded dryly.

Ben raised his eyebrows, impressed with Callum’s attempt to resist, “As a rule I don’t, but couldn’t seem to find a better option tonight,” he shrugged, “Looks like you ain’t got many options yourself either.”

“No thanks to you!” Callum huffed.

Again Ben found himself more drawn to the strength Callum showed in not crumbling easily. Although he had a feeling if he played it right, he could convince him to change his mind. “Come on. You know you’ll have a good time. Seemed like you were enjoying yourself the other night. Better than goin home alone!” Ben asserted with a gruff edge to his voice, one he hoped Callum would find alluring.

“Think a lot of yourself don’t you?” Callum scoffed shaking his head.

Ben sensed he was wavering and had a feeling he liked Ben’s confidence. “Gotta back yourself ain’t you!” Ben grinned “And I ain’t received any complaints so far.” Callum let his guard down finally and chuckled a little before Ben continued. “What d’ya say to round two? No strings. No feelings. Just uncomplicated fun.”

Callum gulped and Ben knew at that point he had him where he wanted him. “Okay,” he muttered. 

Ben beamed feeling pleased with himself, that his new approach had paid off. “Back to yours?” he asked. Callum just nodded, a small grin appearing on his face. They began to walk back to the villa but instead of the silence they’d had on their previous journey there, Ben tried to engage in playful sparring, “I’ll have to find a way to get you all riled up on the way back. Then we can find a good outlet for all that frustration!” Ben winked at him.

Callum licked his lips as he looked up and down Ben’s body. “Sure you’ll think of a way. You seem to have a natural talent for windin me up.”

“Definitely have a knack for getting somethin of yours up!” Ben flirted unashamedly. Callum shook his head but quickened the pace of his stride. Ben kept up with him, hoping it was a sign he was as eager as he was to get into him into bed again.

When they reached the villa it didn’t take long for clothes to be discarded and bodies to become entwined. Instantly, Ben knew he had made the right choice in having a repeat performance with Callum. It amazed him how natural it felt being with him. They seemed to be in perfect synchronicity, knowing exactly what the other needed to reach the ultimate high. Their bodies seemed to fit together perfectly and although it was only a physical connection, Ben couldn’t deny he’d never felt this kind of fire for someone before. It appeared that Callum was enjoying it just as much as he was, if the noises and exclamations he was making were anything to go by. Knowing that each other was sharing this pleasure, seemed to spur each other on and once again they managed to reach their climax together. Afterwards, they lay next to each other, both breathless but sated from their energetic endeavours. They’d been so caught up in the throws of passion, they’d completely missed the fact that a horrendous storm was raging outside. Once they regained their breath, they lay there listening to the persistent downpour, that was only broken by roars of thunder and flashes of lightning.

After a few moments of quiet, Callum broke the silence. “Hope that helped, ease that nasty itch you seemed to have earlier!” he quipped.

Ben chuckled. “Definitely did that! What about you? Release some of that tension?”

“Mmm!” Callum purred with the delight he felt. Ben looked across at him and could see he felt more relaxed now, his eyes were closed and his body seemed softer. Again Ben didn’t know why but be he couldn’t help but feel content to settle next to him and he himself closed his eyes. His peace didn’t last long though as Callum spoke again. “Erm. Probably don’t fancy walkin in this. D’you wanna call a cab?” Callum suggested as he sat up against the headboard.

Ben couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt at the thought that once again he being dismissed so quickly. He didn’t understand why it bothered him so much but he was determined he wasn’t going to be kicked out this time. “Seriously!” he moaned as he opened his eyes and glared up at Callum. “Ya gonna kick me out into that? I’ll catch me death!” The storm could be the perfect excuse for him to stay.

“We can call you a cab, so you don’t have to walk!” Callum’s proposal seemed logical and Ben knew he may have to think on his feet to get what he wanted.

“D’ya have any numbers? Cos I don’t and how’s your Spanish cos I know how to ask for a beer or a blow job, but not that sure that will help us here.” Ben used the fact that Callum knew very little about him to his advantage. He didn’t need to know that Ben was fairly fluent in Spanish and had several cab numbers in his phone. 

Callum regarded him closely, clearly trying to reason if he was telling the truth. Ben wasn’t sure he believed him but he could tell from the look on his face he was going to give in. Fine!” he huffed, “But keep to your side of the bed. Don’t do snuggling.”

Ben scoffed “Do I look like I’m the cuddlin type?” his distain towards Callum’s comment obvious. “I can make it worth your while lettin me stay though,” he said seductively raising his eyebrows.

“Oh yeah!” Callum hummed in appreciation of Ben’s suggestion. Ben didn’t give him much time to ponder it and pounced on him, wanting to show Callum how beneficial it was for him to stay. Kissing and licking his body, trailing from his neck down to his thighs, he knew that Callum was powerless to resist, surrendering his body completely to Ben. Ben loved that he had this effect on Callum but what he soon began to concede was that Callum had just a big effect on Ben. As much as he hated to admit it, Callum had Ben right where he wanted him too. After another passionate session, where both reached a thrilling climax, they eventually fell asleep next to each other. Facing away from each other and not touching, ensuring a distance was kept between them, both fell into a soothing sleep. Ben was so relaxed sharing a bed with Callum, more so than he had even been with any one else. For a moment, he began to feel unnerved as to why he felt this way but he decided to just enjoy it for now, allowing himself to fall into a deep, peaceful sleep. 

The sound of running water roused Ben from his slumber the next morning. Opening his eyes slowly, he allowed them to adjust to the sunlight creeping through the window, before he scanned the room and remembered where he was. As he rolled over, he realised there was an empty space in the bed next to him and it dawned on him that Callum had headed into the shower. Memories of their exploits the previous night flooded his mind as he felt a pleasant ache in his body whilst he stretched. Suddenly he felt a twitch in his groin as those memories amalgamated with the thought of Callum naked in the shower. Realising he was still in a state of undress himself and in need of release he decided to join him. Callum clearly hadn’t heard him enter the bathroom as he carried on cleansing himself. When he opened the door he saw the water cascading over Callum’s naked body and he trailed the droplets down from his shoulders to his backside. Callum spun around quickly, clearly surprised to see him there. Ben couldn’t help but see how alluring he he looked in this state. He licked his lips salaciously as he looked Callum up and down. “Now that’s a view to wake up to!” he said raising his eyebrows and leering over Callum. Ben didn’t give Callum the chance to respond before he stepped in to join him.

“What you doin?” Callum asked, obviously taken aback by the sudden intrusion.

Ben just smirked at him “Told you I’d make it worth ya while lettin me stay!” and with that he pushed Callum against the wall and sunk to his knees. Callum threw his head back against the wall, ecstasy clear on his face as Ben worked his magic on him. After he‘d reached his high and regained his composure, he gave Ben a helping hand to ensure he did the same.

Once they were satisfied again, they cleaned themselves up and made their way to the bedroom to get dressed. Ben was glancing across at Callum as he did and could sense that he felt awkward. Every time Callum’s eyes met his, he lowered his head and blushed. Ben started to see that the confidence Callum had exuded may not be genuine. The more he regarded him, the more he saw he was out of his comfort zone. He knew he shouldn’t really care why but for some reason this man had him intrigued. The contradiction he’d seen before had become more apparent and he couldn’t stop himself from asking him tentatively. “So what’s the story with you?”

“What d’ya mean?” Callum replied with slight confusion.

“Well it’s clear you’re here to have a good time…but,” he paused looking at Callum curiously, “I’m sensing you’re a bit on edge. Like this kinda thing ain’t somethin you’re used to.”

Callum was a little dumbstruck, he looked a little like a rabbit caught on the headlights. After a moment, he sighed loudly before replying. “Yeh well it ain’t really. Let’s just say I’m tryin somethin different.”

Ben nodded, he understood what it was like to be going with a different approach. He couldn’t seem to stop himself asking for more. “What kinda different thing you tryin?”

Callum shook his head and looked to the ceiling. Eventually he offered an answer, “Well I’ve always been a relationship kinda guy and…let’s just say it ain’t done me any favours. So I thought I’d try a different approach. Just take a chance, let go, have some fun. No feelings, no strings, just enjoy the here and now for once. Try new things, take a few risks. See if there’s more to life you know?”

Ben nodded sympathetically. “I get it. How’s it workin out for ya so far?” he asked tilting his head with a smirk.

“Bin alright I guess.” Callum shrugged before smiling. “I mean there’s some mediocre experiences, but the occasional mind blowing ones.”

“I hope I’m in that latter group!” Ben quizzed, trying time appear light-hearted but desperately hoping that Callum felt the same about what they’d shared.

“Couldn’t possibly say!” Callum replied with a smirk. Both men then let out a small chuckle. 

Ben began to think about what Callum had said and thought maybe it was time he went further down the path he’d already begun to take. “Okay. I have an idea for you.” Ben began to explain his thoughts. “You’re after some no strings fun right and well that’s all I’m ever interested in.” Callum’s eyebrows furrowed, unsure of what the point Ben was trying to make was. Ben explained further. “Well don’t know about you but it’s bin a while since I’ve had sex as good as we have…so what about a little arrangement while you’re here.” Callum looked confused. “How long you here for?” Ben asked.

Callum stumbled over his words his words, clearly confused by what Ben was suggesting, “Another three and a half weeks but…”

Ben cut him off before he could speak further. “Great, well about we just hook up for the next few weeks. Save goin out scouting for someone to bring back, you can go out have a good time and then meet me and we shag each other’s brains out. No feelings, no awkward goodbyes after, no mediocre performances. Just purely awesome sex. What d’ya say?”

Callum’s eyes widened. “I dunno,” he began to reply, before once again being cut off by Ben.

“Look it ain’t like we’re gonna end up fallin for each other is it? We don’t know nothin about each other and it ain’t like we need to. You’ll be gone in a month and we can forget about it,” Ben looked at him flirtatiously, “But in the meantime we can just have fun. Purely sexual, no talking, no deep and meaninfuls, no holding hands or cuddling. Just awesome sex. Believe me I’m open to tryin new things and would be willin to let you test stuff out on me. I’m up for pretty much anythin!” he growled in a low seductive manner. Ben almost couldn’t believe he was making the suggestion, but to him it seemed like the prefect solution to the constant turmoil he’d felt since he met Callum. Going against another one of his rules, he picked up Callum’s phone from the bedside table and began typing into it. “Look I’ll give you my number. Have a think about it and if you’re up for it text me later yeah.” He handed the phone back to Callum and held his gaze. “I’ll be more than happy to be of service if you so desire!” Callum’s Adam’s Apple moved in his throat as he took the phone back from Ben.

He cleared his throat before he spoke again. “Well I’ll see you out then,” he said quietly and pointed for Ben to follow him out.

When they reached to from door Callum opened it and Ben leant in to whisper in his ear. “Hope to hear from you later Loverboy!” Ben then breezed passed him and out into the street. Feeling some gratification that Callum didn’t shut the door immediately like last time, knowing he was watching him walk away. All the way home he thought about what he’d offered Callum. His heart and mind racing at the thought. He knew it was a very different way to get what he wanted, one that involved risking him or Callum getting too close. However he couldn’t help but feel that it was with the risk. After all it was clear that both him and Callum had their walls up and both were determined not to let anyone in. In a way it was less risky than allowing someone who wanted love to take him home. The more he thought about it the more his reasoning made sense. He just hoped Callum wouldn’t leave him hanging too long before he decided.


	4. Losing Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read, commented or left kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot to hear your thoughts and to know that hopefully I’ve managed to keep the story interesting considering you already know what happens in these early parts. 
> 
> Again I apologise if I’ve missed any errors when proof reading. 
> 
> Hope you continue to enjoy to see the events from Ben’s POV :-)

Ben pretended that it didn’t matter what Callum decided. If he chose not to take him up on his offer, he would just go back to his regular way of receiving gratification. There were plenty of ways to find casual hook ups and he was confident that he’d forget his encounters with Callum eventually. In reality though, the fact that he kept checking his phone constantly throughout the day, told a very different story. After several hours of hearing nothing and driving himself mad, he began to get annoyed with himself. No one had ever gotten under his skin so much and he couldn’t figure out why Callum had. It wasn’t as if he’d was deliberately trying to worm his way into Ben’s mind, he seemed to have no idea of the effect he had on Ben. Ben hoped that he could keep it that way as he certainly didn’t want to give Callum the upper hand in this arrangement, if it came to fruition. Lola had a day off and noticed Ben was on edge and how he had his hand glued to his phone. She had always been great at reading him and couldn’t ignore his mood.

“Waitin to hear off someone important?” she questioned cautiously.

Ben gave her a stern look, before trying to sound casual in his response, “Nah, just waitin to hear about an extra shift at work!” The last thing he wanted was to give Lola any indication that he was waiting for a message from a man. She was always on at him to find someone to settle down with. Worrying he would end up being alone, when Lexi left home. He knew, if she had any idea he’d met someone he wanted to see more than once, she wouldn’t give up meddling and he really didn’t want her involved.

Lola’s forehead furrowed in confusion, “An extra shift? Jay never mentioned about you guys being short.”

Ben cursed himself under his breath. He should have thought she would check with Jay and had to think on his feet. “Well a shift at a different place. Didn’t mention it to Jay as I didn’t want him to drop me in it with Kev. You know what he’s like sometimes.” Ben hoped that Lola would believe it.

Lola chuckled and nodded, “Yeh, guess your right. He just don’t think sometimes. Don’t mean any harm though.” Ben was relieved she seemed to have bought it and turned away. Then she spoke again. “You sure you’re okay? You seem a bit on edge though. They’re ain’t nothin wrong?”

Ben knew it would be tricky to lie to her but he didn’t want to give anything away. “Nah I’m good, just really could do with the extra money. Wanna put it in the savins you know. Gotta work our way towards the grand plan of makin somethin of myself.”

Lola frowned at him and patted him on the arm empathically. “You know you already have made somethin of yourself. You’re standin on your own two feet and earning an honest wage to support your family. I think it’s somethin to be proud of considerin the start you had.” Ben smiled warmly at her and nodded. He appreciated how she always tried to support him and pick him up. In a way he knew she was right, he had more than ever could have hoped for when he was growing up. He had a family who loved him and that was his biggest achievement, the one he would always be most proud of.

“Nothin wrong with wantin a bit more from life though.” He sighed.

Lola shrugged, “Course not. Just don’t be so hard on yourself eh.” He couldn’t help but think about what she said. In truth he knew he had everything he needed in life but occasionally he did wonder if realising his dream of owning his own bar would complete the puzzle or at least enhance the picture that was made. Suddenly his phone pinged at his attention was drawn back to it. He felt a tingle of excitement as an unknown number flashed up on the screen. A smile crept slowly up his face as he read the message.

**_Hey it’s Callum. Still up for meeting up later?_ **

Lola couldn’t help but notice the change in demeanour and again started to question if it was really to do with work. “You sure that’s just about work…cos you look like the cat that’s got the cream and I’m doubting that’s because of work.” She tilted her head at him indicating she was no longer believing his story.

Ben just shrugged, “Don’t know what you mean. Just lookin forward to gettin some extras.” Before she had the chance to question him further he made his excuse to exit. Once he was alone in his room he thought about how to reply. Not wanting to appear too keen and also wanting to establish that he was only interested in one thing, he reverted to his usual innuendo to convey his thoughts.

**_Oh I’m definitely up for it. Meet you at yours 1:30ish? You’ll be able to see how up for it I am then ;-)_ **

He hoped that made his intentions clear and he hoped that he had made Callum’s cheeks blush when he read it. Hoping that he had some power to affect him, the way he had him. Ben then set about his usual routine of spending time with Lexi before putting her to bed and heading out for work. Tonight was a little different than usual though. Normally, he had no idea of where he would find himself at the end of the night and it was part of the excitement. However he had a new thrill tonight. One of knowing that he was guaranteed great pleasure and the possibility of exploring his and someone else’s desires. It was one of the only nights, since he began to work there, he hadn’t been checking out men as they came to the bar. It was very rare that no one ever caught his eye but tonight he hadn’t noticed anyone. All his focus was getting the shift over so he could get to Callum as quickly as possible. 

When it came to an end he gathered his things quickly and made his way to the villa to meet Callum. Anticipation of what could come of the evening, made his body tingle with excitement; increasing as he got closer to his destination. As it came into view, he decided to slow his pace, fighting against his feet who seemed to want to carry him there as quickly as possible. He felt the need to quell the feelings of excitement that bubbled inside of him. Although the arrangement was his idea, it was new territory for him and he felt the need to retain control. If he let Callum have too much dominance, he worried he could break through some of his walls and he couldn’t let them happen. At the end of the day they were for a reason and he couldn’t let anyone penetrate them and risk his or Lexi’s heart. Finally he reached the door and knocked, hoping he could keep the composure he’d built. The door fell open and Callum was waiting to greet him. “Hey,” Ben muttered, as he looked Callum up and down. It became a battle to maintain his self control when he set eyes on Callum. Stood there in a pair of black jeans and white fitted t-shirt, which left little to the imagination, Callum appeared have no idea how sexy he was. Ben bit down on his lip, hoping not to let any of the sounds or words that were in his head out.

“Hey yourself!” he responded appearing relaxed but Ben couldn’t help see the way he was looking at him. Eyes darkened with desire.

“Decided to take me up on my offer then?” Ben raised his eyebrows, smirking.

Callum smiled and nodded, “Well, when it’s put on a plate for you, you gotta eat it up ain’t ya!” He then blushed, his attempts at flirting weren’t exactly smooth, but Ben found it adorable.

Ben chewed his bottom lip and his eyes darkened. “That what you wanna do is it?” he purred. “Eat me up!”

Callum blushed even more at that and Ben loved the fact he possessed the power to make him react that way. Gulping, Callum stared into Ben’s increasingly darkening eyes, “Maybe I could try swallowing you whole!” Ben had no idea how this man could go from shy and blushing one minute to confident and seductive the next. All adding to the intrigue and desire he had for him. Ben couldn’t control himself any longer and grabbed his hand, dragging him upstairs. Within minutes they had shed their clothes and were exploring each other’s bodies, both caught up in immense rapture. After spending hours wrapped up in each other, pleasuring each other and reaching mutual highs over and over they eventually fell asleep. Lying next to but not facing each other, both fully sated and exhausted from their exploits. Ben again having some of the most restful sleep he thought he’d ever had.

Ben wasn’t sure if was he was dreaming when he began to wake the following morning. He felt like Callum’s hands on mouth were on him, caressing and rubbing at areas that were destined to make his body react. It was only when he felt himself being engulfed by Callum’s mouth that he knew it wasn’t a dream. The pleasure he felt was very much real. Ben couldn’t remember ever being woken up in such a way, unable to deny how exhilarating it was to have his body used in such a way. Callum really was something else, full of surprises and Ben loved every one of them. After making sure they had both been satisfied, they cleaned themselves up and got dressed. Ben had no interest in spending time with Callum in the day, there was no need for them to make small talk or get to know each other. It made their arrangement easier and Ben loved the fact that there was no awkwardness between them. Both men clearly only interested in getting the same thing from each other. Whilst saying brief goodbyes, they arranged to meet again that evening. Ben walked home feeling excited by his new was of doing things. He couldn’t help but think that exploring this new territory would lead to the unearthing of some amazing discoveries. Ones he relished the thought of receiving.

And over the next few nights Ben was proven right. Him and Callum met up and every night and each night was as stimulating as the last. Ben gained so much enjoyment from watching Callum’s confidence in expressing his desires and want grow. Ben got a thrill out of helping Callum explore each and everyone of them. Knowing he was the first man to try these things, to pleasure Callum in this way, to hear the noises he could elicit from him, gave Ben a sense of rapture that he’d never had before. Ben wasn’t just a passive part in their exploits, he felt he could be open enough with Callum to tell him what he enjoyed. Callum seemed just as eager to fulfil Ben’s needs and appeared to get as much pleasure from doing so as Ben did. It seemed to be a perfect fit for the both of them, their relationship being purely physical. Callum didn’t seem to be interested in getting to know Ben, any more than he did him. There was no idle chatter, the only words spoken were expressions of need, wants, pleasure or in greeting. Ben had never felt so relaxed with anyone before. He’d always been upfront with people he’d hooked up with but sometimes he was anxious they would expect more. With Callum there was none of that worry, he knew he had no expectations of him. The fact that Callum was being so open with him too, made Ben feel safe with him. He was able to explore sides of him he never had with anyone before and was willing to try any opportunity that came his way.

This was the only explanation he could think of, for him allowing something else to happen. Something that he’d never experienced before. Something he never thought he would want to experience. During the night he was roused slightly by a warmth creeping behind him and over him. A sensation of weight over his waist and something settling on his chest. Although it was a strange sensation to him, it felt quite pleasurable, he felt secured by it. His body seemed to respond to it, settling into the warmth. Suddenly his eyes opened as he realised what was happening, he was being spooned. For a brief moment he felt a sense of panic, not only because he’d never been this close to someone in this way before but that he was enjoying the feeling of it. Unsure of what to do, he considered moving, before realising how relaxed he had been feeling. Like he had done for the past few days, he decided to embrace this new way of doing things. After a few seconds, he settled back into his slumber, the comfort he felt relaxing him further. It wasn’t until hours later when he stirred again, feeling Callum attempting to move his arm away from his chest. Instinctively he pulled on it to keep it in place, it was this action that finally broke his sleep. Ben couldn’t comprehend why he had held Callum’s hand in place. It would definitely give the impression he wanted Callum this close to him. Even if this was true, he didn’t want Callum to know this. He felt annoyance at his body for betraying him again. Callum had clearly frozen behind him and Ben saw the opportunity to switch the focus back onto him. After all it had been him that had initiated the contact. “Didn’t think you did snugglin?” he was pleased his voice appeared gruff, hoping it suggested that he had only just woken.

Callum shuffled back into his own space quickly. “Erm I’m not normally…I don’t know what happened. Must’ve drifted over in my sleep. Sorry!” he almost whispered and Ben could sense the unease in his voice at the situation. Ben didn’t need to look at him to know his cheeks were probably glowing in embarrassment. He felt bad for him, it was clear from his reaction that he hadn’t intended to get so close to Ben. Like Ben’s body had betrayed him it seemed Callum’s had done the same in equal measure.

Feeling the need to ease Callum’s tension and wanting to reassure him it was okay Ben spoke up. “S’alright,” Ben mumbled. “I didn’t really mind.” Ben rolled onto his back and looked up at Callum. “Probably the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while.” For a moment they looked at each other intently. The air between them became thick, eventually Ben couldn’t take the tension and broke their gaze, looking away from him. “Can’t help what you do in your sleep can you?” He mumbled hoping to have hidden the discomfort he was feeling.

Callum looked as if he was trying to find a reason to explain the unexpected turn of events . “Guess it’s another new thing we’re tryin out?” he suggested with no conviction whatsoever.

Ben just chuckled breathily, “Maybe you’re right.” He shrugged not really having any answers either. “Best not overthink it yeh!” Callum nodded in agreement. Ben knew he had to get things back to a level they were both comfortable with. “Though…” he added smirking at Callum, “I think if I’m waking up to your hand on me, it should be pressed against somethin other than my chest. Little lower maybe.”

Callum smiled widely, “Mmmm, like this you mean?” His hands found his way towards Ben’s groin. Ben moaned in appreciation and within seconds any tension had gone and they fell into a more familiar and satisfying rhythm of enjoying each other’s bodies. Both putting the intimacy they’d woken up with out of their mind and focusing on their primal urges instead.

Once they had finished and cleaned up Ben left as usual. Only he didn’t have the usual feeling of ease he normally would after a night with Callum. Like the first night he’d spent with him, Ben had all these questions and feelings he’d never had before. Although he was willing to try new things with Callum, he hadn’t expected spooning to be one of them. It wasn’t the first time that someone had attempted to hold him after sex but normally he would shake them off as quickly as possible and more than likely, find an excuse to leave. It wasn’t even the fact that Callum had ended up being so close to him that bothered him, it was his response that was causing him so much unrest. Not only had he succumbed to the contact and savoured it, he had also instinctively tried to keep Callum close when he attempted to release him. It was completely unfathomable to him as to why he enjoyed it and wanted it as much as he did. It was the most intimate moment he’d shared in his life and he didn’t do intimacy. It was completely uncharted ground and one he really didn’t feel like he wanted to investigate further. After wrestling with his thoughts all day, he felt mentally exhausted. For a short time he thought about messaging Callum and cancelling meeting up but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Spending time with Lexi provided the usual antidote but it still hadn’t cleared his mind. After he put her to bed, he realised it was time for work and he felt like it would be a welcome distraction. He was still lost in his thoughts when Jay came into the room, not even aware of his presence. Ben eventually acknowledged his presence and the fact he was talking, though it was clear that he wasn’t really listening and he just responded with “Yeh.” each time.

Jay finally realised that Ben was not paying attention to a word he said so he switched tact. “Yeh I told Kev you’d be happy to dance on the podium outside, wearing the leather mankini if it helped draw in some more punters. You okay with that?”

Again Ben replied, “Yeh whatever!” At this point Jay couldn’t contain his laughter and he burst into hysterics. It finally registered with Ben what Jay had said, “Hang on what!” he spat.

Jay was still chuckling at him, “Have to say I wish I’d have got that in writing. Next time I’ll have a contract ready.” Ben raised his finger in a gesture which told Jay what he thought of his humour. Once he’d stopped laughing he looked at Ben with slight concern. “What’s up with you?” 

Ben just shrugged, “Nothin.” Jay tilted his head, widened his eyes and squeezed his lips together, letting Ben know he didn’t believe him. “Fine,” Ben huffed conceding that Jay probably wouldn’t let it drop. “Just last night I went home with this bloke and I ended up doin somethin I ain’t done before.”

Jay’s face contorted into an expression which was somewhere between concerned and horrified. “He didn’t force you into anything did he?”

Ben realised the implications of his previous statement and knew he needed to explain. “No nothin like that, as if I’d ever do anythin I didn’t want to.”

“Right…” Jay’s forehead creased, clearly unsure of what Ben was tryin to say. “Do I wanna know? Cos if it’s some kinky sex thing I don’t need to hear the details.”

Ben shook his head in disgust at him, “Get your mind out the gutter. No he ended up spoonin me, you know cuddlin me.”

“Mate that’s terrible…Have you considered gettin the authorities involved?” Jay mocked with a cheeky grin.

“Shut up!” Ben snapped. “If your just gonna take the piss…”

Jay cut him off, “Sorry. I’ll stop…I’m just strugglin to see what the big deal is.” Confusion was evident on his voice.

Ben almost he’d wished he’d never bought it up, “It’s just I thought I’d have tried to push him off but I didn’t. Just unsettled me a bit.”

“Well do you like this bloke or somethin?” Jay asked cautiously, not wanting to unnerve him even more.

Ben refused to think about the answer question in too much detail. He couldn’t allow himself to like him, it wasn’t part of the deal. “Nah…course not. You know me don’t get attached. Think that’s the problem really, freaked me out bein that _cosy_ with someone.”

Jay half laughed at him. “Look mate, seems to me your makin a big deal of this. Me and Lo quite often end up in some weird positions in bed.” Ben grimaced at the thought and Jay immediately saw his response. “Not like that…now who’s got their mind in the gutter. No like we just move about in our sleep. Sometimes we end up with arms and legs draped over each other and sometimes we end up on completely opposite sides of the bed. Never deliberately pull away from each other and it don’t mean anythin if we do. Can’t help what we do when we’re unconscious.”

“I guess,” Ben mumbled still feelin unsure.

Jay sensed his confusion, “Look did you or him wanna snuggle after you did the deed?” Ben just shook his head firmly. “Well that’s when you need to worry about feelins and stuff. That’s a tell tale sign that someone means somethin to you. So I really think you’re getting your boxers in a twist over nout.” Ben finally had a moment of clarity and relaxed. Both him and Callum had made it clear what this was and after they’d got what they wanted there was definitely no closeness or intimacy in these moments. Neither had sought each other out deliberately and the more he thought about it, the more he realised it probably meant nothing. “Knowin you, you probably ain’t plan on seein this bloke again anyway. So it don’t matter if it was a bit awkward!” Jay stated unaware of the Ben’s current situation.

Ben was determined not to let on that things had changed. “You’re right, be on to the next tonight and will have forgotten about it. Thanks mate,” he said smiling and stood up to leave. Although Jay wasn’t quite accurate, he was almost right about one thing. Callum would be gone in a few weeks and whatever they had done wouldn’t matter. He would never see him again. That’s why he’d been so happy to be try things with him and felt so relaxed about it. This was just another thing he was allowing himself to explore, safe in the knowledge it wouldn’t matter soon. Once he’d made peace with the idea he soon found himself looking forward to meeting up with Callum again and living in the moment with him.

When he finished his shift he messaged Callum to check if he was home. A response came back fairly quickly but Ben was slightly confused and concerned when he read it.

**_In my wag nor sew your spoon_ **

Ben sighed deeply, the message made absolutely no sense, it could only mean one thing. Callum was obviously drunk and Ben worried that would mean he wouldn’t be in a fit state to do anything tonight. Again, he considered just cutting his losses and going home but he couldn’t bring himself to. There was still a small chance Callum might be up for something. Yet the main reason he couldn’t, was he felt the overwhelming need to make sure Callum was safe. Another thing that was new to Ben, concern for someone outside his family unit. He reached the villa fairly quickly and knocked on the door. There was no response and it soon became apparent there was no one home. Ben sat on the step and waited for Callum to return. After sitting there for about half an hour, he was just about the give up and head home, when he saw two figures heading towards him. Callum and his friend were clearly inebriated, they were holding on to each other in desperation to keep upright as they staggered all over the place. As Callum saw Ben he moved more quickly to greet him and Ben could see he was losing his balance. He stood up quickly to catch him before he fell. Ben couldn’t help but giggle when he realised the state he was in. “That explains a few things.” he chuckled.

“What d’you mean?” Callum slurred as he tried to stand up and steady himself, falling backwards down the steps and into Lee who went tumbling backwards and onto his backside. Callum turned and try to help his friend up but only ended up being pulled down to the ground with him.

Ben once again couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the pair of them as he went to help them both up. “I mean the state you’re in explains why it took so long for you to get back and the random text I got.” Callum eyebrows knitted together in confusion, clearly not understanding. Ben just shook his head smiling, “I wondered what the hell, _In my wag nor sew your spoon_ , was meant to mean. Come on let’s get you two inside and to bed, before you do any proper damage to yourselves.” He pulled them both up one by one and then walked behind them placing a shoulder on each of them to try and help keep them stable.

“I…am perfectly fine.” Callum’s friend stated in a faux sophisticated accent. “I don’t need any help!” he said before almost walking straight into the door.

“Course not!” Ben scoffed pulling at his collar before guiding both men through the door. Unsure of which room was Callum’s friend’s, he deposited him on the sofa in the lounge, before placing Callum’s arm around his shoulder and guiding him upstairs. Once in the room Ben let go of Callum to close the door. Callum staggered into the room, before unceremoniously falling face first onto the bed.

Ben stepped towards him and regarded him closely. “Good night was it?” he giggled, amused at the state he found Callum in.

“S’been am…a…zing.” Callum said rolling over onto his side. “Although it could get better!” he said attempting to wink suggestively but just ended up blinking comically. Ben found it charming and couldn’t help but smile. Callum’s next move was less appealing as he attempted to lean his head on his arm seductively and rub the duvet with his other hand. “Fancy joinin me gorgeous” he slurred. Unfortunately he wasn’t in control of his body and as he tried to pat the bed he lost his balance and ended up rolling off the edge of the bed crashing to the floor. Ben rushed around to check he was ok as Callum tried to pull himself up back onto the bed, attempting to seem cool, but failing miserably.

Ben continued to laugh as he helped Callum get back onto the bed. “Don’t think we’ll quite manage that, the shape you’re in.” Callum frowned at him and Ben had to admit he was also disappointed at the thought. “Think you’d be best sleepin it off,” he sighed.

Callum let out a deep breath and huffed, “Fine…Take it you’re off if there ain’t nothin doin for you tonight?”

“That’d probably be best!” Ben said quietly, “Just use the bog on me way out.” Callum just nodded and lay his head back on his pillow. Ben went into the bathroom and emerged just a few minutes later. Taking a look at Callum on the bed, still fully clothed, he felt like he couldn’t just leave him like that. Carefully he began to undress him, moving his shoes and socks first, before removing his jeans and t-shirt. Callum flinched a few times but didn’t rouse from his deep sleep. Ben couldn’t help admire his body, almost unwilling to place the bed sheets over him. Once he had got Callum in bed and as comfortable as he possibly could, he took one last look at him sleeping soundly. Ben found him enchanting in his sleep and couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away, allowing himself to watch him sleep for a few moments. He knew he should probably leave and catch up with Callum the next day, but for some reason he couldn’t. At first he berated himself for even wanting to stay. If there was nothing in it for him, there really shouldn’t be any point. Then he realised maybe there was something in it for him and that maybe, if he was patient, he could be rewarded in the morning. It was better than having nothing at all. Convincing himself that it was just his desire to be satisfied that made him want to stay, he removed his own clothes and climbed into bed next to him, ensuring his intrusion didn’t disturb Callum. Settling in a position that kept a reasonable distance between them, he tried to ensure that they didn’t have a repeat performance of the morning. It didn’t take him long to drift off to sleep either. Both men breathing deeply and in synchronicity, even in slumber their bodies had an inexplicable connection. Neither aware of it at that moment but both feeling a sense of peace at lying next to each other. It didn’t take long for Callum to move in his sleep, his body unconsciously seeking out the warmth of Ben’s. Ben’s body welcoming the comfort of Callum’s unconsciously. Before long their bodies were once again entwined. Not in the sexual sense they had both enjoyed many times, in the week since they had first met, but this time in a soothing, intimate way that neither had really wanted or expected. However it appeared they may no longer have control over what was to happen.


	5. Opening Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you to anyone who has read, commented or left kudos on the story so far. It really means a lot. Especially to those who’ve reassured me they are still finding the story interesting even though you might no what happens. 
> 
> Again I apologise if I’ve missed any errors whilst proofreading. 
> 
> Hope you continue to enjoy hearing Ben’s side of the story.

Waking slowly, Ben found himself feeling relaxed and fulfilled in a different way. The sense of serenity he had, came from a mixture of having peaceful sleep and the arm that was wrapped around him, grounding him. Unlike the previous time he found himself in this position, he felt calm. He soon realised that his fingers were interlinked with Callum’s, joining their hands in the most natural way. Ben had been awake for a little while, not daring to move as he didn’t want to disturb Callum. Although he couldn’t see him, he could tell by Callum’s breathing that he was still in a peaceful slumber. Ben had stayed true to the promise he’d made to himself the previous night and wasn’t thinking about what it meant. Lying still in Callum’s embrace, he was just set on enjoying the moment for however long it lasted. After a while, he unconsciously began to circle Callum’s thumb with his own. Internally cursing himself when he felt slight movement from behind him. He noticed Callum’s breathing had become more shallow. He felt a slight tension in the arm that was around him and knew Callum had woken, probably worrying what had happened the night before. The state he was in, Ben doubted he would have remembered a lot. Deciding to be gentle and not panic him any further, he began to delicately trace lines up and down his arm. Callum’s breathing slowed slightly as he rolled onto his back. Ben hoped this meant he felt slightly more comfortable with the situation. He rolled over onto his opposite side so he was facing Callum. He leant up onto his arm and looked across at Callum, who was clearly suffering the effects of the night before.. “Mornin,” he muttered quietly, “How’s the head?”

Callum pressed his hand to his head and rubbed it firmly. “Not good!”

Ben just chuckled, “Can’t say I’m surprised the state you were in.”

“Did we...? You know!” Callum looked away from Ben, clearly embarrassed and unable to recall what had happened.

Ben just shook his head and tried to contain his smile, “Mate you could barely hold yourself up, let alone get anythin else up.” Ben raised his eyebrows before smiling widely.

Callum moved his other hand to join his face, rubbing forcefully as if to try and removed the shame. “Sorry!” he mumbled from behind his hands. “Why d’you stay?” Callum was confused. To be honest Ben was too. Last night he couldn’t leave and he’d convinced himself his reasons for staying were perfectly logical. Now though, he wasn’t as assured. When he didn’t respond Callum dropped his hands briefly to look at Ben.

Ben cleared his throat before he spoke. “Well…erm it was late, quite a long way back to mine…” it was clear he was looking for the reasons himself, and he could tell by the look on Callum’s face that he wasn’t really buying it. He changed tact quickly, “And…well I kinda thought, if I wasn’t gonna get any action last night, I might stick around to see if I could get some this mornin.” He chewed his bottom lip as he looked at Callum. His words had clearly had an effect on him and his eyes began to darken as he returned Ben’s gaze.

All of a sudden he appeared hesitant and retreated back a little. “Give me five minutes to freshen up and take somethin for this head and I’ll be all yours.” Callum pulled himself off the bed and headed towards the bathroom.

“Ooh I like the sound of that.” Ben growled. “But take your time! Make it worthwhile me stayin!” Callum just nodded and he stepped into the bathroom closing the door behind him. Ben lay back on the bed, and breathed heavily, composing himself once again. It seemed that Callum was also a little tense about things between them. Ben refused to let himself get into the turmoil he found himself in yesterday. He distracted himself by thinking about how Callum might be feeling after last night. Realising he might be felling a little delicate and needing to be taken care of, Ben decided to take charge. There was one sure fire way to help relive Callum’s hangover and one that would help them return to the stability of their relationship. Shifting position slightly, he stripped himself of his boxer shorts and lay on his side with his head on his arms. It amused him to think he was in a similar position to what Callum was, when he propositioned him last night, before he fell off the bed. A wicked smile crept across his face as he decided to use that fact for his own amusement, knowing Callum probably wouldn’t recall it. A few minutes later Callum emerged from the bathroom and his eyes immediately darkened when he saw Ben. Ben rubbed the sheet slowly, mimicking Callum’s own actions from the night before. “Come here,” he insisted softly. Callum climbed on the bed and crawled towards him. When he reached Ben, Ben pushed him onto his back and hovered above him. “I realise you might be feeling slightly delicate, but I have a great cure for a hangover.” Ben’s eyes had darkened, he loved the idea of Callum giving full control to him. “Let me sort you out. Promise I’ll be gentle.” He whispered in Callum’s ear as he buried his face into Callum’s neck. Callum was powerless to resist and surrendered himself completely to Ben. All confusion and embarrassment faded away for Ben as he used his body to soothe Callum, allowing Callum’s to do the same to him. Their physical connection proved successful in easing their minds as well as satisfying their carnal desires. Callum seemed to enjoy Ben’s alternative cure for a hangover. His moans and exclamations indicating that Ben has certainly helped relieve any tension he was feeling. Lying there next to each other, panting and sweating, exhausted from their exertions, both men tried to catch their breath. After a few minutes, when they both seemed to have come back to earth, Ben looked across at Callum. “Feel better?” he asked.

“Much!” Callum smile, he rolled into his side to face Ben. Looking across it his face suddenly changed and his forehead furrowed. He looked pensive and Ben wondered if he had similar thoughts to those he’d had plaguing his mind. He didn’t have to wonder what was on Callum’s mind for long as he soon asked him a question he himself needed an answer to. “Can I ask you somethin?” he mumbled coyly. Ben turned to face him sensing the nervousness in his voice. He nodded gently. “How did we end up like we did again this mornin? I mean both of us don’t normally do that, but it’s happened twice now and this time we didn’t even shag first.”

Ben chewed the inside of his cheek before sucking his top lip, it seemed that not only were their bodies in sync but their minds also. Ben wasn’t sure he had the exact answer so just decided to share his own conclusions on the matter with Callum.“I dunno…if I’m honest…it’s been a bit weird for me too” he paused and shrugged a little, “I guess I just figured,” he continued, “That we’ve got this thing going where physically we’re not holdin back from each other right.” Callum’s eyebrows furrowed Ben could sense he wasn’t sure what Ben was saying but he nodded in agreement, “Well maybe it’s like you said the other day, we ain’t afraid of tryin new things with each other. Like if our inhibitions are lowered a bit, our walls are a bit lower too. Does that makes sense?”

Callum pondered what Ben said for few seconds. Ben could see that he was trying to reason with himself as to whether Ben was right or not. Ben tried hard not to show the anxiety he felt. He hoped that if he remained calm about it then maybe Callum would too. After a short while Callum spoke again. “Yeh I guess it does, like you said before it ain’t like we’re ever gonna see each other again after this is it. Don’t matter what we get up to,” he conceded smiling lightly at Ben. “Kinda breakin the rules of the arrangement though innit?”

Ben’s eyes suddenly had a twinkle in them and that cheeky grin appeared on his face. Callum was right technically it did break the rules but Ben rarely ever followed the rules. “Well rules are made to broken ain’t they?” Callum seemed to like the idea and gave Ben a warm smile. Ben smiled back before continuing, “Long as the expectations don’t change and we both know what we want from each other, then we ain’t gotta worry. Don’t over think it okay?”

“Yeh…okay,” Callum agreed and stared at Ben intently. All of a sudden the air between them grew thick, the position they were in had meant they were extremely close. It was a little too intimate than both were comfortable with.

Ben couldn’t cope with it and decided to break the tension. “Ain’t like you’re desperate to hold me close right after screwin me, then I might start to worry,” he scoffed sarcastically echoing the sentiment that Jay had in their conversation.

“Think you’re safe, barely have the energy to move when I’ve screwed you!” Callum huffed back at him lying back on his back.

“Right well now I’ve been of service, I’d better be off.” Ben felt the need to alleviate all the tension by leaving and giving them both some space. He stood up and made his way off the bed.

“Yeh course,” Callum said sitting up against his pillows. “We on for later?”

“Don’t see why not,” Ben said as he dressed himself. “Unless you get so outta your tree, I’m just gonna be used as a teddy bear again. If that’s the plan just text me yeh and I can go home instead!”

Callum shook his head and grimaced at the thought, “Don’t think you need to worry, I might have a night off the booze tonight, need to let my liver recover.” Ben just laughed lightly and nodded. “Hey…erm if it’s a faff comin here every night, I’m happy to go to yours?”

Ben’s heart began to race at the suggestion. Alarm bells started ringing in his mind. Home wasn’t a place he shared with anyone apart from his family. It was a golden rule that no one he hooked up with came into his home. That was his personal space, the only safe place he had and it would be too big a risk to let anyone into it. However it wasn’t only him that he needed to protect, it was Lexi too. One thing he would always do was try and ensure he kept her safe. Allowing her to meet anyone he was with, might confuse her and allow her to get attached to someone who was likely to leave. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her in that way. Another thing he always wanted her to know was that she was his number one priority . Allowing someone into their lives may suggest to her she had to share his affection. This was a something he would never want her to feel. Callum looked at him bewildered, clearly sensing his panic. Ben hoped his request was casual and that he wouldn’t push him any further on it. He dropped his head and started to rub his forehead. “Nah. I’m happy comin here….To be honest I don’t ever take people back to mine. It’s my home and that would be havin em in my personal space. I like to keep that part of my life separate.”

“Right, I get it.” Callum seemed to understand and was very laid back about it. Ben hoped that would be the only time they ever discussed the subject. Callum’s reaction had settled him slightly but he still found the need to have a bit of space from him.

He made his way towards the door “Anyway I’ll see ya later,” he uttered as Callum got up to follow him. “No you stay there, save your energy for later. Gonna need it” Ben insisted as he winked at Callum as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Once he closed the door he let out a huge breath that he’d been holding in. As he walked home, he convinced himself not to overthink what Callum had asked. He’d already wasted too much energy on doing that in the last few days. It was clear Callum hadn’t meant to intrude on Ben’s private life, he was just trying to be considerate. If the way he had accepted Ben’s response to his question was anything to go by, Callum really didn’t want anything more from him. He just had keep that in mind. Their arrangement was going well and they had reached a perfect understanding. He was determined not to ruin it.

Over the next week Ben actually managed to put the conversation out of his mind. Him and Callum had just eased into their new found understanding and other seemed more comfortable about enjoying whatever happened. They met up every evening and the sex was always incredible. It astounded Ben sometimes that they’d never had an off moment, even when trying something new. They’d also managed to overcome their worries about ending up close during the night. Most mornings Ben had woken up to find that his body had become entwined with Callum’s. On some occasions it was him that appeared to seek out Callum. He’d begun to spoon Callum or at least rest a hand or leg over his body. Although the first time this had happened he had felt unnerved, he eventually learned not to let it worry him. Waking up so close to Callum was something he’d come to enjoy greatly.

Ben had generally seemed much more relaxed and happier over the last few days. Even Jay and Lola had commented on how different he’d seemed. Ben managed to brush it off and not let them see there was a reason for it. Unfortunately, this peace he’d found didn’t last long, being blown away when a letter landed on the doormat for him. As soon as he picked it up, he felt a wave of nausea and panic wash over him. Recognising the scrawl on the envelope immediately he knew who it was from. His Dad. His first instinct was to throw it away, not wanting to hear whatever he had to say. Then he realised that he needed to see what it said, he needed to make sure that he wasn’t on his way over. That he kept him away from his family. His hands shook as he opened the letter and pulled it out. Taking a deep breath, he hoped that whatever it said didn’t threaten his happiness.

_Ben,_

_I know we ain’t always seen eye to eye on things and I know we never will on somethings but think it’s time we both moved on from all that. I’m willing to overlook the way you choose to live your life, as long as you don’t rub it in my face. If I ain’t gotta deal with it everyday I think we can get along. Anyway the family business is doing alright and I’m thinking of expanding. Thought maybe you’d be interesting in coming and working for me. Finally make something of yourself. Anyway if you’re interested let me know my numbers on the back._

_Look forward to hearing from you._

_Dad_

Ben’s fists clenched in anger. He shook his head at the unbelievable cheek of his Dad. It just showed how little he actually thought of Ben, that he needed him to make something of himself. For the most fleeting of moments Ben thought about taking him up on it, just to prove to him that he could handle it. Maybe he could finally get his approval, even some affection from him. The thought didn’t last long before he became even more furious at himself as well as his Dad. He felt pathetic for even considering it, for in any way feeling he needed it. He screwed up the letter and threw it in the bin, before punching the worktop. Luckily there was no one home and Lexi hadn’t been there to witness his outburst. That would have hurt him more than anything. He felt the need to distance himself from her today, so he rang Lola and asked if there was anyway she could pick her up today. Lola wasn’t exactly pleased about it but when explained what had happened and he needed space, she understood and asked him to meet her. He told her he just needed to be alone and set off for a run, hoping he could run his Dad out of his system. It didn’t work though, he just found himself more and more frustrated. Eventually he headed home, said a brief hello to Lexi and apologised for not being around tonight. She could tell he wasn’t himself and told him it was okay and that she loved him. It both made his heart burst with joy and ache at the same time. He felt that he’d let her down because of his Dad and he just became more and more furious with himself. Lola and Jay tried to talk to him but he couldn’t, he was too angry. They knew it was best not to push Ben when he was like this. Eventually he set off to work and hoped that and meeting Callum later would take his mind off things.

Work hadn’t helped at all, he found he had little patience with his customers. He was so wound up he ended breaking glasses and snapping at people around him. His boss sent him home early and he text Callum to meet him. After all a good session with him would be the perfect outlet for his frustration. As soon as he saw Callum, he pretty much dragged him upstairs. “I need to take charge tonight!” he insisted as he quickly relieved Callum of his clothing. Callum just nodded. He didn’t seem to mind and complied with his every demand. It was clear this kind of sex was new for him but from the sounds Ben managed to elicit from him he didn’t seem to mind. During this time Ben managed to forget everything and achieved the release he so craved. Afterwards they fell into their usual routine of cleaning themselves up and settling into their own space in the bed. It was then that Ben’s mind could no longer shut out the storm his Dad has created in it. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t help but feel his frustration grow. Callum managed to drift off to sleep quite quickly. Ben shuffled closer to him hoping that his serenity would somehow transfer to him. It didn’t work and his whole body was restless. He kept shuffling around and in doing so accidentally kicked Callum several times. After a final knee to the groin Callum obviously had enough of Ben’s restlessness and decided to challenge him on it.

“Mate, if you’re not careful you’re gonna put me out of action!” He said jokingly as he rolled over to face Ben. “What’s up with you tonight?”

Ben let out a massive sigh, “Sorry…it’s…” He looked at Callum and for a moment he contemplated just telling him. He went to speak before he stopped himself. This was definitely breaking another rule they’d set and feared it may be one too far. “Oh nothing. I’m fine.”

Callum sat up a little, looking down on Ben. “You’re clearly not, somethin’s obviously botherin you. Wanna talk about it?”

“You ain’t s’posed to care. Remember.” Ben snapped, clearly taking the frustration he was feeling out on Callum. He instantly felt bad but he knew he had to try and keep his guard up and not let Callum penetrate his walls any more than he already had. 

Callum looked at him, screwing his face up slightly and shrugged. “I don’t!” He insisted “Seriously…but I do care if I get any sleep…and…I’d quite like to wake up with my bits still in full workin order and the rate you’re goin, neither is likely.” Ben couldn’t help but chuckle to be honest the last thing he needed was for Callum not to be in full working order. “Just willin to lend an ear if it helps you relax a bit.” Callum offered again.

Ben sat up against leaned himself up against the headboard. “It’s a bit of long story.” He sighed. Callum raised his shoulders slightly in a gesture it was okay so Ben continued turning away from Callum as he spoke. “Got a letter from me Dad today. Ain’t heard from him in years. He weren’t exactly proud of havin a _gay for a son_ , as he put it.” Ben exhaled deeply and pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs so he was hugging them tightly. He was trying to comfort and protect himself, still not being at ease with sharing this with anyone. “Made my life hell growin up, always tryin to stifle me, put me down, stop me bein who I was. I wasted so much time tryin to please him, be who he wanted me to be, but no matter what I did it was never good enough. Even ended up sleepin with one of me best girl mates to try and prove I was straight, course it did the opposite.” He stopped himself there, he couldn’t talk to Callum about Lexi. Lexi was where his strongest wall was built and the thought of telling Callum about it felt like it would put a crack in it. It was to big a risk to let that happen. He looked across at Callum and held his gaze, for the first time since he started speaking and saw Callum just looking at him empathetically. Not wanting to give too much of himself away he turned away from him quickly before starting to speak again. “Anyway…erm it was kind of at that point that I realised I needed to get away from him. Live my life for myself and no one else. That’s kinda how I ended up here. Me, Lola, that’s my mate who I…and Jay, well he’s like my brother, you saw the first night we met, leavin work with me, well we made our own little family and came here, got jobs and lived life as we wanted. Never looked back.” Ben let out another deep sigh. “Until now. Now he’s found me and wants me to go back home, says he’s willing to overlook how I choose to live my personal life and wants to accept me into the family business. Like he’s doin me some sort of favour!” Ben felt rage bubbling in him again, that his Dad thought he was worth so little and that he had even considered going back to prove himself to him. “Worst part of it is, I know how should just tell him to stick it. I have my own dreams now. Me and Jay wanna own our own bar one day. Been savin for years. I don’t wanna have any part of his poxy business. But I still wish I had his approval and for a split second I considered goin back to try and get it. How pathetic does that make me? Desperate for scraps of affection from someone who ain’t eva gonna love me for who I am.” A small tear escaped from Ben’s eye rolling onto his cheek before he quickly swiped it away hoping Callum hadn’t seen. The last thing he wanted was for Callum to think he was pathetic as well.

Callum placed a hand on Ben’s knee, grounding Ben instantly. “Hey, you ain’t pathetic. Far from it. Sounds to me like you made a really brave move gettin away from him and no matter how hard it is you’re stickin to it. That just shows how strong you are. Takes real courage to just leave everythin you’ve ever known behind and start again.” Ben looked at Callum’s hand on his knee before looking him in the eye. The slightest touch from him gave him more comfort and affection in that second than he’d ever had from his Dad. Ben thought he shouldn’t like it but he couldn’t help but enjoy the touch. Callum cleared his throat and moved his hand away, before continuing. “I know what it’s like to want your families love and approval. To be prepared to do anything to cling onto it. But sometimes you just have to accept its best to cut them free. You have to live your life for you and only you.” Ben couldn’t believe how Callum seemed to just get it. There was no judgement, just understanding. He nodded and smiled “Anyway from what I can see it’s his loss!” Callum added cautiously, “You are one of the most confident, self-assured men I’ve ever met. Part of the reason I find you so sexy actually.” Callum once again attempted to wink, Ben couldn’t help but chuckle at how endearing it was.

“Thanks,” Ben replied softly. “God, I’m sorry, this is definitely breakin the rules ain’t it. You know, no deep n meaningfuls.” He shook his head and blushed slightly. He couldn’t quite believe that he was the one who was breaking the rules yet he couldn’t seem to stop himself “I never really talk about this stuff with anyone, don’t know why I felt the need to offload to you like that. Sorry.” He repeated his apology as he lowered his head slightly with embarrassment.

Callum shrugged, “Don’t be sorry.” He genuinely didn’t seem to mind that he’d opened up to him. “Maybe it’s like you said before. Cos we are the way we are, maybe it’s just easier to be open with each other. Like you said, it don’t matter what we do or say, we ain’t gonna see each other again after these couple a weeks…so it’s kinda easy to open up to someone who you know ain’t gonna be round for long. They won’t be able to hold it against you in the future.”

Ben looked at Callum and nodded again, he knew what he said made sense. However, Ben couldn’t help feel vulnerable, he felt like he’d laid his soul bare and maybe given away too much power. He needed to get it back so he turned the tables, “Right well in the interest of fairness and equality, think I should hear your story!” Callum looked confused and shook his head. “Oh come on!” Ben asserted. “What harms it gonna do right? You said you got it. I mean tryin to get someone’s love and approval. Sounded like you spoke from experience.”

Callum looked very nervous, he began wringing his hands and Ben could sense he didn’t feel comfortable opening up either. After a few seconds he took a deep breath before speaking. “Well let’s just say my Dad don’t sound so different to yours.” Callum paused and sighed deeply. “Mum left when I was a kid, so it was just him me and my brother. My Dad liked a drink and he ain’t exactly a happy drunk. My brother took the brunt of the beatins when he was there but he ended up gettin into trouble and got sent away. Leavin just me and him. Sometimes all I’d do was breathe and I’d get bashed.” Callum huffed slightly. “Maybe he always knew I was gay, used to get warned about bein a fairy or faggot regularly. I was so afraid of my own shadow let alone admittin to myself who I was.” Ben’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open slightly, he was once again dumbfounded, this time by how much he and Callum had in common. Now fully understanding why Callum seemed to empathise with him. Feeling sadness that Callum had also had to suffer in that way. “That’s what I mean, when I say I get it. As a kid all I ever wanted was a family that loved me. It just took me a while to realise that don’t have to be the family your born into.”

“What made you realise that?” Ben asked softly.

“I met Lee, that’s my mate I’m here with. His family kinda took me in, treated me as one of their own. Loved and accepted me for me. Helped me get away from my old man. For the first time in my life I felt like I was part of a real family.” Callum then brought his knees to meet his chest and mirrored the position Ben had been in when he told his story. Indicating to Ben he felt just as vulnerable as he did.

“I’m guessing the fairytale didn’t last?” Ben once again could sense that Callum wasn’t a guy who had his life sorted. There was more to this and he couldn’t help but want to discover more about Callum and how he ended up here.

“It almost did.” Callum’s head dropped and his face turned downwards. “I ended up getting with Lee’s younger brother. Johnny. I had my doubts about goin there. Always worried that if it didn’t work out I’d end up losin the only real family I’d ever had. But everyone reassured me it wouldn’t happen and I thought I’d take the risk you know, be a proper part of the family. Almost was n all. Supposed to be gettin married in two months, finally be a Carter.”

Ben was shocked and struggled up hide it. Callum was almost married. He’d never of thought that in a million years, “Take it that ain’t happenin, as you’ve been here shaggin me for the past couple of weeks.”

“Caught him in bed with someone else a few weeks ago.” Callum admitted before looking at Ben sheepishly.

Ben felt for Callum, he could see how much it had hurt him. “Ouch! That’s kinda brutal. Sounds like a dick if you ask me.” Callum’s face fell slightly, he looked like he didn’t appreciate the insult. He didn’t respond so Ben probed further. “This what this is, a rebound holiday thing? Get over someone by gettin under a few others. Like it.” Ben grinned, he’d heard other people say it was the best way to get over someone. Of course he’d never had to get over someone. He’d never let anyone close enough to hurt him and he had no intention of ever doing so.

“Ain’t like that really.” Callum seemed unsure. “Like I told you before. Always been a relationship kinda guy, never done things any other way. Only thing was I didn’t really give him all he needed. What happened weren’t all his fault. He was kinda…” Callum paused. Ben could tell he was thinking carefully about what to say, “Well he was kinda second best… the guy I’d been hung up on for years weren’t ever gonna be available to me. So I decided to settle.” He hung his head and breathed out a huge sigh. Ben was unsure whether it was in shame or relief. “I thought if I couldn’t have the guy I wanted, then bein with Johnny was good enough. I mean I did love him, but maybe not in the way I shoulda. Think he got fed up of waitin for me to and that’s why he went lookin for summat else.” Callum breathed deeply. “He told me to take some time and figure out what I wanted and if it was really him. Said maybe there’s a chance for us if I work it out…So that’s what this is, me tryin to figure out what I want. Tryin new things, seein if there’s more to life than what I had…or…findin out what I had is worth holdin on to.”

Ben didn’t like the idea that Callum could go back to this man and settle. He felt sad at the notion but recognised it wasn’t his place to comment or judge. “Right.” he said not asking any more, he decided he didn’t need to know.

“I’ve never told anyone bout havin feelins for someone else.” Callum mumbled clearly embarrassed by his admission.

“Secret’s safe with me. And anyways if I can help you figure things out, just let me know.” Ben instantly went back to flirting with Callum, trying to reestablish their relationship being just a physical one, despite what they had shared tonight. Callum responded by pushing Ben back down onto the bed and engaging in their usual rhythm of meaningless physical exertions to distract them from their thoughts. If it was one thing they could both agree on, it was that they excelled at diverting each other’s attention and helping to ease their troubled minds. Afterwards they both were exhausted and satisfied and began to drift off to sleep. However their previous conversation was clearly playing on their mind and they both were struggling to get comfortable and settle. After a while Ben shuffled backwards towards Callum and pressed his body back into him. Callum responded by putting his arm over him and entwining their legs. It was obvious this time they were consciously seeking comfort from each other on a way they hadn’t allowed themselves to before.

After a while Callum spoke again. “Can I try something that might help you relax?”

“Don’t think I could go another round at the mo,” Ben retorted. “Give me a while and I might be _up_ for it again!”

Callum smiled. “Not that this time,” he scoffed. “When I was with my first boyfriend, he would ask me to stroke his hair when he felt stressed. Always helped. Could I try with you?”

Ben’s breath hitched slightly at the suggestion. This again could cross another line, he already felt exposed tonight and this could be a step too far. “Sounds a bit soft that!” he finally responded trying to put Callum off.

Callum chuckled again and Ben found the sound calmed him slightly. “Maybe it is, but maybe it could be somethin new you try. If you hate it you can tell me to stop.” He suggested. Ben thought for a moment before conceding that he’d already shared more than he ever thought he would with Callum. Would one more thing hurt he thought to himself and he nodded to let Callum know he agreed. Callum moved the hand that was against Ben’s back up to his hair and began running his fingers through it delicately. At first Ben felt tense, the sensation of someone stroking his hair felt strange. He’d never experienced anything this intimate before and he was unsure how to handle it. After a few minutes he couldn’t help but succumb to the feeling and enjoy it. He told himself that it was okay to allow himself this, like Callum said it was only going to be for a couple more weeks. It didn’t mean anything, it was just a new experience to try. Sinking back into Callum, Ben felt all the tension and stress disappear from his body. Their physical connection was so strong that it had to the power to defeat the turmoil in his mind. Before long he’d drifted off to sleep and instead of having nightmares about a heartless man who tried to destroy him, he dreamed of a wonderful man who instinctively knew how to make him feel safe. A man, who by allowing him to experience and embrace his vulnerability, actually made him feel stronger than he ever had.


	6. Secrets Exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a big thank you to anyone who read, commented or left Kudos on the last chapter. I love hearing your thoughts. 
> 
> Apologies if there are any mistakes I’ve missed whilst proofreading.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :-)

Considering how burdened he’d felt the day before, Ben woke up feeling lighter and more relaxed than he’d been in a long time. Being able to open up to Callum the night before had relieved the crushing sensation in his chest, the one he’d had for most of his life. The warmth he felt from behind him and the arm that was draped over him linking their hands together, also helped to ground him; filling him with a sense of serenity he wasn’t sure he’d ever had before. Once again the front of Callum’s body was plush against the back of his and their legs were entwined. There was no anxiety for Ben in these moments, he’d come to enjoy the feeling of waking up in Callum’s arms. He wasn’t sure what had changed in him recently, maybe it was just the love of experiencing new things with Callum. Determined to enjoy it while he had the chance to, he made a conscious decision not to overthink it. That’s why he just lay still in his arms soaking up feeling of tranquility for as long as he could that morning. After a while he felt Callum stir a little and decided to wake him up in a way he knew he may appreciate. Before long their bodies were entangled in a different way, one that was extremely exhilarating and gave them the gratification that they both needed.

After they were satisfied and cleaned up Ben got dressed and headed home, making arrangements to meet later. It was a glorious morning, the sun was shining and the ocean looked beautiful, adding to the tranquility he felt. When he arrived home he was surprised to see Lola there waiting for him, concern evident on her face. She pulled him into a massive hug, squeezing him tightly. “Are you okay? I’ve been so worried. I haven’t slept all night.” she exclaimed.

“Tad dramatic Lo!” Ben tried to sound flippant but then he saw by the look in her face she was not amused. He exhaled deeply. “I’m fine,” he replied trying to reassure her.

She pulled back regarding him carefully. “Seriously…cos the mood you were in when you left, I thought you’d go into your usual self-destruct mode.” She rubbed her head harshly. “ I was worried if someone said the wrong thing to you, you might lamp em one and end up in the cop shop. Took the day off in case I had to bail you out.”

Ben screwed his face at her. “Thanks for the faith in me Lo.” He huffed our a small chuckle. “Honestly though you didn’t need to worry. I swear I’m alright.”

Her forehead furrowed with concern and she reached out placing her arm on his shoulder. “Do you wanna talk about what happened? You know I’m always here for you don’t you? It ain’t no good bottlin things up.”

Ben smiled, feeling lucky he had people who supported him no matter what. “Ain’t much to say really,” he sighed. “Got a letter from Dad. Offerin the opportunity to prove myself and go work for him. Ain’t gonna lie I was pissed off at first. Wanted to rip his huge, bald head off…but then I realised he don’t matter. What he thinks don’t matter. I don’t care about him. I’ve got everyone I need in my life and I ain’t gonna let him get to me.”Ben shrugged.

Lola looked at him with narrowed eyebrows, clearly trying to work out of Ben was being sincere. She knew him so well and it didn’t take long to realise he was. “Wow!” she teased. “Who are you and what have you done with the real Ben?”

“Shut up!” Ben scoffed. “Just realised I’m better than that…than him.”

Lola smiled widely and pulled him in for another hug. “I’m glad you’ve finally realised it.” She said before pulling back. “So you wanna tell me what’s brought about this sudden change in you. I mean you’ve been a lot more chilled for a few weeks now. I’ve even seen you actually smile when you ain’t with Lex. Not like the Mr Moody we know and love.”

Ben paused for a moment. It worried him a little bit that spending time with Callum had affected him in such a way. It was even more worrying that other people had started to notice. He told himself not to dwell on it too much and to try and remain causal when he responded. “Don’t know what you mean?” he replied.

Lola raised her eyebrows. “Oh come off it somethin’s goin on!”

The last thing Ben needed was Lola prying too much into his arrangement with Callum. She should only try and convince him it was more than it was. He used his usual tact to put her off the scent. “There ain’t nothin goin on. Must just be all the endorphins I’m getting from the extra exercise I’ve had recently. You know…new season starts, amount of talent around increases, the more action I get.” He wiggled his eyebrows hoping that would put her off.

She grimaced at the thought, then looked at him sceptically. He knew she hadn’t fully bought his excuse. Lola knew him well enough to know when not to push so she decided to let it go. “Well keep doin what your doin if it puts this much of a spring in your step!” she teased a with that she left the room, winking at him as she passed him. Ben just grinned as he walked over the get a drink, using the last of the juice up. As he put the empty carton in the bin, he spotted the screwed up piece of paper. Retrieving it slowly, he knew there was one thing he needed to do to completely put the past behind him. He pulled out his phone and typed a message.

**_Thanks for your kind offer Dad._ **

**_I’m afraid I’m going to have to politely decline. You can shove it up your arse! You never know you might actually like it. I still love having things shoved up mine, in case you were wondering. I’ve got my own family and you will never be part of it. Don’t contact me again. Have a nice life Dad. I know I will as long as you’re not part of it._ **

****

After pressing send he blocked the number, ensuring his Dad couldn’t reply. He didn’t need one from him. He really didn’t care what he thought. Then he made his way over to the stove and set the letter alight, before placing it in the sink. He watched as it slowly disintegrated to ashes. Much like the relationship with his father, turning black and breaking into the tiniest pieces. He turned on the water and washed them away down the sink. Feeling like he finally had closure on that chapter of his life, he took a huge breath before smiling to himself; standing up to that man empowered him. Knowing that he had finally freed himself from his grasp, felt liberating. For the first time in his life, he felt proud of himself for having the strength to let go.

Over the next week or so he was much calmer and determined to enjoy all aspects of this new sense of freedom. His arrangement with Callum was going well. They’d maintained the physical nature of their relationship and that was always the first focus when they got together. However the dynamic between then had changed slightly. Since they’d opened up to each other that night, they found themselves willing to share more with each other. After they’d been physically satisfied, they would often talk before going to sleep. Ben was astounded by how much they had in common. They’d already discovered how similar their fathers were. Ben had learned that not only had Callum’s father physically abused him, he was often neglected as well. It hurt him to think that a wonderful soul like him could have suffered so much. He learned more about the fact they also had brothers, who were much older, that they weren’t close to. Even though they both conceded they had tried to be there for them, they couldn’t provide the support they needed. One thing that really blew Ben away was the relationship Callum had with his Grandad. It was so like the one Ben had with his Gran; providing love and affection in their early childhood and adolescence; only for it to leave them feeling heartbroken and lonely when the died. Ben had never met anyone who got that like Callum did and it made him feel like he was less alone in the world. Ben also began to realise that the reason he was so comfortable in opening up to Callum, was because he got him in ways no one else ever had. There was an unspoken understanding between them and they knew whatever was said they wouldn’t be judged. Ben concluded that the ease the felt with each other, was the reason they continued to subconsciously seek each other in their slumber. Even though they’d continued to fall asleep separately, they always woke up wrapped up in each other. More frequently Ben had started initiating it, spooning Callum or draping an arm or leg over him. He was able to stick to his promise to not let this worry him, embracing it and enjoying every moment of it while it lasted.

Their encounters had all begun late, often the early hours of the morning, and hadn’t lasted beyond mid morning. Most mornings after waking they engaged in one final round of energetic sex before Ben left and went home to sort things out, before meeting Lexi. It seemed to suit them both, as Callum spent the day with his friends and had no interest in seeing Ben during the day. When it came to Jay and Lola’s next date night, Ben was worried Callum might ask him why he couldn’t meet up. One thing he still wasn’t prepared to share with Callum was Lexi. That was the one part of his life he was determined to keep safely hidden behind the walls he’d built. He had no intention of letting anyone penetrate that wall, not even Callum. Luckily Callum just accepted the fact he couldn’t meet without question. As it transpired, the lads were planning a day trip and it suited him to have an early night. Ben didn’t ask where they were going, he didn’t need to know. That was what was so good about their arrangement, because there was no expectations, there was no need for explanations. It was perfect for him and helped keep things casual.

Ben had planned a trip to the water park with Lexi for their Daddy-Daughter day that week. It as a reward for her passing her latest swimming badge. They were both really excited about going out and having fun together. Ben loved being able to experience these things with Lexi. It gave him the opportunity to do things he’d missed out on as child and he made sure Lexi got the chance to do everything she wanted to; never wanting to hold her back. One thing he was determined to do was make her feel like she could be or do anything she wanted. They’d spent the morning catching some of the shows then decided to spend the afternoon on the rides. They’d had lots of fun racing down slides and having competitions about who could stay on the board longest on the surf ride. The next ride they headed for was the rubber ring ride. They were having a great time and had navigated all the pools, ensuring they stayed together and went down each slide at the same time. That was until the last pool when some teenage boy came hurling between them, pushing Lexi to the back and Ben over the edge of the slide. There was nothing Ben could do to stop it, he hit the water and came flying out of the ring. Once he resurfaced, he realised Lexi still hadn’t come down. Panic instantly set it. The thought of losing her terrified him more than anything in the world. He felt sick. Wrestling with his thoughts, he tried to decide what was the best course of action. He knew if he went back to start the ride again, Lexi could come down and he would miss her. So he decided to wait for a minute, hoping that someone would help he get down. After a couple of minutes she still had appeared. It felt like an eternity, every moment seemed to pass so slowly. With every person that came down, his heart began to beat a little more quickly, knowing it wasn’t Lexi. He tried to ask a few people who came off the ride of they’d seen her but they either shrugged it didn’t respond. Ben was in turmoil, he felt his chest tighten as his anxiety built. Eventually he realised he needed to act and get assistance. Not wanting to move away from the slide exit, he shouted across for one of the lifeguards for help. As he did a man came down the slide and swam over to him.

“You lost a little girl mate?” he shouted and Ben felt a sense of relief that hopefully this man could help him. As he looked at him he realised he recognised him. The brief relief he’d felt suddenly started to evaporate as his pulse increased when he realised where from. It was Callum’s friend.

Ben looked at him and it seemed he didn’t recognise him. That was probably due to the fact that the only time they met he was completely inebriated. He decided to act relaxed in the hope that could keep his identity hidden a bit longer. “Yeh mate. Is she alright?” He replied with concern.

The man nodded, “She’s fine mate.

My mate is gonna help her down. Should be back with you any sec.” Ben breathed out a huge sigh of relief. Lexi was safe and that was the most important thing after all. Then he started to tense slightly, when realisation hit him that it could be Callum trying to help her. The last thing he wanted was for Lexi to ever meet anyone he was sleeping with. He just hoped that it was one of the other men in the group.

“It’s easy to get stuck up there if you go in the wrong direction.” The man mumbled, obviously trying to reassure him.

“She was fine until some idiot kid pushed us apart. She’s pretty good at navigating this.” Ben huffed before being distracted by the sight of Lexi flying over the edge, screaming with delight when he did. She managed to stay in the rubber ring and as soon as she was close enough, Ben grabbed it. Once he’d pulled her close enough he scooped her into his arms and held her so tightly. “Are you okay baby?” he cried.

Lexi pulled back to look at him. “I’m fine! No thanks to you!” she huffed.

Ben widened his eyes at her, warning her he didn’t appreciate the attitude. “Hey Madam it weren’t my fault. That kid pushed me!”

She rolled her eyes at him, “Whatever!” she mumbled. “Luckily a nice man helped me. He should be down soon.”

As they turned back towards the exit of the slide, they saw Callum had emerged from the pool. He seemed to be frozen, standing still in the water, eyes glued to Ben. Suddenly Ben’s eyes met his and he stared back at Callum just as earnestly. Ben knew that his fear had been realised, Callum had met Lexi. He could no longer keep her a secret. Once again his pulse rate soared as his anxiety rose. Callum eventually broke the gaze and swam over towards them.

“Here he is!” Callum’s friend shouted as Callum approached.

Callum looked confused by what he saw, eventually he spoke. “Hi,” was all he managed to get out.

“Hi,” Ben almost whispered it was barely audible above the splashing and screaming noises coming from the pool that surrounded them. His face was flushed with embarrassment and every muscle in his body tightened with the tension he was feeling about the situation. He dropped his head to his chest, trying to mask his unease, unable to look Callum in the eye.

“You two know each other?” Callum’s friend asked a little bemused before realisation hit him. “Oh!” He raised his eyebrows and and looked at Callum awkwardly. Ben lifted his head and gave his friend a sidewards glance, hoping he would take the hint to stop talking.

“This is the man that helped me Daddy!” Lexi stated. “Do you know him?” She asked Ben with a confused look on her face.

Ben wasn’t sure what to say. Callum looked just as awkward and uncomfortable as he was. Ben decided to be vague and try and seem relaxed, “Erm… he’s someone I know from work Princess,” he finally muttered a half-hearted response.

“What he works with you and Uncle Jay?” Lexi didn’t let much get passed her. She didn’t recognise him as someone who worked with them. Ben knew that she had met most of his colleagues before and obviously knew Callum wasn’t one of them.

Ben had to think fast. “No he doesn’t work there baby…he just comes in for a drink sometimes.” Ben began rubbing his face, almost as if to wipe away the tension he was feeling. Lexi instantly turned towards Callum, who just gave her a nod and smile in confirmation of what Ben had said.

“Well I think you should thank him for helpin me. If it wasn’t for him I’d been stuck there for ages and you’d have been down here freakin’ out like a proper drama queen!” Lexi asserted.

“Alright Madam!” Ben shook his head in disbelief at was being told off before turning to look back at Callum. “Thanks Callum.” he said softly giving him a coy smile.

“No problem.”Callum mumbled equally as timidly before he turned towards Lexi and smiled. “Well we’d better get back to our friends. Nice to meet you…” he stumbled not knowing Lexi’s name.

“Lexi,” she interjected filling in the missing information for him.

“Nice to meet you Lexi,” he repeated before turning to Ben. “Maybe see you later?” Ben just nodded, looking relieved Callum wasn’t going make the situation any worse than it already was. Callum then gestured to Lee to go with him and they both left the pool. Ben watched him walk away, a sense of sadness washing over him that after what he’d just learned, it may be the last time he saw him. Not only because Callum may not want to deal with the revelation but because he didn’t want know if he could deal with him knowing it.

“He seems nice!” Lexi called out diverting his attention back to her.

Ben hated the thought that Lexi could take a shine to someone he introduced her to. He couldn’t get over the worry she could get hurt if they ever got too close. “Yeh he’s alright I guess.” he replied trying to sound aloof.

Lexi put her hands on her hips and liked at him with a stern face. “Erm…I’d say he’s more than alright. If it weren’t for him I could have been stuck up there forever. He’s kinda a hero!”

Ben huffed out a laugh. “Thinks that’s a slight exaggeration Lex!” he scoffed. Ben couldn’t help but love the fact she’d inherited his dramatic tendencies.

“Does he live round here?” Lexi continued.

Ben tried to dismiss her interest, “No. he’s just in holiday. He’s goin home soon I think.” All of a sudden the reality hit him, Callum would gone soon and a feeling of despondency fell over him.

“Shame!” Lexi exclaimed. “He’s funny. We coulda made friends.” She just shrugged and Ben just smiled. He then took her hand and led her out of the pool asking her what she wanted to do next. For the rest of the afternoon on he was determined not to think about Callum. He had to fully focus on Lexi. He’d already nearly lost her and he had to make sure nothing like that happened again.

For the most part he’d managed to push Callum to the back of his mind during the rest of the day. It was only when he got home and Lexi insisted on telling Lola and Jay about her day and the nice man who had rescued her. Ben looked uncomfortable as she spoke and Lola had clearly picked up on it. It was clear she had put the pieces of the puzzle together and had started to realise that this mystery man meant more to Ben than he’d let on. Especially as she’d already noticed the change in his demeanour lately. Ben managed to dismiss her but it was clear she didn’t believe him when he said he was no one. As he left the lounge she repeated her advice from the other day, reminding him he needed to keep doing what he was doing. Ben retreated to his room. His mind whirling like the rapids they’d been swimming in earlier. It was his night off so he didn’t even have work to distract him. The rapids in his mind pulling him in two directions. One path saying he should just cut Callum off; it was too dangerous to let him in any further and tell him about Lexi. He was leaving in just over a week anyway and so it wouldn’t make that much difference to not see him from now on. That seemed like the easiest route out of the turmoil. However, the thought that there time could end like this made his heart ache. They’d had such a good time and he’d begun to feel closer to Callum than he ever had anyone before. Lola’s words rang in his head, should he keep seeing Callum? Then it hit him, maybe it was okay for Callum to know about Lexi. He’d never talked to her to anyone outside the family and a few people at work. Maybe telling Callum about her was another new experience he could share with him. Callum would still be going soon and so it didn’t matter what he told him, it would be forgotten soon. Although that seemed like it could be the harder path, it was the only one he felt he could take. Finally he made his mind up and he decided to text him. Wanting to maintain the status of there relationship, he decided he needed to reinforce that was the main thing he needed from him.

**_Hey, wondered if you were free a bit earlier tonight? Wanted to thank you properly for being a hero earlier. Thinking I might need to get on my knees and bow down. Know how you enjoy that ;-)_ **

****

Ben hoped Callum would still want to see him. Hoping he wouldn’t hold the fact he’d kept Lexi from him against him. Luckily his response came quickly.

**_Others on their way out now. I can wait here for you if you like? I’ll look forward to my reward ;-)_ **

****

Ben felt the urge to see Callum as quickly as he could. Changing into an outfit that he knew showed off his assets, he quickly set about getting to him as quickly as possible. About half an later he found himself knocking on the door of the villa. Butterflies danced in his stomach as he waited for Callum to answer. He felt so nervous and had no idea what he was going to say. He wondered if he should have taken more time to think about it, rather than being so desperate to see him. When Callum opened the door he took one look at Ben and grabbed his arm. He pulled him in through the door and led him to the pool area. Turns out Ben didn’t need to worry about what to say, words were not necessary. Their bodies were going to do the talking for them. It wasn’t long before they found themselves testing the strength of one of the sun loungers on the terrace. Turns out it was stronger than it looked, supporting Callum and Ben as their bodies writhed together in ecstasy. Ben ensured he made good on his promise to reward Callum, in more ways than he’d thought. 

Lying there afterwards, trying to regain his composure Ben suddenly realised this was the closest him and Callum had been after sex. The size of the sun lounger meant there was not much room and Callum was tightly pressed against Ben’s back. Ben turned to face him and the proximity, made the air between them seem thick. Callum moved away first, breaking the tension. Placing a towel around his waist as he moved to sit on the adjacent bed, creating space between them. Ben pulled himself up seconds later, and dragged a another towel that was on the bottom of the lounger over himself. Ben couldn’t bear the silence for long and had to break it. “Wow! You should play the hero more often. It’s a real turn on!” Ben hummed trying to relieve any tension and ensure he maintained the boundaries in their relationship.

Callum smiled and huffed, “Wow, wouldn’t have had you down as havin a thing for knights in shinin armour!” Ben grinned widely at him. “Anyway, weren’t exactly a hero was I?”

“Well Lexi kinda though so. Think she quite liked you…Look about that..” Ben rubbed face, even though he was willing to open up to Callum, it wasn’t easy for him to do.

Callum must have sensed his unease. “It’s okay you don’t need to explain anythin.” he insisted. “We don’t need to know everythin about each other do we?”

Ben knew Callum was right, but he wanted to share it with him now. “No, course not…but…well it’s kinda out there now innit?” Ben looked to Callum for reassurance that it was okay for him to talk about it. Callum smiled softly and nodded, giving Ben all the confidence he needed. “Well…” Ben continued tentatively, “You remember I told you about me sleepin with my mate to try and prove I was straight.”

Again Callum nodded. “Lex was the product of that. We were just kids didn’t really know what we were doin, but we both knew we wanted her. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. When she came along that was the final push I needed to finally break away from Dad. I didn’t want him anywhere near her. So me, Lo and Jay left and after a while of travellin round finally settled here. They eventually got together and we became our own little family. Not the conventional kind but we just work you know.” Ben paused again and Callum gave him a look which meant he totally understood. “We’ve got this perfect arrangement. I mean Lo and Jay work durin the day, Jay does the occasional night with me. Then I work and have my fun at night. We share takin care of Lex, when we’re not workin. I usually do the school pick up and afternoon shift, puttin her to bed before I leave. Occasionally at the weekend I take care of all her all day. That’s what I was doin today….Not that I was doin the best job. Getting separated from her n all that.” Ben’s sunk his head into his hands, still feeling guilty about the earlier events.

“Hey! Don’t be so hard on yourself!” Callum reassured him. “To be fair I got separated from Lee loadsa times on that ride. He kept getting stuck and needed rescuin too!” Ben chuckled at that. “From what I saw, you’ve done a great job with her.”

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Callum. “I try me best. Didn’t exactly have the best example to go off did I?” Ben sighed deeply “ Just can’t help feel sometimes I could do a better job for her. I mean I ain’t exactly a high flyer in the career stakes, never have been just drifted from one job to the next. Like I said before me and Jay do have a dream of openin our own bar one day, but ain’t quite there yet.” He dropped his head again, pausing while he gathered his thoughts. “I just wanna make her proud you know!”

Callum shook his head and expelled a bit of air. “Ben. It sounds to me like you’re doin a brilliant job. You’re out there makin an honest livin, providin for her, makin sure she’s loved and looked after. There were some days as a kid I didn’t even know if I’d get fed.” Ben lifted his head and looked at Callum his lips curving downward slightly. The thought that Callum had suffered so much broke Ben slightly. Callum continued before he had chance to respond. “And you’re there for her, you spend time with her, take her for days out. So many kids would kill to have a Dad like that! Plus from what I saw you’ve raised a confident, self-assured little girl. That’s because she knows no matter what she’s loved….so I say you’re doin a pretty great job.” Callum smiled warmly at Ben, who was desperately trying to hold back his emotions at Callum’s words. Swallowing hard as he looked at Callum. It was the first time Ben had let Callum see any real emotion from him, even when they’d talked previously and he’d let a tear escape, he’d wiped it away and put his guard back up straight away. This time was different, he was allowing Callum to see how much he loved his little girl and felt like he actually wanted him to see how much his words affected him. He trusted Callum completely and felt safe to let him see through the cracks in his armour. “Is she the reason your place is a no go?” Callum asked cautiously.

Ben nodded, “Yeh…erm it ain’t that I’m embarrassed about me bein gay. She knows I like men, I’ve never hidden it from her. It’s just…” he stumbled for a minute as if considering whether he should divulge more, but meeting Callum’s eyes again he knew he should continue. “When I was growin up, I had that many step-mums that I never knew whether I was comin or goin. If I ever bonded with any of em, they’d be gone before I knew it and I’d be left missin em.” His head sunk to his chest again. “My feelins were never a priority though, always was bottom of the pile. Anyway when Lex came along I was determined that weren’t gonna happen to her. I wasn’t gonna confuse her by bringin people into her life and then them leavin and her sufferin because of me. She is number one and always will be…so I just settle for havin fun when I can. No strings, no commitment, no risk to her. She’s the love of my life and I’m happy for it to stay that way.”

Callum was clearly moved by Ben’s words. Ben was sure the look of on his face was one of admiration. He leant over and gently lay his hand on top of Ben’s. “Well I’d say that puttin her first above all else, makes you the best Dad in the world!” Ben looked up at him again, staring deeply into his eyes with a small smile as he breathed deeply. All of a sudden the air between them had become charged. Not in the physical way it had before, it was something different, deeper. Ben felt heat flowing all the way through his body. They had always had a spark, from the second their hands met in the bar on the first night. This was different it was like a charge electricity was travelling through every vein in his body, starting where their hands met. His heart began to pound, especially when for a brief moment Callum’s eyes dropped to his lips. In that moment he thought Callum was going to kiss him and in that moment he wanted him to. Suddenly Callum backed away and Ben began to panic, not just by the idea of what might have just happened but the fact he’d wanted it to. Callum coughed to clear his throat, he quickly withdrew his hands from Ben’s and turned his head towards the pool. “Fancy a swim?”

Ben stilled for a moment, feeling confused by the shift that had just occurred between them. “Erm…I don’t have any swimmers,” he said clearing his own throat.

“Who says you need em?” Callum said raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Ben licked his lips and gave Callum a cheeky smile. “Skinny dippin somethin new you fancy tryin is it?”

“Well never had sex outside before tonight and quite enjoyed that, so wonder what we get up to in that water?” Callum appeared confident in what he wanted. Ben said no words, just pulled the towel slowly off him, stood up and dived in the pool. Confirmation that he was willing to comply with Callum’s wishes. Callum dropped his towel and did the same. Before long their conversation was forgotten as their hands found ways to distract each other in the water.

Working up an appetite in and out of the pool, they found themselves in the kitchen a few hours later. Both just stood in towels, they saw little point in getting dressed. Callum had thrown together a sandwich for them both and they were sitting at the table eating, when all of a sudden the front door slammed and they heard a clearly distressed Lee calling out for Callum. Without hesitation Callum sprang up and ran towards him, Ben following closely behind to see what the commotion was about.

As they, reached the hallway he saw a clearly drunken Lee crumpled up in a heap on the floor, tears streaming from his face. Callum’s face changed instantly, he looked distraught to see his friend in this state. “Hey what’s wrong?” he whispered softly.

“Everythin!” Lee cried. “I’ve messed it all up Callum. I can’t get her out of my head! Why can’t I get her out of my head?” He sobbed loudly against Callum’s shoulder. Callum whispered words of reassurance to him as he let all of his emotions out. Ben observed closely as Callum gently stroked his hair with one hand and rubbed circles into his back with the other. Watching every moment between them, Ben suddenly felt like his heart had sank through his feet. A realisation hit him. This was the man Callum was in love with.

Callum turned to Ben and asked him to go and retrieve their clothes from the pool. Ben obliged with a nod and headed out to get them. His stomach twisted as he went the pool. He retrieved the clothes as quickly as he could and went back to the hallway. As he returned he saw Callum cupping his friends face before wiping a tear away and kissing the side of his head. Ben felt the knot in his stomach twist tighter. The affection he saw Callum give his friend gave him further confirmation of how Callum felt about him. He dropped Callum’s clothes next to him on the floor. “Give me a sec to put me kecks on and we’ll get you to bed eh?” he then turned to Ben, who couldn’t hide the frown on his face at witnessing their exchange. “You go upstairs and I’ll be up in a bit once I’ve sorted him out.” Ben just nodded and walked passed them towards the stairs, looking back briefly and sighing before going up them. When Ben reached the bedroom he slumped back onto the bed. He berated himself for not realising it before. The knot in his stomach got tighter and tighter as he thought about it. The feeling wasn’t one he was familiar with. The only time that he felt anything similar was the night he saw Callum with that man at the club. He couldn’t work out what had made him feel like that. That night, it was the thought that someone else would get to experience Callum’s skills but it wasn’t that now. Trying to reason he thought it must be because he felt bad for Callum. It must have been torture for him, being so close to Lee all the time, when he felt the way he did about him. Ben hated the thought of him suffering. He wasn’t sure what he should do now. At first he thought he should just pretend he hadn’t noticed and him and Callum could carry on as before. However the more he thought about it, the more he realised he couldn’t do it. For some reason he felt this overwhelming urge to protect Callum, to stop him getting hurt anymore. It scared him that he felt this way for someone other than his family. He should want to leave it alone but he couldn’t. There was no way he could do nothing, even if it meant putting Callum’s feelings before his own. He was determined to help Callum in anyway he could. It was like he didn’t have a choice; no longer being able ignore the feelings he had for him; no matter what dangerous terrain it put him in.


	7. Fulfilling Fantasies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well as I’ve only got a tiny bit of the last chapter to write, I am going to try and to start updating daily. Hence why this chapter is up a bit sooner. 
> 
> Thank you so much for anyone who took time to read, comment or leave kudos on the last chapter. It really means a lot to me to hear what you think.
> 
> Again I apologise if I missed any errors whilst proofreading.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the next part of the story :-)

By the time Callum returned Ben had sat himself upright against the headboard. He couldn’t help but look at Callum with sadness. “Your mate alright?” he asked with a concerned tone.

“Will be I think. Just needs to sleep it off, gets proper emotional when he’s had a skinful!” Callum answered then began to strip down to boxers.

Ben couldn’t peel his eyes away from him as he did. He rolled his bottom lip between his teeth, considering what he should say to Callum. The more he looked at Callum the more he knew that he’d had to talk to him. If for no other reason that to give Callum chance to talk about it how he felt. There was no way to avoid it now anyway; it would be on Ben’s mind no matter what. He had to ask, “It’s him ain’t it? The bloke you’re in love with?” Callum froze his eyes widening with panic. Ben just hoped he could help him. Seeing how terrified he was, the overwhelming need to take care of him returned. He had to support him.

“I …er…don’t know what you mean?” Callum stuttered. His whole body tensed, obviously terrified that someone had discovered this truth.

Ben tilted his head and squeezed his lips tightly. “Come on Callum. There’s no need to keep it from me. Ain’t like we need to have secrets is it? I saw how you were with him, all the touches. And the way you looked at him. It’s pretty obvious mate.” Callum closed his eyes, sighed and lowered his head. Finally he conceded he’d been found out and just nodded in surrender. “D’ya wanna talk about it?” Ben asked cautiously.

Callum shrugged, “I’ve never told anyone about it before.”

Ben tried to be proceed gently, he wanted Callum to feel safe with him, like he did with him “Yeh but it’s different with us ain’t it. We’ve been able to tell each other stuff we wouldn’t other people. Safe in the knowledge that soon we won’t have to face each other again. so it really don’t matter what secrets we share.” Ben paused as Callum lifted his head to look him. “How long?” Ben continue to probe delicately, determined to help Callum open up to him.

Callum took a deep breath before he spoke. “Pretty much since I first met him I think. Except didn’t really know what it was then. Was just a kid.” He paused looking at Ben, who just nodded sympathetically before Callum continued “He saved me from a beatin from the school bully and after that we were just inseparable. I had all these feelins, every time I looked at him. Knew it was wrong, first thought it was me and that I was disgusting. Had me Dad’s words ringin in me ears. I tried so hard to fight it but no matter what I did they wouldn’t go away.” Ben thought about how he felt about Mr Clarke, not that his crush had really gone beyond that but he understood how Callum felt. “Anyway cut a long story short,” Callum continued, “He helped me realise who I was, picked up on the fact that I weren’t that into girls. Confronted me about it. Tried to deny it of course but he wouldn’t let me. Bloody kissed me to see if I liked kissin blokes.” Callum sighed deeply. “That’s when I knew for sure that I was gay and that I was in love with him. Also when I knew he’d never feel the same…Anyway he encouraged me to come out and own who I was. Him and his family just accepted me. Loved me no matter what, made me love him more.” Callum shook his head, “I tried to move on, I really did, got a boyfriend but I never felt the same spark I did when I was with him so it didn’t last. Then his brother told me he was interested. I thought maybe if I couldn’t have Lee, Johnny was the next best thing. So I guess I settled.” Ben raised his eyebrows at the point, he couldn’t help but feel bad for the poor bloke, always living in the shadow of his brother. “I hoped eventually I’d grow to love him more than I did Lee. Just never happened. Like I said think he got fed up of waitin for me to love him the way he loved me…but I just couldn’t. I’ve never felt about anyone like I do him, never had that spark with anyone til…” Callum paused and looked at Ben. For a minute, Ben hoped he was going to say until he met him. He couldn’t help feel disappointed when he didn’t. “Well it’s just never happened that way. I’ve just never got passed how I feel,” The knot it Ben’s stomach tightened even further. Knowing that Callum felt that way still, felt like a blow to the heart. He wondered why it hurt him so much. Before he had chance to dwell on it further, Callum spoke again. “So there you go. S’pose yer gonna tell me how pathetic it is to be pinin for a straight guy. One who I know I can never have. Whole things so messed up ain’t it?” Callum dropped his head, unable to look at Ben. Ben’s heart broke for him. Callum had clearly been wrestling with this for years; clearly weighed down by the rejection, guilt and turmoil he had for the way he felt. In that moment the feeling he had inside of him got pushed away and replaced with genuine concern for Callum.

Ben shook his head and frowned slightly. He knew he shouldn’t allow himself to get too close but he needed to comfort Callum; to let him know he was there for him. “Come here,” he whispered as he shifted his position so he was next to Callum, before pulling him into a hug. Callum tensed at first, this was again something they hadn’t done before. Ben knew it had crossed another line but in that moment he didn’t care. It didn’t take long for Callum to relent and give in to the comfort Ben was offering him. He returned the embrace and Ben felt his whole body soften as he relaxed. The warmth and closeness Ben felt in that moment scared him slightly, he’d never felt this way holding somebody before. Again he pushed it to the back of his mind, Callum needed him now and he was determined to be there. After a moment, Callum pulled away slowly, looking warmly at him. Ben lowered his arms and gave him a comforting smile. “Feel better gettin it off your chest?” Callum nodded. “For what it’s worth,” Ben continued, “You ain’t pathetic. You can’t help who you fall for…so I’m told,” Ben once again screwed up his face slightly, he had no experience in that area but he’d been told when you fell for someone it was hard to stop yourself. No matter how much you wanted to sometimes. “Look I ain’t an expert on this sort thing but… I think… maybe you need to distance yourself from him a bit. Sounds to me like you’ve never properly given yourself a chance to get over him. I mean even here, your spendin all day every day with him. You need to give yourself some space.”

“But he needs me. He’s going through some stuff too. I can’t just abandon him.” Callum argued.

Ben smiled at Callum sadly, “You really are a good un ain’t you?” He sighed deeply, he couldn’t believe what a selfless person Callum was. Even though it was clearly breaking him, he still put Lee’s needs first. Ben tried to offer more advice, hoping Callum would listen.“But sometimes you gotta put yourself first. Seems to me like you always do what you think everyone else needs or wants you to. What about what you need?”

Callum’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “What so I just spend me days all alone, like Billy no mates, waitin for you to be free. How’s that gonna help?” He scoffed. “Sittin here feelin lonely again. Like I have most of my life.” He let out a deep sigh as his eyes met Ben’s. Again Ben was filled with an understanding and empathy for him. There were times when Ben had felt exactly the same, even though he had his family now, there were still times felt alone. For him though, he had Lexi, she was the one constant source of light in his world. His heart ached that Callum had nothing like that.

Ben decided to break another of his rules, at the end the day he’d broken so many, what would one more hurt. “Well…maybe we could…hang out more in the day?” He suggested weakly. “I mean obviously I have to pick Lex up from school and stuff but we can do stuff before then?” Callum looked unsure, so again Ben tried to make it sound casual. “Nothin too heavy, maybe a few activities we could try out, there’s loads to do round here…and I must admit a good afternoon session is somethin new I wouldn’t mind explorin. May as well be with you.” Ben winked and gave him that smirk of his that always made Callum smile and of course it did.

“Okay,” he agreed, “I’m definitely up for givin that go!” Callum looked like he was on board with at least that part of Ben’s suggestion.

Ben once again knew that he needed to push any doubt or anxiety from Callum’s mind so crawled back on the bed towards him. “Now if you want to give me a _hand_ to relax and help get me off…to sleep. Then I’d be very grateful.” Callum grinned back at him. Ben felt the tension dissipate as their relationship returned to the foundations of their original arrangement. The terms of which had changed dramatically again. Ben knew if they could try to keep the basis of it the same, there was a chance he could protect himself. Afterwards Callum and Ben lay in their usual position and Ben quickly drifted off to sleep. Although he maintained a physical distance as he drifted off, he couldn’t help feel even closer to Callum than he’d ever been before.

Over the next few days Ben and Callum navigated their way through the changes in their arrangement. As it turned out it wasn’t as difficult as Ben had thought it might be. It turned out he really enjoyed spending time with Callum in the day. Waking up in his arms was something he’d already begun to relish but now they had more time. There wasn’t the urgency to get another session in and leave. Some mornings they’d wake up and just lay together and chat idly before engaging in their usual morning delights. Most of the times the topics had been unimportant, Callum talking about how he loved morning and Ben saying how he preferred nighttime; telling Callum how one of his favourite times of day was sunset; watching daylight disappear as night descended. Sometimes they talked about more meaningful things. Now Callum new about Lexi, Ben enjoyed telling him about her and how proud of her he was. It was so fantastic to be able to do this with someone else. Callum himself opened up about his past relationships and how his feelings for Lee has always clouded them. Ben loved how they were so open with each other. Some mornings they’d wake up and work up an appetite first then get breakfast together. Callum would always bring it up to the room to avoid any awkward conversations with the other men. Ben quite enjoyed having someone other than Lexi bring him breakfast in bed, which generally only happened on his birthday or Father’s Day. Every second he spent trying all these new things with Callum, the more he enjoyed it. One day they had spent the whole day in bed, which again was a new experience for Ben, one he revelled in. He’d also enjoyed their trips out. They’d taken part in activities, visited the main town on the island and done some other sightseeing. Callum had seemed to develop a thrill for sex in public places. Although this wasn’t exactly new to to Ben, doing it in broad daylight was. It added to the excitement, as there were more people around, which meant more chance of being caught. As the week went on, it hit Ben that he and Callum didn’t have long left to try all these new things together. The thought made him feel forlorn, knowing how much he would miss it. It was then he realised there was one thing he’d always wanted to do; one Callum could help him out with. As he didn’t have long left he needed to arrange it soon and had to rearrange some plans. He just hoped Lola and Jay would be able to help. “Can I ask a favour, well a couple actually?” he asked hoping they would oblige.

Jay looked at him sceptically, “Depends what they are?” he replied.

“Any chance one of you could pick Lex up from school tomorrow?” Ben asked hoping they wouldn’t ask too many questions.

“ _Why?_ ” Lola questioned. She had been on to Ben for a while and he knew he would have to tread carefully.

He shrugged trying to seem relaxed about everything, “Just been given the chance to go on this trip and it gets back a bit late.”

Jay and Lola both looked at him sceptically, “What trip?” Jay enquired.

“Erm…Just a trip up to the cliffs up the north end,” Ben wasn’t sure they were believing it so he decided to stretch the truth slightly. “You know abseiling n stuff.”

Jay nodded as if he’d accepted it. Lola wanted to know more “Who with?”

Ben could feel himself getting annoyed by the probing. “What’s with the third degree? Can you do it or not?”

Lola smirked, knowing he was trying to hide something. Jay seemed to just accept it, “Yeh I can pick her up. Day off tomorrow anyway. What’s the other thing?”

Ben had almost forgotten he’d asked for two things. “Oh right yeah…Any chance you could skip date night this week? Got a chance of a bit of extra work.” He hoped they would believe his lie. The truth was he wanted to spend every available second with Callum before he left.

Jay screwed his face up at that, “Kev never said there were extra hours goin.” That was the only trouble about working with Jay, he knew too much about their job.

Ben tensed slightly, “Ain’t for Kev, been doin a bit of moonlightin lately. Haven’t said cos I didn’t want Kev to find out.”

Jay pressed his hand on his chest and opened his mouth in mock hurt. “And you thought I’d drop you in it.”

Ben gave him a tight smile. “Know how hard you find it to keep your gob shut!” he scoffed.

“Erm not the best way to get me on board mate.” Jay mocked. “Better try a different tact. If you want me to give up my date night, you better think of how to make it worth my while.

Ben huffed, “Oh come off it, you two don’t even need to bother with dates. What’s the point in me anyway? Waste of time and money if you ask me? It’s only one night!”

Lola screwed her face up at him. “What would you know? Remind me how many dates you’ve been on? Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it eh!” she teased. That’s when it hit Ben, he never had; never wanted to. He suddenly realised that maybe this was something that was also safe to try with Callum. If it was a disaster he would be gone in a few days, so it wouldn’t matter. Maybe he should take the plunge and ask him.

Realising he’d begun to daydream he snapped out of it, not wanting to give too much away. “Can you do it or not? I’ll owe you an extra one or somethin.”

“Fine!” Jay and Lola said in unison. They then laughed. Ben couldn’t help but smile either at how in sync they were. He thanked them and then headed off to message Callum to tell him they had an early start tomorrow. He couldn’t help but feel excited by the plan for the day and the possibility of a date. All he had to do now was figure out a way to bring it up.

Ben and Callum set off early for their trip. The location Ben had chosen was a bit further away so they borrowed Jay’s car. Ben pointed out some of the sights to Callum as they drove and enjoyed listening to the music on the radio. He couldn’t help but sing along loudly as Tiny Dancer came on the radio. Callum couldn’t help but look at him and beam as he belted the song out at the top of his lungs. Ben caught Callum looking at him and blushed a little, “What?” he cried before grinning back. “Gotta love a bit of Elton ain’t you!”

Callum smiled. “Had no idea you could sing!”

“Well…I am man of many talents.” Ben chuckled. “A lot of which involve my mouth actually.” Ben winked and Callum couldn’t help but smile back as Ben continued to sing with power, swaying his head dramatically in time with the music. For some reason Ben didn’t feel like he had to hold back with Callum. After driving for another an hour they reached their destination. Ben had brought Callum to a very secluded part of the island. He wanted to show him the small bay at the bottom of the cliff. Ben had always had a fantasy about having sex there and he hoped Callum would be willing to make his fantasy become a reality. It was a difficult trek down to the bay, it involved walking down a very craggy path, which in parts was quite hazardous. That’s why it was so private, not many people wanted to work so hard to get there. Callum was clearly tense about the trip down. Several times he’d grabbed for Ben’s arm in panic when some rocks had slid by them. Ben couldn’t help but laugh a little each time but reassured Callum he was safe. When they reached the bottom Ben stood beside Callum and watched him take in the view. Callum’s reaction was one of awe, as he stood and took in the surroundings. The ocean looked glorious as it sparkled in the sunlight. Either side of the beach were cliff faces, which made it even more secluded. Ben’s heart fluttered a little as he watched Callum take it all in. When Callum’s eyes finally landed on him, Ben smiled warmly. “Beautiful innit?” he asked softly.

Callum took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, “Yeh,” he uttered in barely more than a whisper, eyes focused intently on Ben. Before long he dropped his head as he cleared his throat. “Erm…it’s really stunning…this place.”

Ben turned away from him. “Hardly anyone comes here. Most people think it ain’t worth the hassle of walking down that cliff.” Ben paused inhaling deeply, “But that’s the thing innit, things that give you the best rewards, ain’t always easy. I think that’s what’s makes it such a special place to me.” Ben had never bought anyone here before, not even Lexi. It would be too dangerous for her to climb down at her age but he hoped when she was older he would be able to share it with her. One of the men he’d worked with told him about it and he’d come here one day to see if what he said was true. Ever since then he’d come occasionally; falling in love with the place more and more each time. Ben suddenly remembered why he had bought Callum here and snapped out of his musings. “It’s also very _private,”_ he said turning round towards Callum and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Perfect for someone who’s recently discovered how much fun outdoor sex can be.” It wasn’t long before they were making the most of the privacy and exploring new ways to enjoy setting.

After revelling in some late morning and early afternoon delights, Ben and Callum lay next to each other relaxing on the sand. For so long Ben had built up what it would be like to be with someone in his way here; he was worried that the reality wouldn’t live up to it. In fact it was the opposite; the last few hours with Callum had surpassed all his expectations. Every new thing he’d tried with Callum had given him one of the best experiences of his life. He wondered if once he’d gone, he would ever have this again; if he could go back to how it was before. Would he really be able to enjoy living is life that way again? Again he felt a sense of melancholy that it was all to end.

“What you thinkin about?” Callum must have noticed him deep in thought.

Ben shoulders tensed a little and his face muscles tightened slightly. He didn’t want to tell Callum how uneasy he felt about things ending. “Was just thinkin about another first I’ve just had,” he said curving his lips into a smirk, hoping Callum wouldn’t be able to see through him.

“Oh yeah? What’s that then?” Callum raised his eyes suggestively, seeming quite excited.

“First time I’ve got me end away here. Always wanted to but never had the opportunity to before.” He grinned at Callum, who couldn’t help but smile back.

“Well apart from the cocktail, I have to say I’ve never had sex on the beach before.” Callum quipped. “So it’s a first for me n all.”

“ _And?”_ Ben tilted his head, desperate for Callum to tell him he’d enjoyed it as much as he had.

“Weren’t bad!” Callum teased.

“Weren’t bad!” Ben scoffed. “Think all those moans and grunts you were makin says it was a bit more than _Not bad!”_

Callum just laughed back, “Maybe.” He turned away towards the ocean, with his own smirk this time as he did. “So come on then, what other firsts have you had recently?”

Ben regarded him pensively for a minute, he wasn’t sure how much to give up to Callum. He was conflicted about what to say. Should he let Callum know how much they’d shared had meant to him? Should he keep his guard up and try and reinforce his weakened walls? Dropping his shoulders in surrender, he decided to be honest. “ _Well,”_ he started before taking a deliberate pause, “The other day I ate my first Spanish Omelette, been here years and l ain’t ever tried one before. Can you believe that?” he jested trying to keep the mood light.

Callum laughed as Ben looked at him with his usual smirk. “Wow! Proper adrenaline junkie you! How d’you find the energy for all that excitement?” He scoffed. Again their eyes met as the smiled at each other and Ben couldn’t help but gaze deeply at the blue that mirrored the ocean.

Ben had to stop himself getting lost in them and broke the moment. He looked down before speaking again. “Well in other firsts…obviously the afternoon shaggathons are quite new. Doin it outdoors in the daytime also new. That thing we did the other night…” Ben raised his eyebrows and Callum blushed at the memory; knowing Callum was clearly shy about the cries of pleasure he made during this act. Ben looked up at him and beamed at the notion he’d made him blush. Then he thought about the more meaningful firsts Callum had given him. His face straightened slightly, knowing he was about to let Callum see inside his heart more. “Course…erm…main thing that’s very new is…well this… you know talkin and stuff. Probably shared more with you then I ever have before. Never told anyone I’ve ever screwed about Lex or me Dad. Kinda bin good to share it with someone who gets it and ain’t judgin.”

Callum nodded. His forehead wrinkled with a look of concern though. “You really never talked to anyone bout this stuff?” he enquired softly.

Ben just shrugged, “Well obviously Jay and Lola know and I do talk to em bout stuff, but it’s different with you.” Ben sighed. “I mean they have been there and get it but they also have their own perspective on it all. Especially the stuff with Lex…I guess it’s just good to be able to tell someone my view of it all…without em tellin me it ain’t like I think.”

Callum looked at him sympathetically, “Ain’t you got any other mates you’ve ever been able to talk to?”

Ben screwed his face up and hummed slightly. “I don’t exactly find it easy to make friends…I mean there’s people I know from work n that but they ain’t people I would talk to about this kind stuff. They know bout Lex obviously but…well I ain’t exactly the openin up type am I? Find it hard to let people in.” Looking across at Callum he swallowed hard, realising that wasn’t the case with him. He gulped and his Adam’s Apple moved up and down his throat. Ben thought about how he’d never bothered making friends. He always had his guard up to keep himself safe. Hiding behind his snarky comments and sarcastic remarks, he’d always pushed people away. Callum seemed to be the only person apart from Jay and Lola, who’d seen behind the mask. It terrified him in a way. But the stark truth was the reason he felt safe to do with Callum, was because he knew he wouldn’t stay around long enough. Getting lost in his thoughts again he’d he realised he hadn’t responded and an uncomfortable silence had descended. He had to break it. “Different with you though innit? You ain’t gonna be round long enough to hold anythin I say against me.”

“Yeah,” Callum replied softly. As he looked at him, Ben could see a sense of sadness descend on his face; his lips curved into a frown and his eyes looked heavier than usual. After a moment he lifted his head and spoke again. “Any other _firsts_ I can help you with before I leave?”

“Actually erm…there was one thing I was thinkin?” Ben’s whole body was trembling inside at the thought of asking this question. It was definitely out of his comfort zone and he felt a huge sense of trepidation at suggesting it. He looked down hoping to hide his coyness from Callum. “Erm…Well…this is gonna sound so lame…but… I’ve never had an actual date?”

Callum’s eyebrows raised into his hairline as his mouth opened in shock. “What never?” Callum spat out. Ben felt his cheeks flush with the rising embarrassment he felt . “Sorry, it’s just there ain’t many things I’m ahead of you at is there?”

Ben suddenly felt defensive and couldn’t help but snap back a little. “Oh yeah! Look at Romeo over there. Been on loadsa dates have you? Romancin all the eligible bachelors of East London!” he scoffed.

Callum tensed obviously feeling bad for his reaction. “No…I ain’t been on many…hardly any,” he mumbled desperately trying to redeem himself. “But I have been on a few. Just surprised someone as hot as you ain’t ever had anyone try to wine n dine them.”

Ben smiled at that slightly, he appreciated Callum’s attempt to use flattery to appease him. “I never said that, just that I ain’t let em. Told you, I don’t let people get close, gives em the wrong idea. Always preferred the wham, bam, thank you mam approach. No confusion then.” he explained.

“Not even with the first bloke you were with?” Callum was obviously finding it difficult to understand how Ben had done things so differently.

Again this was something he’d never discussed with anyone else. He knew it was safe to do with Callum though. “Nah. By then I had Lex and like I said she has always been priority.” he conceded. “The first bloke I was with, well he was kinda a mate. Gave me my first taste of bein with a bloke, but made it clear that’s it all it was. Suited me n all. I trusted him and he helped confirm I was gay. Was understandin n all that, taught me a few tricks, but he was like me. Didn’t hang around after. To be honest it’s all I wanted. I focused on Lex and followed in his footsteps, gettin me kicks then movin on. So no I’ve never had an actual date.” Ben still felt uneasy about telling Callum his history but could see from the look at his face he understood.

“So is this you askin me on a date?” Callum asked timidly. Ben loved how adorable his shyness was.

Ben was clearly embarrassed but tried to sound casual in his response, “Well, just figured that if I was gonna try a date may as well be with you. That way if it goes horribly wrong, you’ll be outta here in a a coupla days. So won’t have to face you!” Again he addressed the reality of the situation, making his heart sink slightly.

Callum curved his lips into a half smile “Okay,” he agreed. “Although you should know, I don’t sleep with someone on a first date!” he jested.

Ben’s eyes lit up at that and a cocky grin appeared on his face. “Like you can resist my charms,” he said licking his lips.

Callum leant over to him and whispered in his ear, “Like I’d want to.” Ben wasn’t sure Callum knew how sexy he was when he breathed into his ear or the affect he had on him. The fact that this fairly shy man, turned into this confident almost predatory being around him, aroused Ben so much. The thought that it was him that brought this side of Callum, made his pulse rate rocket. He found it completely irresistible and pounced on him, hands wandering all over his body. Afterwards they lay side by side, breathing heavily, sweat dripping off their bodies and desperately trying to regain composure. Ben again couldn’t believe how insatiable Callum was and how he had become even more so in his presence. However the more open they’d been the more intense their physical connection had begun to feel. He wondered how he was going to find anyone else who could fill him with such desire. Again he was snapped out of his thoughts by Callum. “Let me take you out on a date!” he exclaimed as if it was his idea.

“Huh?” Ben’s face contorted with confusion. “I thought I already asked you that?”

“No…I mean you did but…” Callum was again stumbling over his words. Ben’s heart swelled at how adorable he was when he was nervous. He also took some enjoyment from the fact that he had that effect on him “I want to make it special for you. Might be the only one you have and I want it to be good one. Call it a partin gift from me, somethin to remember me by. Let me plan it?” Callum asked gently.

Ben took a deep breath, astonished by this amazing man in front of him again. He’d heard Ben, really heard him like no one ever really did before. Not only that, he wanted to make a new experience for Ben memorable and special. What he didn’t realise, was that everything about their time together had been more than memorable. Ben was certain he would never forget them. He couldn’t help but smile slightly. “Okay.” he agreed. In that moment he was overwhelmed and for a minute; the air between them was thick. Ben had no idea that in that moment he was looking at Callum with total adoration. Ben soon realised what he was doing and quickly changed expression to a more jovial one. “I expect the full works though, takes a lot to woo me!” he jested.

“I’ll see what I can do!” Callum replied with a grin. Ben had to steady himself and stop his mind and heart racing away with him. This was just a date; something new to try; it didn’t mean anything; it couldn’t. He had to try hard to focus on that and not allow himself to get swept away in moments like this. The trouble was he couldn’t seem to stop himself and he was getting less and less sure he wanted to.


	8. Breaking Down Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to anyone who took the time to read, comment or leave kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot to hear what you think.
> 
> Again I apologise for any errors I have missed whilst proofreading. 
> 
> Here is their date from Ben’s POV. I know a few of you were looking forward to this part. I hope it doesn’t disappoint x

Nervous wasn’t an emotion Ben had felt often in his life. Scared, angry, worried and confused were things he’d regularly felt, especially when he was younger. There were also moments recently when he felt all of those things. But nervous wasn’t something he was used to; not until the last couple of weeks at least. Since meeting Callum he’d found himself experiencing things akin to nerves on a few occasions. Like the time Callum spooned him; the time he’d encouraged him to open up about his Dad; the time he’d met Lexi and Ben had to explain it to him. All of these times he’d felt butterflies in his stomach but he found it fairly easy to get a grip of himself. Tonight though was a whole different ball game. Not only did it feel like a sea of sharks were lapping and gnawing at his insides, he seemed to have lost control of his body. He found himself pacing up and down the room; constantly wiping sweat from his forehead and whenever he tried to sit down his legs were trembling. He set about getting ready but that caused him even more anxiety. Not having ever been on a date before, he didn’t know what he should wear or how much effort to make. If he dressed too casual it may look like he wasn’t really that bothered and he definitely didn’t want Callum to think that. Then again if he dressed too formally, it might make things seem to serious. After toing and froing for what seemed like an age, he decided to think about what Jay and Lola did for their dates. Even though they saw each other every day, they still made an effort on their dates. Lola always wore nice clothes and made an effort to do her hair and makeup and Jay always wore a nice shirt and his best jeans, endeavouring to look smart. It was then Ben realised that Callum had never seen him in his best clothes. Most of the time he’d been in his work outfit. Other times he’d been dressed very casually in his shorts during the day or jeans and t-shirt during the evening. After much deliberation he decided to be a little smarter than usual. Even though he had no idea what Callum had planned, he wanted him to know he appreciated it and was prepared to make that effort for him too. Choosing a pale blue, smart shirt and some fitted black trousers, he took a look at himself in the mirror and felt confident he had pulled his desired image off. He hoped to sneak out without anyone else in the household seeing him but of course he wouldn’t be that lucky. As he was just about to step out of the door, he heard an over exaggerated wolf whistle coming from behind him.

“Wow!” Lola exclaimed as he turned to scowl at her. “Someone’s dressed to impress. Must be important _work,”_ she used air quotes around the last word to emphasise her scepticism of his story.

Already feeling anxious, Ben wasn’t in the mood to argue with her, worrying she’d see through his façade. “Just leave it out Lo will ya!” he demanded firmly.

Lola held her hands up in surrender, “Okay, okay…” she knew Ben well enough not to push him. “Well whatever it is you’re up to tonight…Let yourself enjoy it will you.” She patted him on the back and gave him a knowing look. Ben just nodded in response; part of him was terrified about what could happen tonight. However he decided to just go with the flow and do what felt right. Embracing the new way of doing things over the last few weeks had worked out better than he hoped. Hopefully tonight would be just the same.

As Ben walked along the sea front, his anxiety grew slightly. It hit him that he had no idea what he was doing tonight. He’d given complete control to Callum; not something he did for many people but he trusted Callum completely. They’d arranged to meet somewhere neutral that they both knew. Callum suggested a place on the seafront; hoping it would make it seem more like an authentic date rather than Ben coming to the villa. The closer he got to the location, the more he felt nerves bubbling away in his stomach. He desperately tried to get them under control; taking in deep breaths as he strode along. All of a sudden though, he caught hold of a sight which took his breath away. Callum was stood looking around the bay, the sunlight creating a beautiful glow around him. Wearing a white fitted shirt and his blue skinny jeans, he looked stunning. Ben had always found him alluring but tonight with the ocean in the background he was sensational. He hadn’t spotted Ben yet and Ben was glad. It gave him a minute to get all his emotions under control. After a few seconds Callum spied him and Ben had to keep walking; not wanting Callum to see the affect that he had on him. Exhaling deeply with each step, desperately trying to control the pounding of his heart, he smiled warmly as he neared Callum.

“Hey,” Ben greeted as he approached Callum. Hoping Callum would not see how he was trembling inside.

“Hey,” Callum echoed and his words and smiled coyly.

Ben got the sense he was maybe feeling as nervous as he was and wanted to help him relax. “You scrub up well!” he complimented and couldn’t help but look him up and down as he did.

Callum smiled warmly and blushed a little, “Thanks. You look great too,” he replied. Ben smiled warmly but couldn’t help but blush. He wasn’t used to getting these kinds of compliments and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. He settled a gentle nod as a silent gesture to let Callum know he appreciated it. Callum had such an effect on him; it was like he was a teenager with a crush all over again. He couldn’t seem to control himself at all when he was around him. The best part of it was Callum seemed to have no idea he did this to Ben. Even though he’d become more confident, he still at times was shy himself. Ben wondered if he had the same affect on him. “Shall we?” Callum asked placing his had in his hip, creating a loop for Ben to link his arm. Ben again signalled his approval for the gesture with another nod and smile and slid his arm through the space. Ben tried to control the trembling he felt inside as they walked along the path; letting Callum lead the way; guiding Ben gently to wherever their destination was. As they walked they engaged in idle chatter. For the first time that week they hadn’t spent the day together so Callum enquired about how Ben’s day had been. Ben causally told him what he’d been up to; spending time with Lexi; helping her perfect her routine for her upcoming dance recital. Ben relished then opportunity to tell Callum, knowing that in a few days time he wouldn’t have anyone to share

It with. Callum was a little vague about how he’d spent the day, just telling Ben he’d been sorting things out for tonight; obviously not wanting to ruin any surprises. After walking for a while they reached their destination. It was a beautiful little bistro, one Ben knew of but had never been to. He’d never had a reason to before, it was definitely a place for romance; something he’d never wanted to experience until now. The Bistro had a beautiful terrace over looking the rocks of the bay, with amazing views of the ocean. Ben loved that Callum had chosen this place.

Ben wanted to let Callum know how impressed he was, “Wow…this is amazin…stunnin. You do go all out with the romance don’t you?”

“I aim to please.” Callum answered dryly, before giving Ben another warm smile.

A waiter approached them to lead them to their table, “This way Senor Highway,” he gestured.

“Highway?” Ben realised he never knew Callum’s surname. He’d never even cared before, there was no need for him to know. Now thought he definitely felt the need to know. Callum Highway was a name that would be burnt into his memory forever; one he knew he couldn’t forget even if he wanted to.

“What?” Callum replied a little confused.

Ben shook his head quickly, “Oh nothin, it’s just the first time I’ve heard your surname.” Callum laughed obviously making the same realisation . “Mine’s Mitchell, in case you were wonderin.” Callum smiled and nodded gently. Ben wondered if it was something Callum needed to know, whether Ben’s name would be one he would always remember.

Once they got to their table they perused the menu deciding what to eat, then ordering promptly. Callum took charge of ordering the wine and Ben couldn’t help but be impressed with how confident he was. The fact that he’d gone to so much effort made Ben’s fondness for him grow. Ben was still feeling the nerves tickling his insides; constantly feeling insecure as he had never done this before. He worried they might not have much to say to each other. It was the longest they would have to just talk, without having some physical exertion to distract them. As the time passed though, he soon found he needn’t have worried. Their conversation flowed freely and it turned out they had plenty to learn about each other. For the first time Callum told Ben about his career as a chef. He spoke so passionately about it and Ben could see that he loved his job. Ben talked more about his ambitions about owning his own bar and what plans he had for it if it ever happened. He told Callum ideally he’d love it to be one on the seafront, being by the ocean was his favourite place to be. It would mean that going to work would be less of a chore. That’s when he learned him and Callum had another thing in common. Callum revealed to him that he’d recently discovered how much he loved being in close proximity to the ocean. Callum told him he felt more at home near the sea than he ever had before; how it calmed him and made him feel at peace. It brought back memories for Ben of how he felt when he first moved near the coast. Once again, astounding him with another thing they shared. He asked Callum if he’d ever thought about moving near the coast. Callum looked pensive, he explained he’d never really thought about it before. Telling him that he’d always been so desperate to stay close to the Carters as they were the only family he’d ever had. The thought of moving away from them had always terrified him. Ben understood and acknowledged it would take a lot for him to break from the family he’d created. Although Ben couldn’t help suggest to him that maybe he should think about making a change; knowing that it could be the only way for him to truly get what he wanted. They both seemed to be keen to avoid discussing their pasts. Ben felt it would mar the evening bringing up difficult experiences and memories. Tonight he just wanted to focus on all the positive things they had in their lives. Instead he was happy when Callum steered the conversation to favourite films, music and hobbies. Callum seemed a little surprised to hear of Ben’s fondness for musicals; teasing him a little but Ben didn’t mind as it was all lighthearted. Ben was shocked to hear Callum liked superhero films; jesting with him that the only reason he liked them was the men in tight outfits. Ben enjoyed the witty repartee they shared; being equal sparring partners; both enjoying mocking and teasing each other; both having a natural ability to make each other laugh. At the end of their meal, it dawned on Ben that he’d probably never laughed so much in his life. He started to wonder if maybe he should give dating a go. Then again, he wasn’t sure if it would be the same without the wonderful man sat opposite him.

When dinner ended Callum insisted that he paid. Ben offered to pay for his share, not comfortable with someone spoiling him the way Callum had. He wasn’t sure anyone ever had before but he did rather like the feeling. Both were feeling relaxed in each other’s company and shared warm smiles as they moved out of the restaurant. Callum again placed his arm on his waist creating a loop for Ben to hook his arm through. Ben had no idea what he had planned but was happy to follow him blindly to the next location. Callum led Ben to some rocks at the edge of the bay. Ben looked puzzled at what they could be doing until Callum finally sat down on a dry area near the edge. “Thought we could watch the sunset,” he suggested as he patted the rock next to him for a Ben to join him.

Again Ben was left speechless. He’d only made a brief comment to Callum about how he enjoyed watching the sunset, yet Callum had taken it in. Ben was overwhelmed by how thoughtful the gesture was. “You do pay attention to detail don’t you.” he beamed, unable to hide his delight.

Callum shrugged, grinning widely. “I try.” The sun was just hovering over the horizon, creating a reddy-orange glow at the base of the sky and atop of the ocean. It took about half an hour for the sun to fully set; during that time little words were exchanged. Ben made the most of the beauty in the moment, he loved watching the sunset; particularly the moment when the last glimmer of sunlight appeared to disappear below the ocean. The moment when the bright, striking light changed into the more delicate shimmer of the moon and stars. Most people thought that the bolder sunlight created the ocean’s beauty. Ben was different though, he believed that sometimes it was the more delicate understated things in life that gave the most beauty. Things that were often unexpected and overlooked. After a while, Callum sat back placing his arms behind him and leaning his hands on the rock. Ben mirrored him before looking towards Callum. Callum turned his head to meet his eyes, “It’s beautiful innit?”

Ben gazed intently into his eyes, in this light Callum’s eyes had never looked more stunning. He felt his chest rise and fall as he breathed deeply trying to control his emotions. “Yeh it is,” he uttered breathily. Ben wondered if Callum knew that was no longer talking about the sunset. In that moment though all he could see was Callum and he was the most heavenly sight he’d ever seen. Ben shuffled his hands slightly to get more comfortable. As he did he hooked his little finger around Callum’s. The moment they connected Ben’s whole body began to tingle; a sensation which he wasn’t sure he’d experienced before. Again his heart began to beat faster and every nerve in his body seemed to be twitching. Looking at Callum, he could see that the intensity of the moment had gotten to him too. At the exact same moment, when it became too much they both turned away from each other to face the ocean. Their fingers remained joined, as the sun finally disappeared below the horizon and began to cast shadows over the island.

A few minutes after the sun had finally set and the moonlight has ascended Callum stood up and spoke again. “Come on,” he instructed Ben to stand up.

“What there’s more?” Ben was shocked, he couldn’t believe that Callum had more things planned. He was more than happy for the date to end here, he’d been treated enough; floating on air from how special had made him feel. “You really do go all out on a date don’t you.”

Callum blushed and seemed a little embarrassed by Ben’s words. “Well I don’t normally get passed dinner to be honest…but as this is the only date we will have I thought I’d go the extra mile.” he explained. Ben nodded tried to smile; hoping to hide the fact that his heart ached at the thought that this would be the only date they had; that the thought of Callum leaving broke him in a way he didn’t know was possible. Callum held out his hand to help Ben up and he took it gladly. As Callum went to release it, Ben gripped more tightly. It was an instinctive move in response to the thought that soon he’d have to let Callum go. Perhaps if he gripped on tight enough in that moment, he could hold onto him a little longer. Again that same jolt of electricity flew through him. It was similar to the sensation he’d felt when their hands met by the pool that night but this time it was even stronger. It scared him and excited him in equal measure. Ben wondered what had gotten into him; it seemed he was no longer in control of his actions. Maybe it was the wine that had lowered his inhibitions or maybe it was something even more intoxicating; something he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before. Callum led him as they walked hand in hand along the seafront and into the main town.

Finally they reached their last destination of the evening. It was a hotel situated a little further back from the beach. Ben’s eyes widened and as he realised where Callum was leading him. “Don’t tell me you got us a room?” he asked excitedly.

Callum looked a little uncomfortable but then smiled. “Erm sorry to disappoint…but that would be presumptuous and a gent like me would never do that,” he joked.

Ben laughed heartily at the idea. “You do know I’m here for the takin right?” Callum just rolled his eyes before smile back at him. “Okay so if we’re not here for that, what are we here for?” Ben couldn’t help but be baffled as to why else they’d come to a hotel.

“You’ll see.” Callum teased leading him to the bar area. Unfortunately there were no seats so they headed to the bar and grabbed more drinks before finding a place to stand. After a few minutes the compere appeared on stage to announce the final act of the evening. It was none other than the legend that was Elton John, well the island’s best tribute act. Ben looked across at Callum and shook his head with a huge smile. There were very few people who’d been able to leave Ben speechless yet Callum had managed it on so many occasions in the past few weeks. Not only because of the many hidden depths he’d found him to have but because of how he seemed to know Ben better than anyone had before. “What you can’t beat a bit of Elton?” Callum echoed Ben’s words from the car the other day. Ben beamed at him and squeezed his hand as the first song began playing. Ben sang along to all the songs as he attempted to force Callum into dancing. Callum stood his ground though; his feet seemingly routed to the spot. Ben held onto his hand as he moved and danced his way around Callum. He loved Elton John and found himself unable to stop beaming as he sang along. Ben couldn’t believe that Callum had planned pretty much a perfect evening for him. He wondered if he would ever get the chance to repay him.

As the show neared it’s end and a few more drinks were consumed, Callum seemed to loosen up and began to move his body in time to the music. All of a sudden the tempo changed and Ben’s eyes lit up when the intro to Tiny Dancer began to play. He thought back to how Callum looked at him when it came on in the car the other day. He needed Callum to dance with him to it. “It’s our song, you have to dance with me!” he insisted.

“Err since when did we have a song?” Callum asked in a state of bewilderment.

Ben rolled his eyes, “Oh come on, it was on in the car the other day. Please!” Ben implored him, giving him his biggest puppy dog eyes. Callum soon relented and allowed Ben to lead him to the dance floor. Ben placed his hands around Callum’s neck and Callum’s found his waist as the both pulled each other increasingly close together. As they swayed together in time to the music, Ben stared him right in the eyes singing along. As he sang he realised so many of the lyrics related to how he felt about Callum.

_Pretty eyes, pirate smile_ ;

_Now she’s in me, always with me;_

_Oh how it feels so real, lying here with no one near and only you and you can hear me;_

_When I say softly, slowly_

Every time the word highway was sung he pointed towards Callum in a dramatic fashion, making Callum laugh heartily. Ben knew that whenever he heard this song in future, he would think of Callum; the one Highway that he’d always remember his journey on. As the song neared the end their eyes had become fixed on each other’s. For a fleeting instant Ben thought Callum was going to lean in and kiss him and again he wanted him to. He almost stood on his tiptoes and leant towards him. Suddenly the song ended Callum pulled away and Ben found it hard to hide his disappointment that the moment had ended. They listened to the last two numbers and the show ended. “So any other tricks up your sleeve?” Ben asked flippantly, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Callum gave him the softest of smiles, “Maybe one more…Fancy a moonlit stroll on the beach?” Ben gestured his agreement with an eager nod. It sounded like the perfect way to end what had to have been one of the best nights of his life. With that gesture, Callum took his hand in his again and lead him out of the hotel. It was only a short walk to the shoreline. Callum instructed Ben to remove his footwear when they arrived at the beach. Ben complied without question; trusting Callum completely. The ocean looked so beautiful; the moonlight bounced off it creating the most enchanting glow as they walked. The sensation of the cool sand against his feet, made Ben’s body feel alive; coupled with the feeling of holding Callum’s hand, his heart rate skyrocketed to an astronomical level. They walked in silence, but a comfortable silence; a silence you have when you are completely relaxed and have everything you need; where words are not needed to show how you feel . After a few moments of silence, Callum couldn’t hold back any longer, “So…How was your first date?” he asked with a hint of nerves in his voice.

Ben stopped dead in his tracks and turned so he was again facing Callum head on. Not for the first time in the evening he was unable to stop his face giving away the emotion in his heart. He was sure he was looking at Callum as if he’d hung the moon for him and in that moment it felt like he had. He wasn’t sure he had the words to express everything he felt, “It was…pretty amazing actually. You know how to make a guy feel special.”Ben knew that was nowhere near an indication of how he really felt. Callum had not only made him feel special but completely broken through so many of the walls he’d built. No one had ever made him feel the way he did right now. Ben sighed wistfully as Callum looked at him,” I didn’t think datin was for me, but well let’s just say you’ve a gone long way to changin my mind.”

Callum seemed pleased with himself, a wide smile creeping form ear to ear. “Well I’m glad I’ve opened your eyes to the benefit of datin. If you’d let em you’d have a queue of men willing to take you on another one. Could easily find someone better than me to romance you?” Ben’s eyebrows turned inwards, he had no idea what Callum was trying to say. For a moment a fog descended and he worried Callum thought they weren’t suited. Callum couldn’t possibly believe that anyone else could be better than him. “What d’you mean?” he asked hesitantly.

Callum raised his shoulders forward. “Oh come off it Ben, I ain’t under no illusions as to the fact you’re way out of my league. You’re gorgeous and sexy and could have anyone you wanted. I’m just some lanky moron, who ain’t got a clue…” Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How on earth did Callum not see how amazing he was? He had to stop him; to make him see; pressing against his lips a clear indication for him to shut up. Ben could feel Callum’s whole body tremble. He cupped his cheek in his hand in the hope of soothing him.

Ben gazed deeply into Callum’s eyes, his heart pounding so loudly he was sure Callum would feel the vibrations “Callum,” he groaned, “You need to stop sellin yourself short. You are beautiful inside and out. I don’t know why you can’t see it yourself.” Ben gently stroked his cheek with his thumb. Callum scanned Ben’s face and his eyes dropped to Ben’s lips. Ben had sensed this moment had been building all evening but it still took him by surprise when Callum leaned forward; placing his lips softly against Ben’s. Although Ben was a little blindsided by the move, he still pressed back gently into Callum’s lips. This was like nothing Ben had ever experienced before. He’d only kissed Scott and been kissed by a few eager hook ups, when he was caught off guard. However now the softest press of Callum’s lips on his made him feel alive. It was like his heart was beating for the first time in his life. Not only was it thudding erratically, it was like it was singing; unable to contain the joy at having Callum kiss him. Callum’s lips were soft and the brush of his stubble tantalised him in the most extraordinary way. All of a sudden it became too much and he pulled back. It was like he just needed a minute to absorb what had just happened; to assess why he felt the way he did. He was baffled as to why even though their lips had only just parted, he already missed having Callum’s against his. As his eyes met Callum’s again, he saw Callum looked anxious; like he’d done the wrong thing.

Callum was clearly worried by Ben’s reaction and started to try and make amends for what he’d just done. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to…”Ben instantly sought to silence him and reassure him that he had definitely done nothing wrong. He reached out and grabbed the back of his head pulling him close and crashing their lips together more firmly;

hoping to let Callum know how much he wanted this; how much he wanted him. This kiss was deeper than their first, open mouthed, stronger, tongues dancing together. Ben felt like he’d been transported to a scene from one of the cheesy romcoms Lola made him watch. The kind of stories he didn’t believe actually happened in real life. Yet here and now he fully believed that it was true. Kissing Callum in the moonlight, sand tickling his feet and the ocean lapping against the sure; he was certain it would be a scene he would replay in his mind forever. With each moment, the kiss quickly became more heated. It wasn’t like the heat that they’d previously shared, this was far more sensual and tender. Although the kiss was full of passion and intensity, it wasn’t frantic and fuelled by desire. Ben thought that this was what kissing someone was supposed to be like; like kissing Callum was something he was meant to do all his life. It was intoxicating and addictive and he found himself wishing that they could have this forever. Unfortunately it had to end as both men needed to take a moment to breathe; all their breath being absorbed in their kiss. Ben smiled earnestly, rubbing circles into Callum’s neck with his thumbs. He instantly saw relief sweep across Callum’s face and he smiled back warmly at him. Ben was almost certain the look on Callum’s face was that of a man in love. Normally it would petrify Ben to think someone could look at him that way but in that moment it made Ben feel like he was flying and he didn’t ever want to come back to earth. Callum bought his hands up to Ben’s face and leant in again for one more kiss.

Ben responded softly, before he pulled back one final time. “Take me back to yours,” he begged in a whisper and Callum nodded slowly. Ben wanted to be even closer to Callum; needing to experience the intimacy he had actively avoided his whole life. Tonight though, his walls had all come crashing down and for the first time in his life he had no desire to rebuild them. Interlocking his fingers with Ben’s, Callum took his hand in his again as they walked along the beach silently. Neither of them felt the need for words, their actions tonight had conveyed more than they could ever articulate. Every now and then they glanced at each other, simultaneously locking eyes briefly. Both couldn’t stop the smile that crept up their face as they did. It was clear that things had changed between them and Ben was filled with excitement for what their new found connection would feel like.

When they arrived back at the villa, it was empty. Ben was still firmly holding onto Callum’s hand as he led him up the stairs to his room. After closing the door behind them both, Callum sat on the bed and gestured for Ben to join him. Ben sat down next to him and could no longer hide the nerves . For a moment they just gazed longingly into each other’s blue eyes. Ben’s whole body trembled visibly, his fingers shaking as he gently swiped some hair from Callum’s face. He couldn’t control his legs as they bounced up and down frantically. Callum seemed to sense his anxiety and gently rubbed his thigh in a soothing moment. Both seemed to know that what was about to happen was different from all the other times. In their previous encounters clothes would have have been discarded by now; hands and mouths would be desperately searching for areas that would give the most pleasure in the quickest time. However both men seemed to be in no rush; almost as if they were yearning to commit everything about the night to memory. Eventually Callum brought his hands up to the back of Ben’s head and pulled him in closer. Their lips meeting again in a slow, tender kiss. As the kiss deepened, Callum moved them both to lay on the bed. There was no attempt to remove clothing or take things further initially, just to continue to enjoy kissing and stroking each other gently. Both hummed into each other’s mouth as they kissed. Throughout their time together they had always managed to elicit the most primal sounds from each other. This wasn’t like that though, the moans of ecstasy were different to any either had made before. Ben didn’t think he’d ever heard such glorious sounds from Callum. He certainly couldn’t stop the moans that came out of his mouth. He had given up all control of his body tonight and was running on complete instinct; hoping it would guide him safely to a place he’d always been to scared to go to before.

It seemed like they had been kissing for hours, before Callum pulled back to catch his breath. Ben’s lips were swollen and red from the length of the kiss. Callum scanned Ben’s face slowly and Ben felt like his heart was about to burst. “You’re so beautiful.” Callum stated honestly. No one had ever said that to Ben before and what’s more he knew Callum meant it. He struggled to contain his emotion, he was sure his eyes were brimming with tears. He knew he had to try not to let them spill; swallowing hard to try and keep his composure. He reached up to run his fingers through Callum’s hair, pulling his lips back down to his as he did. With this movement their bodies became pressed even closer together; both becoming aware that each other was having a clear physical reaction to their new found connection. Callum slowly placed a hand under Ben’s shirt and began gently caressing his skin underneath. Ben reached up and began to unbutton Callum’s shirt, which began the process of them leisurely removing each other’s clothing. Again there was no haste, each taking their time to touch and kiss each other in a way they never had before. Ben made sure he had kissed every inch of his body and was sure Callum had done the same to him. Both rolling over in turn to ensure that each was equally cared for and looked after. After experiencing the most intense foreplay he ever had, Ben was ready for the next part; moaning desperately to let Callum know he wanted things to move forward. Once prepared they found themselves in a position they never had before; facing each other while their bodies were connected in the closest way they’d ever been. It seemed like their bodies intrinsically knew whatever to do when joined. They had always had the perfect synchronicity and moved together to ensure both got what they needed from each other. Although that had stayed the same, this time the pace and fluidity of their movements was different. Their lips were connected throughout as they glided slowly together; making sure each sensation they gave each other lasted as long as possible. Ben knew that this wasn’t just a pleasure seeking act; this was about each of them expressing their affection for each other. Ben was determined to show Callum how much he meant to him throughout and Callum’s movements and gestures let him know he was doing the same. This wasn’t like any other time they’d been together; there were feelings that Ben had never felt before. Ben couldn’t explain it. He didn’t know what this was but he knew it was more than just sex. Ben wasn’t sure he’d experienced what love was, only on the familial way he had with Lexi and to a degree Lola and Jay. However he thought that this might be it. That his need to express his affection for Callum in this moment was a way of showing love. That the way Callum looked at him, touched him and cared for him in this moment, was his way of showing Ben how he felt for him too. This was them making love to each other. Lasting longer than any previous time they had been together, it all became too much. Through their groans and breathing each man was making it clear they were nearing their climax. Like everything else that had happened that evening they reached their mutual high together; calling each other’s name in unison against each other’s lips.

After it had ended they returned to kissing tenderly again. Before long Callum left the bed to retrieve a cloth from the bathroom to clean each other. Even this was different. Normally they’d just clean themselves up but this time they took time to clean each other; not wasting any chance to show their care and affection for each other. Lying together in the afterglow, they held each other properly for the first time. Ben rested his head against Callum’s chest; listening to his heart pounding in his chest. It felt like it was beating just for him and he hoped that if Callum could feel his at all he would hear the rhythm that echoed in his head. _Callum, Callum._ Callum ran one hand through Ben’s hair and then trailed the fingers of his other up and down Ben’s arm. Ben also traced delicate patterns over Callum’s defined torso and stomach. Each featherlight touch both stimulated and soothed him in equal measure. Breathing deeply, he inhaled Callum’s scent; wanting to commit everything about this beautiful man, in whose arms he lay, in to memory. He didn’t want to think about what tomorrow would bring them; afraid of letting his mind run away with him and wanting to focus solely on the present; on the feelings that had been awakened in him tonight; on the fact that he’d been able to share such a sincere connection with someone. Something he never thought he would want or need. Ben turned his head up towards Callum, seeking out Callum’s lips once more. It was like he was addicted to them and he couldn’t imagine ever not wanting to feel his lips against his. Callum lowered his face so their lips could meet once more. For the last few moments of consciousness they exchanged deep and soft kisses before succumbing to exhaustion. It was the first time they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms and the most settled Ben had ever felt when falling asleep. It was akin to the time Callum had stoked his hair but even more soothing. He knew they had definitely crossed the line from a merely physical relationship into something deeper. He didn’t know what that could be. One thing was for sure though, there was no coming back from this. Things were never going to be the same for him or for them and for once in his life, in that moment, it didn’t scare Ben.


	9. Protecting Those You Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you so much for those who took the time to read, comment or leave kudos on the last chapter. I really appreciate it and enjoy hearing your thoughts.
> 
> Apologies again, if I’ve missed any errors while proofreading. 
> 
> Sorry for the angst in this one :-(. Hope you can still enjoy it x

Waking up from a deep slumber, Ben felt like he was still intoxicated. Not by alcohol but by the scent that engulfed him as he breathed in deeply. He didn’t need to open his eyes to realise where he was. He knew the air that filled his lungs was infused with Callum’s sweet aroma. He could feel a warmth enveloping him completely, both from the outside and inside. Whatever feelings Callum stirred up in him last night were still burning this morning and creating a wonderful glow in his heart. Callum’s own heart was still beating against his ear. It wasn’t quite as fast as last night but hearing it soothed Ben. He was afraid to open his eyes; afraid that if he did the spell would be broken. For the time being he was happy to breathe in Callum and remember everything about last night. How Callum’s lips felt against his and the sounds he made as they kissed; how Callum’s tongue tasted as it danced with his; how his skin tingled under Callum’s touch; the way Callum moaned his name as they reached their highs together; how he fell asleep in Callum’s arms feeling safer than he ever had. All of a sudden he felt Callum’s arm twitch slightly. Ben realised they were laying in the exact same position they’d fallen asleep in and wondered if Callum was uncomfortable. He opened his eyes slowly and tilted his head back to look up at him. Ben couldn’t help but beam at the sight that met him. Callum was still sleeping soundly and Ben couldn’t help but notice how peaceful he looked. His hair was soft and fell slightly over his forehead. His lips were open a little and he almost looked like he was smiling. Ben couldn’t help but wonder if he was dreaming and if he was if those dreams were of him. As he watched him sleep, his heart swelled with so much joy. Just being in his presence made Ben so happy; even if he was just sleeping Callum had the power to make his world brighter. It then hit him, he’d never felt this way about anyone before. The closest he’d come to it was when he was with Lexi, although that was a different kind of love. _Love._ All of a sudden he froze; it was then it hit him; _Did I just use the word love?_ he thought to himself. It was then he knew the feelings he had for Callum were more than he’d ever had for any man. He thought he may have fallen in love with him. Ben began to panic, a million questions flew through his mind. _How had he let this happen? Was he sure he was in love with Callum? Was this what love felt like? What was going to happen now? Callum was still going to leave wasn’t he and where would that leave him?_ The happinesses felt in that moment had begun to fade, leaving a trail of fear in its wake. Just then Callum began to stir, he looked down at Ben and gave him the warmest of smiles. Ben’s heart lifted again and he couldn’t help but smile with genuine affection at him. “Mornin,” Callum croaked our softly.

Ben smiled gently as he replied, “Mornin.” Callum bent his head to kiss him. That’s when a sense of complete and utter panic took over. For the last few weeks, he’d let his heart overrule his head; now his head was starting to fight back. All the doubts he’d had in his mind took over and he felt the need to break away from Callum. He was afraid if he let him kiss him, he’d never want him to stop. Then he’d lose him and it would destroy him; he had to try and protect himself. He leapt back as quickly as he could; he had to get away.

Callum was clearly confused by the sudden turn of events. “What is my mornin breath that bad?” he quipped, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

Ben couldn’t bring himself to look at Callum; knowing that he would be hurt and confused by his actions. He kept his eyes firmly on the floor as he shuffled around the room collecting his clothing. “Nah…it’s just I had a message from Lo, sayin she’s ill and needs me to look after Lex.” Ben was trying to think on his feet, he needed a reason to get away quickly. Suddenly waves of guilt washed over him; knowing it was the first time he’d felt the need to tell Callum a big lie. Scrambling to get his clothes on as fast as he could, he managed to get himself ready to leave.

“Right.” Callum sighed and Ben knew from that one breath he had hurt him. His heart sank at the thought, he wanted to say sorry to hold him, to make it better for him. But he just couldn’t. The walls had come back up and he couldn’t let them be broken again. He had to protect himself.

Finally when he was fully dressed, he allowed himself to glance briefly at Callum. When he saw the hurt look on his face he hated himself but he knew he needed to just go. “I’d erm…better go.” he mumbled and he leaned his head towards the door, indicating he was about to leave.

“Okay,” Callum huffed sounding defeated. “Will I see you later?”

“I…er…I dunno…depends.” Ben was stumbling over his words. It seemed his head and his heart had engaged in a major battle. His head saying tell him no, get out you’ll only end up getting hurt. His heart telling him to go to Callum, hold him tight and never let go. He couldn’t make sense of it all or let one side win so he settled for a neutral response. “I’ll text you later yeah.” Callum nodded and with that Ben turned and walked hastily out of the door. Once out of it he had to just keep going; worried that if he didn’t his body would betray him again and he’d turn and head back to Callum. When he reached the street, he marched at a quick pace needing to put as much distance between himself and Callum as possible. With each step he screamed at himself internally, unable to control the hurricane that whirled in his mind. _This wasn’t ever supposed to happen to him. How had he been so stupid to not see his feelings for Callum were growing so strongly? Did he love him_? _Did he even know what love was? Could he be any good at loving someone? If he did allow himself to, would Callum stay? If he didn’t stay could he cope with the idea that he let someone in and they still chose to leave him? What if he did stay and it didn’t work and Lexi got hurt?_ Suddenly it all became too much for him and he let out huge, despairing roar; clenching his fists and jamming them into his thighs. Everything he was feeling all came tumbling out and he was unable to stop tears streaming down his face. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he sobbed like this; it had been many years. Allowing his emotions to pour out, he couldn’t quite figure out who his tears were for, him or Callum. He slumped down against the nearest wall, hugged his legs into his chest and buried his head between his knees. After a while he began to calm himself and managed to breathe deeply. As he did, he realised he was breathing in a familiar scent. One which was comforting and soothing him. Callum’s scent still lingered in his shirt from the close contact they had last night. Ben’s mind began to fog again and he knew he had to get home and get changed if he had any chance of lifting it.

When he got home he was relieved to see that Lola and Lexi weren’t home. The last thing he wanted to was for Lexi to see him in this state and the last thing he needed was for Lola to start asking questions. Jay was there though and he instantly sensed there was something wrong with Ben. He tried to greet him but Ben just barged passed him and grunted at him to let him know there was in no mood to talk. Heading towards the sanctity of his room, he quickly rid himself of his clothes and got things ready for a shower. Taking out the frustration he was feeling on his draws and wardrobe as he slammed them loudly. Eventually he was ready and he got in the shower. Letting the water cascade over his body he hoped it would go some way to soothing him. Unfortunately it didn’t. No matter how much he scrubbed his body, he didn’t help cleanse him of Callum. He could still feel his lips pressed against his; still taste him; still smell him; steel feel his warmth. Ben knew that these feelings would forever be imprinted in his mind. The thought that soon maybe the memory of him would be all he had again hit him hard. He was broken and he couldn’t let that happen. He had to pick himself up and find a way to keep afloat before he drowned. Turning off the shower, he shook himself off and stepped out and dried his body. He headed back to the bedroom and got dressed before deciding he needed a coffee; hoping it would help stimulate his mind. As he walked into the kitchen, Jay was still sitting in there, looking at him warily. “Alright?” he muttered, definitely a question rather than a statement.

“Yeh fine!” Ben stated abruptly; hoping he would give the impression that he wasn’t in the mood for talking. He opened the fridge and realised they were out of milk. “Great!” he huffed slamming the empty carton on the side.

Jay’s eyes widened, “Someone’s in a good mood,” he said sarcastically. Ben just glared at him and offered no response. “What’s up with you this mornin?” he asked cautiously.

“Nothin!” he snapped. “Just could have done with a coffee. Can’t drink it black can I?”

Jay shrugged “Well you could…”

Ben cut him off abruptly, “Ain’t interested in whatever quick fix your gonna suggest!”

Jay then slammed his own cup down. “What the hell is with you today? Bad night?” Jay knew it was could be dangerous to push Ben when he was in this mood, but he couldn’t ignore seeing him this wound up.

Ben thought about the last question. No it wasn’t a bad night. It was one of the best nights he had ever had in his life, yet he knew that his actions and thoughts this morning had managed to mar it. He couldn’t face the thought of talking about it so he decided to just go along with it. “Somethin like that.” he finally answered.

“Wanna talk about it?” Jay asked cautiously. Ben just shook his head, even if he did he had no idea what to say. “Look whatever it is don’t let it ruin your day. You’ll go out tonight find another distraction and you’ll forget about it yeh!” Jay obviously had no idea what was wrong with Ben but his words resonated with him. If he could go out and find someone else, maybe he could forget Callum or at least prove to himself that Callum wasn’t as important to him as he’d started to think. It could be the perfect way to put all these feelings behind him.

“You know what Jay, you may just be right! Just need to go and find an outlet for my frustration. That’ll put me in a better mood!” he stood up to leave.

“What now?” Jay cried out in surprise. “Aren’t you gonna come and meet Lo and Lex for lunch with me?”

Ben turned to look at him, “Like you said sooner I find a distraction, quicker my mood will pick up. Then I’ll be in a better frame of mind for family time.” he gave Jay his trademark wink and headed to get changed. He knew exactly where to go to find a distraction and just hoped it would settle his feelings for Callum once and for all.

Ben headed straight out to the local gay bar. Knowing that if there was anywhere to find someone to take his mind off Callum, it was there. He bought himself the coffee and a sandwich, feeling the need for an energy boost before he found an outlet for his tension. As it arrived, he began to eat and drank while he scoured the room looking for anyone. It didn’t take long for him to notice a handsome, blonde man smiling at him. At that moment Ben knew everything he needed to. He felt sick at the thought of that man touching him; of anyone touching him who wasn’t Callum. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly; hoping to force the thoughts out of his mind. It only did the opposite as all he could see was Callum. Callum’s beautiful blue eyes and striking smile. He knew then that Callum was the only person he wanted. For the first time it was clear and he was prepared to admit the truth to himself; he had fallen in love with him. Not being able to finish his sandwich, he had to get out of there. He thought about heading straight to the villa to talk to Callum; explain why he’d left like he had. Then he realised that might not be best idea, maybe he needed time to figure out what to say. He decided to go home; knowing the rest of the house would be out for lunch would give him time to think about what to do next. As he sat and pondered he thought he just needed to be honest with Callum. He needed to tell he wasn’t sure what he was feeling but he wanted to see if there was a way they could make this work. He wanted him to know how much he cared for him; that he thought he was in love with him; that these past few weeks had been some of the best of his life. He wasn’t sure how Callum would feel about it all. Last night and this morning he seemed like he wanted the same thing. He just hoped his actions this morning hadn’t caused him to change his mind. He was distracted from his thoughts by Lexi who came running into the room.

“Daddy!” she screamed obviously happy to see him. She ran to him, wrapping his arms around his easier and squeezing him tightly.

Ben smiled warmly, Lexi always had the ability to lift his spirits. “Hey Princess. You had a good day?” he asked.

Lexi smiled and nodded rapidly, “We’ve been for pizza! It was great. Oh and we saw Callum too.”

Ben’s heart sank through his feet, he knew Callum would know he lied to him. “Where did you see Callum?” he asked nervously.

“Was in the restaurant. Didn’t see him for long he looked upset when Uncle Jay said you weren’t comin and he ran out!” Ben was confused and distraught. He wondered what Jay had said and why Callum would be upset. He tried hard to hold it together; not wanting Lexi to see he was worried.

Just then he saw Lola walk in looking concerned. “Hey Lex, can you go and play in your room a sec. Just need to talk to Dad okay.” Ben gave Lexi a kiss on the head and she headed into her room.

“Where’s Jay?” Ben asked Lola anxiously. He was desperate to know what had he’d said and why Callum seemed upset.

Lola sighed, “Went straight to work after dinner,” she paused looking pensively at him. “So I met Callum today.” she said softly. Ben closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. Lola was already onto him and this would have been the final piece of the puzzle that she needed to put it all together. “Well fit!” she said with a cheeky smile. Ben huffed out a small laugh before dropping his head, “So I’m guessin he’s the reason you’ve been actin so different lately. He’s what’s put that spring in your step.” Ben sucked his lips inwardly and nodded, knowing he’s been caught out and there was no point hiding it anymore. “Why didn’t you tell us you were seein someone?”

Ben shook his head, “It ain’t like that Lo. We weren’t like together or anythin. We just had a kinda arrangement. Just hookin up and nothin more. That’s why I never said anythin, it weren’t supposed to mean anythin.” He almost whined out knowing that he’d messed that up.

Lola screwed her face up, “Well from the way he ran out of the restaurant when Jay told him you were off out on the pull, I think it means somethin to him Ben.”

Ben’s whole body tensed and panic began to set in. His stomach felt like it was rising up into his throat. Callum knew. He knew what he was planning to do. “What exactly happened?” he asked needing to find out what had transpired.

“Well Lexi saw him and ran up to him. Then we introduced ourselves, he looked a bit awkward; told me you were more like acquaintances. Then Jay came in moaning about the mood you were in. Said you weren’t comin and that you had gone out to find someone to help you get rid of your frustration. Poor bloke looked like he’d been kicked in the stomach.” she frowned.

Ben felt like he’d stabbed himself in the heart. “Shit!” he cried out. The thought he’d hurt Callum was too much to bear. “I’ve gotta go!” he insisted and headed out of the flat. He could hear Lola trying to call out behind him but he couldn’t waste any time listening. He needed to find Callum and explain. He just hoped he would understand and forgive him.

He headed straight to the villa but when he arrived there was no one there. Frantically, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and began dialling Callum’s number. Each time it went to voicemail and each time Ben felt himself getting more and more angry with himself. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid and selfish. Instead of being honest with Callum, he ran and tried to protect himself. Now Callum was probably out there thinking he didn’t care about him, maybe even doing what Ben had done and trying to find a distraction. The thought he was with someone else made him want to cry. He wanted to find him and stop that happening but he had no idea where he could be. The only thing he could do was wait and hope that Callum would return soon and give him a chance.

It was hours before he saw a taxi pull up outside the villa. In that time he’d worked himself into a state of anxiety; constantly worrying what Callum was doing; hoping he was okay; hoping that he wasn’t suffering too much because of him. Eventually when he saw the men vacate the taxi he saw that most of them were in a drunken state. All but one, Lee was desperately trying to hold Callum up. Callum looked the most inebriated out of all of them and it was clear he could barely stand. He didn’t notice Ben standing there but Lee did and called out for him to help “Mate can you help me get him upstairs?” Lee called out to him. Ben instantly ran over and placed Callum’s arm around his body attempting to hold him up.

Callum hadn’t really noticed he was there at first, but as soon as Ben touched him he looked down at him in a confused state trying to speak. “What you doin here?”

“I tried to ring you,” Ben began to explain but Callum quickly cut him off.

“Ain’t no signal out at sea captain!” He garbled in what appeared to be an attempt at a sailors accent. He then tried to raise his arm from Ben in salute but ended up just slapping him in the face. “Sorry!” He cried.

“It’s alright! It’s fine.” Ben replied. To be honest it was the least he’d deserved after what had happened. “Think it’s best we keep movin okay.” Lee agreed and they quickly tried to steer Callum through the door and up the stairs.

Callum was a little reluctant to let him help. “You need to go!” He insisted. Ben went to speak but Callum didn’t allow it. “No seriously, it’s fine. I get the message. I know you’ve been out lookin for _fun_ today.” Ben dropped his head to his chest, shame and guilt washing over him. “No don’t feel bad. It’s fine. We ain’t nothin, never have been, not to you anyway.” Ben raised his head back up to look at him, his face full of shame. He went to try and speak but faltered. Callum smiled warmly at him. “Don’t feel bad. You ain’t done nothin wrong. Now it’s early you’ve still got time to find someone else to scratch your itch.” They finally reached the bedroom and Callum stopped Ben from entering. Ben tried to shrug him off and continue to go with him. Callum looked at him, clearly getting more frustrated with him. “I’ll be gone tomorrow anyway…so it don’t matter. Go on, go find the next one.” Ben again tried to protest but Callum refused to let him. “Just Go! I don’t need you here messin with my head.” Ben shook his head trying to control his emotions; wanting to put this right but not knowing how he could. “Think I’m gonna chuck again!” Callum exclaimed, quickly dashing into the bathroom, managing to reach the toilet in time.

Ben looked forlorn and went to follow Callum into the bathroom. Lee stopped him in his tracks. “Mate I think it’s best if you leave it for tonight.”

“I just wanna make sure he’s alright.” Ben insisted trying to push past Lee; feeling anger and jealousy rise in him; that he of all people was the one trying to stop him being there for Callum.

Lee remained firm however, “Look mate his head’s a mess right now. He’s been spouting garbage all day. Think it’s best you let him sleep it off and talk in the mornin. Neither of you wants to say somethin you’ll regret.” Ben closed his eyes and sighed, conceding that Lee was probably right. “I’ll take care of him. I promise.” Lee assured him. Ben wanted to protest but the thought of making it worse terrified him. He nodded weakly and walked away dejected. He hated himself in that moment for hurting the one person he thought he’d ever loved. Tears trickled over his cheek as he walked home. He wanted so desperately to fix this for Callum; to take away any pain he had caused him. Then he realised he had no idea how he could do that. That was the problem wasn’t it; Ben had no idea how to love someone. There was no way he could ever make a relationship work; he simply didn’t know what to do in one. No matter how much he wanted to make Callum happy, he knew inevitably he would only end up hurting him. If tonight had shown him anything, it was that the kindest thing for Callum would be to let him go. In the long run it would save him the inevitable heartache Ben would cause him. It would also save Lexi from getting attached to him and then him being ripped away from her. Ben had to protect the ones he loved most and that now included Callum; even if it meant he’d have to break his own heart.

He walked around for hours that night, not being able to face going home yet. When he eventually crept in, in the early hours, he hid away in his bedroom. He tried to settle to sleep but he couldn’t; unable to shift the thoughts of Callum from his mind. Every time closed his eyes he saw his face; his beautiful eyes and illuminating smile. As much as he tried to focus on that, his mind kept drifting to how he’d left him; hurt and confused. Tossing and turning, he could not seem to find a way to be comfortable. It dawned on him how much he missed lying next to Callum; the warmth of his body; the soothing sound of his breathing; the featherlight touch of his fingers as they linked with his. He wondered if he’d ever be able to sleep peacefully again without Callum being by his side. Once again tears began to fall and for the first time since he was a teenager Ben cried himself to sleep.

When he woke he realised it was mid-morning. He looked at his phone and thought about calling Callum; just to check he was okay. Then again he wasn’t sure that was the best idea. He had made the decision to let him go and maybe he just needed to stay away. He was snapped out of his thoughts by a light knock on the door.

“Come in!” he called out softly. Lola peeped her head around the door and stepped in with a warm drink in her hand. “Thought you might fancy a cuppa.” she said softly.

Ben smiled weakly and gestured for her to come in. “Thanks,” he mumbled quietly.

She placed the cup on his bedside and sat next to him on the bed. “You okay?” she asked him. Ben just shrugged, he wasn’t sure was capable of putting on a façade today. “You know you can talk to me Ben. You never know it might help.”

“Not sure where to start,” Ben sighed.

Lola rested a hand on his leg, “Maybe try the beginning?” she suggested. Ben nodded and began to tell her all about what had happened between him and Callum. How they’d met; how he’d been different to his hook ups; how he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. Then he detailed the arrangement and how things started out and how they’d developed. He told her all about how they’d talked, cuddled and even the date they’d had. He told her how scared he was when he realised how he might be falling for him; how he’d freaked out and ruined everything. Lola listened without saying a lot and not judging and Ben appreciated it. Eventually he got to the point he’d left him last night and the state he was in. He shook his head and wiped a stray tear that escaped his eye as he finished. Lola leaned forward and placed her hand on his arm. “And what you gonna do now?” she asked.

Ben took a deep breath. “I’m gonna let him go. It’s the only thing I can do.”

Lola looked confused “But…you’ve just basically told me you’re in love with him and from everything you’ve said he feels the same. Are you sure that’s really what you wanna do?”

Ben nodded, after the turmoil he’d been through and put Callum through, he was certain of it. “He’s better off without me Lo. I have no idea how to do this; the whole relationship thing. I’ll only mess it up and hurt him in the long run.”

“You don’t know that Ben,” she looked at him seriously. “Look no relationship’s easy. Even when you’ve been in one for years you get bumps in the road you have to get round. But you can figure it out together. How do you know you won’t be able to work it out of you don’t even try?”

Ben appreciated her words and wished they were true for him but he knew that he’d made the right choice. “I can’t risk it Lo. I’ve already hurt him and I ain’t prepared to do it again. Even if we gave it a go, if only screw up and what then hey? It ain’t just him. What about Lex? She already likes him, won’t take much for her to love him. Then when I mess it up, she gets hurt n all. I won’t do that to her Lo.” Ben was firm and Lola knew him well enough to know that when he made his mind up there was no shifting him. “It’s over Lo.” Ben made his final declaration on the subject.

“Okay,” she conceded. “Are you gonna talk to him before he goes? You said he’s leavin today?” Ben had thought about this a lot, part of him wanted to stay away let it lie. However he knew he couldn’t do that; he owed Callum a proper goodbye.

“Yeh. I don’t want it to end badly. I need to say goodbye. Owe him that much at least.” Ben knew it was just as much for him as for Callum; he had to get some closure for him too. Lola gave him a tight embrace then left him to get ready. Ben took his time wanting to make sure he was prepared for what was to come.

After a short while, he left his home and headed towards the villa; for what he knew would be the final time. With every step he took; he took a deep breath to compose himself; he had to hold to together for both of their sakes. When he got to the front door, he took a minute to steady himself before he knocked. Finally mustering enough courage, he raised his hand and rapped the door gently. A few moments later it opened slowly and Callum was stood behind it. Ben had to look away; unable to bear the tension he felt in his body at the thought of what he’d done. “Hi,” he mumbled, “How’s he the head?”

Callum took a deep breath, then sighed. “Wrecked to be honest.” Callum could barely look Ben in the eye but he knew they needed to talk. “Don’t s’pose you fancy a walk. Might help me to clear it a bit.” Ben just nodded and Callum stepped out of the door. They walked in silence at first neither knowing what to say. There was almost too much Ben needed to say but he didn’t know where to start. He had no idea where he was going to find the strength to say goodbye. They made their way onto the beach as Callum looked around taking in the view. “I’m really gonna miss this place.” Callum said breaking the silence.

“Yeh it’s pretty amazin!” Ben responded quietly. “Look Callum. I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…I…” he struggled to get his words out. There was so much he needed to say but the words just weren’t there.

Callum came to his rescue once again interrupting him. “It’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry. It’s me who’s messed up. Not you.” Ben was confused, how could Callum possibly think he’d done anything wrong. He tried to speak again but Callum seemed determined to say his piece. “You made it clear the whole time, what this was. I knew exactly what I was gettin into. At the start…it suited me. It was all I wanted too. But as time went on and I got to know you. I couldn’t help it Ben. I fell for you.” Callum choked back his tears and seeing him like this, with his heart laid bare, broke Ben a little. Callum tried to lighten the mood a little when he continued. “I mean why wouldn’t I? You’re gorgeous, funny, a fantastic dad and you’re kind and considerate. Awesome in bed n all. Got a dodgy taste in films and music but no one’s perfect eh?”

Ben huffed out a laugh and he lifted his head for the first time. His eyes met Callum’s briefly and for a fleeting moment he let his mask slip; his face showing the adoration he felt for him. The moment didn’t last though and Ben shook his head and sucked in his lips. “I can’t give you what you need Callum. You are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met in my life. You deserve the world….And I can’t give it to you. I’m so sorry.” Ben almost croaked it out, choking back emotion as he spoke. He wished he could have told Callum how he really felt but settled for letting him see a glimpse of what was in his heart.

Callum nodded his head and in that moment it looked like he’d accepted defeat. He stepped closer and cupped Ben’s face with one hand. “It’s okay. You never made me any promises. This ain’t your fault. Please don’t feel bad. You can’t help how you feel, any more than I can.” As he spoke a single tear slowly rolled down his cheek. “I’ve have had the best month of my life and that’s all down to you. I’ll never forget it or regret it. Thank you…thank you for letting me find out who I am.” At that exact moment it began to rain; the first time in the last month that it had in the daytime. As rain ran freely over both of their faces, Ben could see that Callum had let go and his tears fell as freely as the rain. Ben just dug his teeth into his lower lip; hoping to prevent his own tears falling and to stop himself from saying the words he knew Callum was longing to hear. The words that would put their hearts in too much peril. Callum exhaled and spoke again. “I better go, got a plane to catch and packed all my clothes. Can’t let these get wet.” The words sounded relaxed but his trembling bottom lip gave away how he felt. Finally he leant forward and connected his lips with Ben’s for one last, tender kiss. Ben kissed him back hoping to convey how special he was to him without having to say it. Finally Callum pulled away and Ben instantly missed the sensation of his lips on his. It broke him knowing he would never feel it again. “Goodbye Ben!” he whispered.

“Bye Callum.” Ben uttered almost inaudibly. Callum took one last look at Ben’s face, like he was trying to commit it to his memory, before lowering his hands from it. Once the contact was broken Callum turned and walked away at a pace; not looking back once. Ben had to fight every urge in his heart, to call out his name and beg him to stay. Once he was sure Callum was no longer in range he broke down. Letting out deafening sobs as the heavy flow of tears burst from his eyes. He had no rush to get out of the rain, it couldn’t damage him anymore than he’d damaged himself. Finally Callum disappeared from view and Ben knew that was the last time he would see him. He was certain then that it was the last time his heart would ever beat like that again. It was irreparably broken and he only had himself to blame. What he wasn’t expecting was to feel a hand grabbing his shoulder. As he spun round, he felt shocked and confused to see Callum’s friend Lee stood behind him. “Think we need a chat!”


	10. Navigating Life Without Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for those of you who took time to read, comment or leave kudos on the last chapter. It really does mean a lot. We’ve finally got to a part of the story we haven’t seen before. I know some of you were looking forward to seeing Lee and Ben’s conversation. I really hope I’ve got it right and it doesn’t let you down.
> 
> Again apologies for any errors I’ve missed whilst proofreading.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the next part. As always feel free to let me know what you thought :-)

Ben’s mind was in a state of utter mayhem; he couldn’t make sense of anything. He’d just watched the only man he thought he’d loved walk out of his life and now he was being confronted by that man’s best friend. He was half expecting for him to berate him; even punch him for hurting his friend. It would have been no more than he deserved. What he wasn’t expecting was the sympathetic look he was given and the soft tone of voice trying to offer him comfort. “Come on let’s get out of the rain. Looks like you could do with a drink.” Lee suggested.

Ben couldn’t comprehend what was happening. “What have _we_ got to say to each other?” he spat. Part of him still feeling a sense of jealousy towards Lee, knowing how Callum had felt about him; part of him determined to push him away, just like he had Callum.

Lee looked firm and Ben got the feeling he wasn’t going to relent. “Actually I think me and you have a lot more in common than you think.” he insisted. “Look just one quick drink. Better than me followin you home and goin at you all the way. Your choice.” Ben knew he was serious, he couldn’t quite believe the guile of him.

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head he agreed to his request. “Fine! Lead the way!” he snarled, letting Lee know he wasn’t happy with the situation. Lee turned and they headed to the nearest bar on the front, getting out of the rain as quickly as possible. Lee instructed him to find a seat and headed to the bar to get a drink. Ben requested a whiskey; needing something stronger to help take the edge off all the emotions he was feeling at that moment. For a split second he considered running while Lee was distracted but for some reason he couldn’t. He was intrigued to hear what Lee would have to say. Lee sat down and just observed Ben. Ben didn’t like the scrutiny; he hated the thought of being judged so he did what he always did in these situations, went on the offensive. “So this is where you rip into me is it? Tell me what a prick I am for stringin your mate along and hurtin him. Cos if it is mate believe me I ain’t interested. He knew what he was gettin himself into alright. I never made him any promises!” he snapped. He didn’t mean any of what he said; he didn’t blame Callum for anything. He just really couldn’t bear the thought of Lee lecturing him. After all, he’d been breaking Callum’s heart for years; even if he was unaware of it.

Lee just laughed lightly, “Wow, you’re a bigger idiot than I thought. He knows how to pick em alright,” he huffed.

Ben felt his anger instantly rise, he wasn’t about to sit here and take insults from someone who he barely knew. “You know nothin about me!” he snapped.

“Actually I know way more than you think.” Lee retorted. Ben wondered what exactly Callum had told Lee about him, how much he did know. Before he had a chance to respond Lee continued. “See I’ve been where you are.”

Ben wondered if he knew how Callum had felt about him and if he was comparing it to how he now felt about Ben. “Oh yeah. Where’s that?” he scoffed back at him.

“Lettin the love of your life walk out of your life, cos you’re too scared to admit how you really feel.” Lee replied, rendering Ben surprised by his response.

He gulped hard trying not to let him see that he was affected by his words. “I don’t feel anythin!” he responded, trying to not let his mask slip.

Lee huffed and screwed his face up. “Yeh course you don’t. That’s why the second he was gone you broke down is it? Cos you don’t care.” Ben dropped his head to his chest and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think of an explanation he could give as to why it happened. Nothing that he could say would make any sense. “Look…I know I don’t know you… but I saw the way you were with him last night and just now. I know you care about him.” Ben couldn’t argue with him, he just remained still; refusing to look at him, “Don’t make the same mistake I have. I thought I could just end it, move on but I can’t. I can’t stop thinkin bout her; can’t bring myself to go near anyone else. It’s just made realise how much I love her and for all I know I’ve blown it. She probably ain’t ever gonna give me another chance and I’ve lost her for good…and I’ve only got myself to blame cos I was too stupid to realise it sooner. Don’t let that happen to you…for his sake as much as yours.”

Ben looked back up at him and sighed; sucking in his lips trying to not let the mask slip further. “This ain’t the same…I don’t…” Ben couldn’t bring himself to say that he didn’t love Callum. “I don’t…feel the same way you do.”

Lee nodded sympathetically, “Told myself that n all, so many times. Thing is don’t matter how many times you deny it, it won’t change anythin. You can’t fight your feelins forever.”

Ben knew he wasn’t buying his denial so he thought it might me best to change tact. “Look even if I did feel somethin for him…which I ain’t sayin I do….he deserves way better than me. I’d only end up screwin up and hurtin him. That what you want for him is it; ending up heartbroken and miserable?” he hoped it would make him see he was no good for Callum.

Lee shook his head, “Course that ain’t what I want but I don’t want the alternative either,” Ben was confused by what he meant, he held his arms out suggesting Lee should expand on what he was saying. Lee obliged, “You know these past few weeks I think he’s been the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Like he’s finally comfortable in his own skin; more confident, more chilled…And I think a lot of that’s down to you. You’ve made him come to life and even though things haven’t worked out like he wanted, he’ll always know what it’s like to have that,” he paused again and sighed deeply, “You know he was considerin givin it another go with Johnny earlier.” Lee moaned. Ben’s heart sank. The thought that Callum would even consider that and not let himself have a chance of finding real love broke him. Not to mention he couldn’t help but feel jealous. “He thinks if he can’t be with you, he may as well settle…See that’s the alternative; him livin half a life, never truly bein happy…So…yeh I reckon him havin the chance of proper love with you, even if things don’t work out and he could end up gettin hurt…well it’s gotta be better than that.” Lee insisted.

For the first time Ben let go of he façade and was open. “I don’t know…I don’t know if I can give him what he needs to be happy.” he sighed lowering his head again.

Lee again half-smiled in sympathy, knowing for the first time in the conversation Ben was being honest. “Ain’t it worth givin it a try? For both your sakes.”

Ben gulped back his emotion. Again his head and his heart were waging a war. His heart telling him to take a chance, to try; his head saying it was too big a risk and it wasn’t just Callum that could get hurt. “It ain’t just me n him I have to consider in all this. I’ve got Lexi as well.” She would always be his priority and he had to remind himself of that.

“Okay. I get that,” Lee thought for a moment before continuing, “How bout this?” he paused to make sure Ben looked at him, continuing when he did. “We swap numbers. You take time to figure out what you want; to see what life’s like without him. If it goes back to how it was and you’re fine then delete my number and it’s over. _But_ …if you realise that you maybe wanna give it a go; that your life isn’t the same without him; get in touch and I’ll tell you where to find him. I won’t contact you at all, the ball will be in your court completely.”

The suggestion seemed sensible enough but Ben wasn’t sure. “I dunno.” He mumbled.

“Callum don’t need to know anythin. I won’t tell him we talked. So if you chose to just let go and move on he’ll be none the wiser. We can pretend none of it ever happened.” Lee looked genuine, “Come on…what harm could it do eh? At least you have the option if you do change your mind.” Ben finally surrendered and handed Lee his phone to put his number in. Lee did and then rang his phone from Ben’s so he could store his number. “Right well I’d better go. Gotta plane to catch.” Lee stood up to leave. “If you decide you wanna give it a go, don’t leave it too long eh. I just hope I haven’t.” Again Ben nodded and Lee turned to walk away.

Before he managed to get too far away, Ben called his name. “Lee!” Lee turned back to him. “Look after him yeh.” This time it was Lee’s turn to nod and smile and with it he turned and finally left the bar. Ben let out a deep breath and a stray tear washed over his face. In his mind he knew that him and Callum were over; they had to be; there was no other way. However his heart was telling him that the door hadn’t fully closed yet; that a glimmer of lights was still shining through. As he left the bar, he realised that only time would tell which one was right.

Time is supposed to be a healer; help you gain perspective; help you learn how to move on. That’s what Ben had always been told but for him, the past few weeks hadn’t helped with any of these things. The day chose to let go of Callum had broken him. He couldn’t face going home, especially after his conversation with Lee. The last thing he wanted was for Lexi to witness him in that state so he headed for another bar. Downing one drink after another, he hoped he could dull the ache in his heart; desperate for the pain to stop. However it didn’t, by the time Jay found him he hadn’t managed to drown his sorrows; it was more like he was drowning in them. He didn’t even bother trying to hide it from Jay; just sinking into the comforting shoulder that he found wrapped around him and weeping. Lola had send Jay to find him, after explaining what had been happening. Although he knew Jay was offering words of reassurance to him, none of them were really penetrating Ben’s mind or heart at the moment. All that became clear in his mind was that he’d achieved another first today; the first time he’d truly had his heart broken. Of course he’d been heartbroken when his Mum left and his Gran died but this was different. This was the first time that he opened his heart to someone; a love that had taken over him and he couldn’t control. This was the first time he had his heart broken and what was worse he’d done it to himself. Eventually Jay managed to help him home and put him to bed, without Lexi seeing the state he was in. Ben had passed out almost straight away; the alcohol and emotional exhaustion had taken over. In his sleep he managed to find a glimmer of peace, coming from lucid visions of being held in Callum’s arms; staring into his ocean blue eyes and being warmed by his beautiful smile. This would be the only place he could feel real happiness again for the next few weeks.

Ben had never had to get over someone before. It was another first Callum had given him. It proved harder than he had ever realised it would. Every morning he woke up from blissful dreams; for a brief second thinking they were real and Callum was lying next to him. It didn’t last long, when he opened his eyes and realised it was just the pillow or duvet wrapped against him. Even subconsciously he missed the comfort Callum provided him and was using the inanimate objects as a substitute. For the first two weeks, Ben sunk into a state of melancholy; going through the motions. He’d follow his routine; working at night; spending the day doing things at home until he had to pick Lexi up. His afternoons and evenings with Lexi became his favourite time of day. Again she provided the sunshine that managed to pierce the dark clouds that hovered over his world. It was the only time Ben managed to smile or feel a slither of joy. The only thing that was different, from before Callum, was that he came home alone at night after work. Ben knew he wouldn’t be able enjoy being with anyone else at the moment; his mind and heart still consumed with thoughts of Callum. There was no point going with anyone else, if it didn’t make him feel good; so for now he decided not to. Instead he put more time and effort to the things that did make him feel good, spending time with his family.

That’s he wound up on a family trip to the water park, a few weeks after Callum left. At first he wasn’t sure it was the best idea, he thought Lexi might bring up the last time they were there. However after some incessant pleading from her, he soon backed down. If there was one thing Lexi knew how to do, it was wrap Ben around her little finger and they both knew it. As it turned out it wasn’t as hard as he expected it to be; being able to focus on Lexi and join in with the fun she was having. It also helped having Jay and Lola with them; as him and Jay enjoyed having competitions and winding each other up. As the day went on, he realised how lucky he was to have this wonderful family. It gave him some solace knowing that no matter what, he would always have them to pick him up. While Lexi and Lola want on smaller ride, Jay challenged Ben to a race on one of the super speed slides. Ben never backed away from a challenge and gladly accepted. They made the steep climb to the top of the slide and watched as several others went down. When it was their turn, they stood at the top and both propelled themselves down; hoping to gain an advantage over the other. The flow of the water was extremely powerful, Ben’s body was pushed up and down and he felt water tugging at his shorts. It was quite an exhilarating feeling trying to keep control and ensure he got down to the bottom as quickly as possible. When he arrived at the bottom he was plunged into the exit pool. He surfaced a few seconds later and immediately looked to see if he had made before Jay. After a minute he realised that Jay was already in the pool, his head and shoulders just hovering above the water. He knew he’d lost the race. A small wave of frustration hit him but he decided to be gracious in defeat and went towards Jay to congratulate him. However he was surprised as he approached by the look of complete and utter panic. “Mate get over here quick!” Jay yelled at him.

“What’s up?” Ben cried out concerned for his friend.

“My shorts…” Jay mumbled as he got closer to him but Ben couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. He gestured to let him know he hadn’t quite caught what he’d said. Jay beckoned him closer and tried to subtly tell him, “I’ve lost my shorts!” Ben looked down quickly and realised that Jay was desperately trying to protect his modesty under the water. Ben couldn’t help himself and began to howl with laughter; it was the first time he’d laughed in the last few weeks. “It ain’t funny!” Jay snapped back at him.

Ben tried to contain his laughter but found it very difficult. “What you goin commando in packed water park? Mate you’re right it ain’t funny, it’s bloody hilarious!” he chuckled.

Jay’s face grew redder and redder and Ben wasn’t sure if it was out of annoyance or embarrassment. “It ain’t out of soddin choice is it. The force of that water on that slide yanked em off. Just sort it will you!” he demanded.

“Me?” Ben called out in surprise. “What d’you want me to do? As much as I love you there ain’t no way I’m going anywhere near your bits!” They both grimaced at the thought.

“Not that you moron! Find em!” Jay ordered clearly losing his patience.

Ben shook his head and continued to laugh. “I think you should find em yourself.” Ben teased. “Especially as you can’t even ask nicely.”

Jay was getting more and more angry, “Mate I can’t can I? Someone might see,” he paused gesturing to his groin area. “Please just find em will ya?” he begged.

“Oh I wouldn’t worry mate, no one round here as a magnifying glass on em. Plus you know…cold water n that!” Ben couldn’t resist trying to wind him up. Jay glared at him and Ben just eventually relented, “Alright!” he said as he scanned the pool area, unable to spot them first. He swam around and then located them near the edge of the pool. Quickly retrieving them, he swam back towards Jay to return them. Jay snatched them quickly out of his hand and attempted to put them on under the water. It proved quite tricky as they were filling with water and ballooning as he tried to push them deeper. Eventually after a lot of effort, swearing, some odd looks from passers by and raucous laughter from Ben he finally managed to get them back on. As soon as he had, Jay raced to get away from the area as fast as he could; clearly embarrassed beyond belief. Ben just followed behind him, still chuckling to himself. When they reached Lola and Lexi, Ben couldn’t wait to tell them what had happened. All three of them laughed hysterically, while Jay just sat sulking like a toddler.

After they’d all settled down, Lexi ran to Ben throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. “It’s so nice to see you laughin Daddy.” she smiled.

Ben felt a tinge of concern as he pulled back and looked at her. “What d’you mean baby?” he asked.

She shrugged, “You’ve just been sad all the time lately. Just nice to see a bit of the old you back.” Ben pulled her into his arms and tried hard to stifle the emotion he felt. He thought he’d done a better job of hiding all his anguish from Lexi and he felt guilty that she’d seen it. Lola and Jay looked at each other and then back at him. Jay even smiled at him, all the anger and embarrassment faded. If it took him being humiliated to make Ben smile again, it was worth it. In that moment Ben realised he had to try harder to move on and get back to normal. One of the main reasons he’d made the choice he had was to protect Lexi. He couldn’t let it affect her any longer, he needed to put her first. He needed to move on.

That night he set about making the first step in moving on and getting back to how things were before Callum. Whilst at work, he set about looking for someone to help bring him out of his misery and to have some fun with. After all, it had been said they best way to get over someone, was to get under someone else. It was the first night he’d actively been eyeing men as they came into the bar and had found a few men he’d found attractive. Initially he compared everyone to Callum; the trouble was no one came close. Ultimately, he saw that no one would and he would have to lower his standards if he wanted to find someone. Deciding to bite the bullet, he actively engaged with one man who had hung around until late in the evening. The man was fairly attractive, with dark hair and dark eyes and Ben hoped he help him get over his hurdle. It was all going well until they were just about to leave and the man rubbed up and down Ben’s thigh. The touch caused another involuntary reaction from Ben; leaping of the stool as quick as he could. The touch sent a shiver down his spine, leaving him cold and nauseous. It felt so wrong that anyone other than Callum was touching him. The man had no clue what he’d done wrong and was confused. Ben apologised and told him he had to go. Making his excuses to his boss as well, he got out of the bar as quickly as possible. Once outside, a sense of panic took over him; his breathing becoming shallow. After a few minutes he managed take deeper breaths and regain control. Tears fell from his eyes though as the sense of sadness took over him. Taking a slow walk home, he hoped by the time he got there he could calm himself down. He hated that his body seemed to betray him in this way. All he wanted was to get over it, but it was like his heart and soul wouldn’t let him. He berated himself for allowing this to happen. Pondering what had occurred as he walked, he thought about how disgusted he felt by that man’s touch. It was so different to the first time Callum grazed his hand and every other time he’d touched him since. It dawned on him then how much he missed Callum’s touch; how good it made him feel; how it soothed and exhilarated him in equal measure; how it made him feel alive. Then he realised it wasn’t just his touch he missed. He missed talking to him; he missed the way they teased each other; he missed the way he just understood him. He just missed him. Before he knew it he’d aimlessly wondered all his way home. Knowing he needed something else to soothe him, he did what he did most nights, especially since Callum had left; he went to watch Lexi sleep. Even though it did help - being around Lexi always did - it didn’t dull the ache in his heart. The problem was before Callum, part of his heart had remained closed off. It was a separate part to the one that contained his love for Lexi. Now it was open, it was like he couldn’t seal it back up; his affection for Callum pouring out of it; making him hurt in a way he didn’t know possible. He just had to hold onto the hope that one day, he could close it off again; that the pain would eventually go away. After gently kissing Lexi goodnight, he managed to go and find some relief in the only place he could. His dreams.

Waking up the next morning, Ben felt alone and deflated yet again. All the hopes he had of moving on had faded a little. Luckily he had a few hours before he had to pick Lexi up. In that time he hoped that he could figure out a way to push his feelings aside or at least get better at hiding them. He went through the same old routine of getting up and ready. It was just going through the motions for him but he had to for his family’s sake; if not his own. Whilst he was in the kitchen getting breakfast, Jay came in and began to chat idly to him. Ben did his best to engage but Jay could tell his mind was elsewhere. Since finding Ben on the day Callum left, he’d grown increasingly concerned for his brother and wished he could help him. “You okay Bruv?” he asked softly.

“I’m fine,” Ben tried out to put on a façade but Jay knew him too well.

“Right…” Jay thought about leaving it be but he couldn’t ignore it any longer. “Look mate it’s clear you ain’t alright. You need to talk to me or Lo if you prefer…but I think you really need to talk to someone.” Jay put a hand on his shoulder, making Ben look him in the eye. “We’re here for you. Always.”

Ben gulped back the emotion he felt before shrugging. “I appreciate it bruv…It’s just I’m not sure what to say.” he sighed deeply.

“How bout whatever is in your head?” Jay suggested softly.

Ben thought about it and just decided to be honest, maybe it would help to voice how he felt. “Well you know about that guy…Callum,” just saying his name out loud made his heart skip a beat. “I know I made the right choice in lettin him go. It wouldn’ta worked. But…I just miss him you know. Can’t stop thinkin about him no matter how hard I try. I even tried to go with another bloke last night and as soon as he touched me…it just felt wrong…I couldn’t go through with it.” Jay just listened and nodded sympathetically. “It’s just…well…I’ve never really felt like this before and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Jay thought carefully about what to say, it was clear he wanted to help but wasn’t sure he knew how. “Mate I ain’t an expert,” he conceded, “But I remember when I broke up with Abs, I felt the same. And even knew it was the right thing to do I missed her. It took ages to get over it. I had to come and stay with you guys remember?” Ben did remember and he remembered how down Jay was. “But after a while I got through it. Just takes time. If it’s the right thing you’ll get there. Don’t push yourself too hard yeh. You’ll know when and if you’re ready to move on. Don’t force it.”

“Yeh I guess you’re right.” Ben agreed, if last night had taught him anything it was that he was definitely not ready to move on. He still believed he’d done the right thing, he just needed more time to get over it; to get over Callum.

Over the next few weeks Ben followed Jay’s advice, allowing himself time to heal. He threw himself into spending time with Lexi; learning her new dance routine; practising for her latest swimming badge and reading Harry Potter books together. Him and Jay has also come up with a more formal plan for setting up their bar. This gave him something to look forward to and helped him focus a bit more on the future. All of these things had helped lighten Ben’s mood. Of course he still missed Callum but he had found a way to navigate life without him being part of it. It wasn’t easy at times; waking up from his dreams of him and realising he wasn’t there hit him hard every morning but he coped. That’s how he would describe how his life was right now; he was coping. That was until he received a message he wasn’t expecting to. One that shook him to the core.

**_Lee Carter_ **

****

**_I know I said I wasn’t gonna get in touch but think you need to know something. Callum’s made a decision and I ain’t sure it’s the right one. The wedding’s going ahead. If you don’t want to lose him for good you need to do something now. You’ve got two weeks to decide. Don’t leave it too late. His address is below._ **

****

Ben felt like he couldn’t breathe; his chest tightened and he felt like he was being crushed. It was almost like the words in the message were actually knives and each one taking it in turns to stab him through the heart. None of it made sense. His thoughts began to run wild in his mind. _Why would Callum go back to Johnny when he didn’t love him? How could he still consider marrying him after what had happened? Was it his fault, because he couldn’t have Ben, was he just going to settle for Johnny? Had he really wrecked Callum’s life by forcing him to settle for half measures? Had he lost him forever?_ A stray tear fell gently over his cheek and his whole body shook. He could have sworn he heard a loud crack as his heart broke a little more. His eyes were drawn back to the phone; he reread the words, praying he’d misunderstood. Clouded by his heartache, he suddenly had another irrational thought. While he’d been moping around and pining for Callum, he’d probably be getting reacquainted with Johnny. Ben knew he had no right to be angry; he had told Callum he didn’t want him. But he wasn’t thinking rationally; he was hurting. He did the thing he always did when he could no longer cope, hit self destruct, blew off work and headed for the nearest bar; hoping that he could drunk enough to blot it all out.

Things went drastically down hill for Ben from that day. The next week flew by in alcohol induced haze. He’d begged Lola and Jay to cover for him and take care of Lexi, he couldn’t bear the thought of her seeing him like this. He knew he shouldn’t do this but he couldn’t stop himself. They were really concerned for him, they weren’t sure they’d ever seen him like this before. They tried to reason with him but he wouldn’t listen, completely caught up in a storm of despair. The thought that not only had he finally lost Callum for good but that Callum was about to live a life of misery became too much. He tried to find someone else to take his mind off things, flirting with as many random men as he could. A few times he’d got close to hooking up with one, usually in the toilets of the bar he was in at the time. However, every time someone else touched him he felt sick; he tried to push passed it but the alcohol took over and he vomited or nearly did. It was like his body had a physical reaction to anyone other than Callum touching him. It was enough to put anyone else off him; perhaps that was what his body was trying to do. Every night he just ended up stumbling home alone; falling into a coma like state; spending the following day sleeping off the effects until it was time to start again.

After a week of trying to reason with Ben and hoping he would snap out of it soon, Jay and Lol decided they couldn’t let it continue much longer. It was time to stage an intervention. Arranging for Lexi to stay at a friends, they decided it may need two of them. Ben woke to find both of them waiting for him in the lounge. He took one look at them and knew what they were doing and tried to turn around and walk back out. Jay stopped him in his tracks and Ben could see that he wasn’t going to back down. “What is this some kinda intervention?” he spat out, arms folded against his chest in defiance.

“This can’t go on Ben!” Lola demanded. “I know Callum getting married is hurtin…”

Ben cut her off, “You don’t know anythin!” he snapped.

“D’you know what Ben. You’re right.” she conceded. “But that’s cos you won’t talk to us. You can’t carry on like this!”

Ben wasn’t prepared to listen. “I’m a big boy. In more ways than one,” he quipped. “Can do whatever I want?”

“And what you want is to turn into your Dad is it? Drink yourself stupid and forget all other priorities!” Jay cried, his face falling instantly, feeling guilt for even making that comparison.

Ben clenched his fists in anger. He couldn’t believe that Jay would say that to him. He raised his arm and in that moment he almost lost control and lashed out at Jay. All of a sudden something snapped though, in that action he saw his father in himself for the first time. It disgusted him and terrified him in equal measure. The thought that he could become his father was all it took to bring him back to reality. He froze, then shook with horror before sinking to the ground and sobbing loudly. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he cried as tears streamed down him cheeks. Both Jay and Lola instantly ran to comfort him, throwing an arm around him and whispering words of reassurance. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Ben calmed.

When they were confident he was ready Jay hauled him up and guided him to the coach. Lola eventually started to talk to him. “Come on Ben we need to talk this out. Please!” she begged.

Ben finally surrendered, “It’s just hurts so much…I mean I let him go, told it couldn’t work…I thought I could handle it. I know I’ve been missin him but like you said,” he looked towards Jay, “That in time I’d get over it. But him gettin married, knowin he’s just moved on with his life…that I’ve lost him for good…it’s broken me. And I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you love him?” Lola asked. Ben shrugged, he hadn’t ever felt like this before. “Time to be honest,” Lola muttered softly.

“I think so,” Ben mumbled through tears. “But I’m only gonna make him miserable ain’t I?”

“Right.” Jay said. “Can I ask you somethin? You said his mate said he thought he’d made the wrong decision.” Ben nodded, that had pretty much been what Lee had said in his message. “Well he obviously don’t think he’s gonna be happy.” Ben shrugged not really sure what point Jay was trying to say.

Lola took over, “Look I think what Jay is tryin to say is, whether he’s with you or not he’s gonna end up miserable.” Jay nodded knowingly as Lola continued. “Look maybe it won’t work out, but you’re here miserable, he’s over there probably miserable. I mean it’s pretty obvious he loves you too. Ain’t it worth givin it a go? Tryin to make him happy…Make each other happy.” Ben again shrugged. “Think about it are you just prepared to sit back and do nothin? Can you really just let him go for good?”

Ben thought about what they’d said. The thought that Callum could be just settling for a half life and being unhappy killed him. The thought of Ben hurting him also terrified him. However he realised that the thought that he could lose him forever, was the most devastating thing of all. In that moment he knew what he had to do. “I can’t let him go!” he stated, never being more sure of anything in his life. “I wanna be with him. I’ve gotta go get him!” Lola squealed with delight as she ran to hug Ben. In that moment nothing was more clear, he loved Callum and couldn’t bear the thought of being without him for one more second. He had to find him and tell him. He just prayed he wasn’t too late.


	11. Worth The Risk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you to those who have read, commented and left kudos on the last chapter. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate hearing your thoughts. 
> 
> Apologies if I’ve missed any errors whilst proofreading. 
> 
> This is the last chapter where you will already know what happens. I hope you enjoy it from Ben’s POV :-)

Once he’d finally admitted to the truth to himself, it felt like the clouds over his world had been lifted. Although he wasn’t sure Callum would still want him, he had something he hadn’t had for a while; hope. One thing he was running short of though was time. Lee had told him in his message that he only had two weeks and more than one of them had gone already. He knew he needed to get his act together and fast. At first he considered calling or messaging Callum but it didn’t seem right. He asked himself what he would say. _Hey don’t get married I think I might love you how about we give it a go_ or _I miss you so much please come back to me._ Anything he thought of just didn’t seem enough. He needed to prove to Callum he meant it; to show him how he felt. There was only one day to do that and that was to go to him. The problem was the only flight he could manage to get on was in three days time. Of course he booked it, there was no way he would miss the chance; he just hoped it wouldn’t be too late. In the meantime it gave him chance to spend a little more time with Lexi and make up for the past week. She enjoyed having her Dad back and made the most of the time they had together. It also gave Ben time to think about what he wanted to say to Callum. He’d never laid his heart out on the line before and it terrified him. Although he trusted Callum to be gentle with it, there was a still a chance he’d left it too late and it could still end up broken. On the flip side this, he had to consider what would happen if Callum was prepared to take the risk; there were things that needed to be put in place. Lola and Jay were brilliant as usual, agreeing that they were happy for him to stay with them. Ben worried it was moving a little too quickly but he was prepared to do whatever to have Callum back in his life. He was a little unsure how to handle the situation with Lexi. One the one hand he wanted to ask if it was okay for Callum to stay. But on the other he didn’t want to tell her it was going to happen for sure. There was still a chance Callum wouldn’t be interested and then she might be disappointed. In the end he decided to be honest with her and involve her in the decision. At the end of the day she was still his priority and what she felt mattered. He broached the subject one day as they went for an ice cream after school. “Do you remember Callum Baby?” he asked cautiously.

Lexi smiled as soon as his name was mentioned, “Yeh course, he’s a hero remember!”

Ben smiled warmly, “Well…I’m thinking about asking him to come and stay with us for a while,” he told her carefully. “I mean he might not want to…or be able to so it’s not for definite…but if he can would that be okay with you?”

Lexi’s forehead furrowed for a minute, obviously confused by something. “Well it’s fine with me but where’s he gonna sleep?” she asked innocently.

Ben realised that she wasn’t used to seeing him with a boyfriend and this would be something for her to get used to. It was something for him to get used to too. “Well he’d sleep in my room with me.” he replied coyly.

Lexi’s eyebrows raised and a knowing grin appeared on her face. “Is Callum your boyfriend?” It was clear she had cottoned on to what them sharing a room meant.

Ben felt a little tense, he wasn’t sure what to say. “Well…erm…I’d like him to be…but it depends on what he wants.” Ben still had the slightest doubt that Callum wouldn’t want him. “Would that be okay?” he asked.

“Yeh. Course.” Lexi was assured in her response. “He seems nice and it’s about you found someone special enough to love and to love you.” Ben just put his arm around her and have her the biggest cuddle. Having her blessing, made him feel even more confident he was doing the right thing. Again he just hoped that it worked out the way he was desperate for it to.

Three days later he found himself on his way back to London for the first time since he’d left years ago. It was a little bit daunting, knowing he was going back to a place that he’d mainly experienced some of the darkest days of his life. Remembering that Lexi was born there, reminded him though, that there were always moments of joy to cling onto; that even in the darkness, the moonlight still illuminated the world. He hoped that coming back here, would give him another amazing gift in his life; one he would also be able to keep and treasure forever. Once he landed, he made his way through the airport and headed to the tube line. It was mid-morning when he arrived and he hoped that when he reached Callum’s flat he would still be there and had a not left for work yet. He’d forgotten how busy London was in rush hour and how crowded it could be. People were milling around everywhere, getting in Ben’s way and invading his personal space. It felt very claustrophobic and reminded him why he loved living on the island so much. If he wasn’t so nervous and excited to see Callum, he may have gotten annoyed with it all; but in that moment there was only one thing on his mind. After a short ride, he arrived at the stop that was nearest to Callum’s address and made his way out of the station. He’d planned his route out before he left and had a good idea of where he was heading to. It sounded strange but with each pound of the pavement, he felt like his heart felt more and more whole. It was almost like it had begun to sing and it was only playing one tune. Eventually he found what he believed to be his destination. Regarding the buzzers on the external door, he thought about how to do this. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many feelings he had in his heart. He just hoped Callum would be prepared to listen. He wished he didn’t have to buzz; he didn’t really want the first words he spoke to be through an intercom. He wanted Callum to see his face and see that his words were heartfelt. More importantly he wanted to see Callum’s face and see how he reacted to them; knowing that he would know all he needed to from staring into those ocean blue eyes. Taking deep breaths to compose himself, he tried to build the confidence to press the button. Suddenly an opportunity presented itself, a delivery man came out of the building in a rush and the door flew open wide. Ben took the chance to nip into the building. His heart began to flutter with the idea of finally being close to Callum again. After working out the layout of the building, he ended up outside Callum‘a door. Again he paused, preparing himself for what could be one the most important moments of his life. When he felt ready, he began knocking on the door; anticipation making his hands shake. There was no response so he waited minute or two before trying again. Again nothing. Just as he was about to knock a third time, he heard a door opening behind him.

“Are you looking for Callum?” a voice called out.

Ben swung around quickly and saw an older lady behind him. “Yeh…actually I am,” he replied politely and smiled.

“Well he’ll be at the wedding dear.” she said fondly.

Ben’s heart descended quickly, lowering into his stomach and making him feel sick. “What it’s today?” he exclaimed in horror.

The lady looked at him curiously. “Well yes,” she replied. “To be honest I’m surprised it’s still going ahead. I wondered if someone would think they’d rushed into it a bit and called it off but no it’s definitely happening.” Ben wasn’t really registering all she was saying, all he heard was that the wedding was happening today. He wanted to scream, cry, hit something but he had to try and reign in his emotions. Perhaps there was still a chance. “Anyway I think they stayed there last night…” he caught the end of the ramblings of the woman but he really didn’t have time to listen.

“Do you know where it is and what time?” he interrupted abruptly.

“Well yes I think he said it was at twelve o’clock. It’s at Elmwood Hall. Ooh it’s such a lovely place…” she began to waffle again.

Ben didn’t have time to listen. “How long will it take me to get there? What’s the quickest way?” he cut her off again.

“This time of day I’d say taxi. There’s no station near there really,” she scrunched up her face in response. “Will probably take about an hour or so if the roads are clear.” Ben thanked her and ran as fast as he could out of there. Quickly checking his watch, he realised it was ten o’clock that gave him two hours. Hopefully it would be enough time. When he got outside headed straight to the main road hoping to hail a cab. His heart was pounding now, adrenaline had kicked in and he knew he had to get to get to Callum as quickly as he could. A few taxis passed him and he cursed each and every one; using his raised hand to make an obscene gesture at each one. Finally, one pulled over and he jumped in bellowing the name of the venue to the driver. The driver tried to tell him something about it being a pricey journey, but he didn’t care; just ordering him to get there as fast as he could. He couldn’t believe how this day was turning out; cursing himself that he’d been so stupid and left it so late. It was like the gods were toying with him, especially when they ended up getting stuck on the motorway. The longer they were stuck the more he felt like he was losing control. He began to sweat profusely; he couldn’t keep his leg still; his heart was pounding in his chest. They say a watched clock never ticks but the dial on Ben’s watch seemed to be rotating at the speed of light. With each glance he was rapidly running out of time. The driver had tried to engage him in idle chatter but Ben responded with mainly grunts and he soon gave up putting the radio on and singing along loudly and wildly out of tune. Ben thought someone was really trying to push him over the edge when he began belting out “Our Time is Running Out”. He repeatedly punched the seat lightly to try and let out some of his frustration but it didn’t really help. After what seemed like an eternity they started moving again and the driver informed him it would be another half an hour. It was already quarter to twelve and Ben knew he might not make it. Telling the driver he would pay him enough to cover any speeding fines if he could get there quicker, the driver took the deal and sped up. Ben wasn’t sure he was going to make it in one piece, with the speed some of the bends were taken but it he knew it was worth the risk. The adrenaline pumping through his veins helped him to cope. Although the driver did his best, they still didn’t make it in time, it was ten past twelve when the pulled up outside the hall. Ben shoved a wad of notes in the drivers hands not even bothering to count them. As he ran into the reception, he made a dash to the desk and quizzed the receptionist as to where the wedding was. It turned out there were two; The Lewis wedding and The Carter wedding. Hearing that sent a shiver down his spine, Callum was about to become a Carter if he hadn’t already. He had to still hope. The woman told him which room it was in and he ran there as fast as he could. When he arrived, he unceremoniously burst through the door; almost knocking it off his hinges. “Stop! Wait!” he yelled. Everyone in the room turned to see what the commotion was. Ben could feel a hundred eyes on him but he didn’t care. The only ones he saw, were the ocean blue ones which the man at the front of the room possessed. His heart thudded so loudly and swelled just from the sight of him. Callum was stood in a light, grey fitted suit and Ben was spellbound with how beautiful he was. “Tell me I’m not too late!” Ben gasped slightly out of breath, his voice trembling as he spoke.

Callum look stunned, he stared at Ben intently, almost as if he couldn’t believe he was there. After a few seconds he managed to finally respond, “What are you doin here?” a mixture of surprise, confusion and joy evident in his voice.

Ben began to advance slowly towards Callum, everyone else in the room blurred into the background. Callum seemed frozen to the spot, his eyes not deviating from Ben’s for one second. Ben gulped hard trying to swallow the emotion he felt at just being in the same space as him again. “You don’t have to do this!”

Callum’s eyebrows knitted together, seemingly confused as to what Ben meant. Then his eyes widened as if he’d made a realisation. “Hang on a minute you’ve got the wrong idea. You don’t need to…” he tried to speak him but was cut off.

“Let him have his say!” Lee called out. For the first time since he entered the room Callum looked away from him and towards Lee. Let mouthed something to Callum, who promptly turned back to look at Ben.

Ben’s whole body began to tremble. “Please hear me out.” Callum just nodded. Ben had thought about all the things he needed to say in this moment, had rehearsed the speech in his head a thousand times. But his mind had fogged from seeing Callum and in the end he decided to speak from his heart. “I know you don’t really want this. You’re only doin this cos you think you can’t have what you really want, so you’re settlin for second best.” Ben took a deep breath his eyes never leaving Callum’s once. “Now I ain’t sayin I’m the best you could have and I don’t know if we can even work. I ain’t gonna make promises I can’t keep…especially to you.” Ben paused taking a deep breath and trying desperately hard to swallow his emotions. “But I wanna give it a go. If you’ll have me.” Callum was seemed overcome with emotion. Tears streamed down his face as his lips curved up into a huge smile stretching from ear to ear. Ben took a final step so he was face to face with him. Not being able to hold back from touching him any longer, he cupped his face, gently wiping away some of the tears. “See I think I might be in love with you, I just didn’t know what it was. I’ve never felt this way before and it scares the shit out of me. But the thought that I might lose you for good…well that terrifies me even more. So please say we can give it a try. Please.” Bens heart began pounding in his chest, he was certain the whole room could hear it. Callum said nothing and Ben worried for a split second that he was too late. All his doubts were washed away, when Callum grabbed the back of his head and pulled him into a passionate, tender kiss. Instantaneously, that part of his heart he feared had died was resuscitated and he felt alive for the first time in months. Eventually the moment was broken by rapturous applause from Lee and the rest of the room. Callum pulled away from Ben and smiled as a blush crept over his face. “Take that as a yes then!” Ben quipped hopefully.

Callum shook his head softly, beaming as he did, “Course it is you muppet! I _know_ I’m in love with you. Was just waitin for you to catch up.” Ben smiled at him warmly and huffed out a small chuckle. A fake cough then came from behind them breaking the moment. They both turned immediately to see Lee looking at them with a huge grin and raised eyebrows.

“Not that I wanna ruin this beautiful moment but do you mind if we get on with the weddin now? Whit will think I’ve jilted her if we don’t hurry up.” Lee stated half in jest, half in concern.

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Callum with confusion. “Oh…erm…This ain’t my weddin. Lee’s the one tyin the knot today.” Callum explained with a coy smile.

Ben looked at him bewildered, before turning towards Lee and looking at him indignantly, “But you said…” Lee raised his shoulders and squeezed lips together and Ben realised he’d been deceived; a slight sense of anger and embarrassment rising in him. Ben then turned back to Callum with a look of incredulity on his face, “So I’ve just made a complete and utter tit of myself in front of all these people for nothin.” He moaned.

“I wouldn’t say nothin!” Callum replied before shutting him up with another small kiss before pulling away, still beaming. Seeing Callum looking so happy, he realised it was worth the embarrassment. “Think we need to talk properly later. But right now I’ve got Best Man duties to attend to.” Callum gestured towards the front and Ben just laughed breathily. “Find a seat for now and when we’re done I’m all yours. Promise.” Callum gestured for him to sit down near the back.

“Quite like the sound of that!” Ben retorted before shuffling away back down the aisle to a vacant seat. Callum took his place next to Lee and gave him a knowing look. Lee just beamed at him and winked. All of a sudden Callum turned to look at Ben briefly looking guilty. He then turned towards the man on the other side of him and mouthed something. The man smiled back mouthing something in return to Callum. Ben realised then that that must be Johnny. Perhaps he should have felt bad for him but he couldn’t bring himself to care: all he felt was happiness and relief. As he gazed at Callum, he couldn’t believe that this amazing man was still prepared to love him and give him a chance. His heart soared and all the adrenaline, anxiety and pain seemed to just dissipate. He was at peace. He felt whole. After a few seconds, soft music signalled the brides arrival and everyone’s eyes fell on her and trailed her as she walked down the aisle. Everyone’s except Callum’s and Ben’s, whose eyes were fixed firmly on each other’s; neither of them able to hide the huge grins that stretched across their faces. When the bride reached Lee, Callum turned to front again. Throughout the whole ceremony Ben’s eyes never left Callum once, while Callum frequently glanced at him, meeting them. Every time they exchanged warm smiles and with each smile Ben’s heart beat a little stronger than before. Lee and his bride exchanged their vows and Ben wondered if he should be paying attention to them. However it was all white noise to him the only thing he could focus on was Callum and the drumming of his own heart. As they were pronounced husband and wife, a rapturous applause filled the room. Callum took one last look round at Ben and Ben couldn’t help but regard him with what he knew was now love. It was the most blissful feeling he thought he’d ever had.

Ben waited patiently as Callum completed his duties. It seemed to drag, probably because he was just so desperate to be with him. Eventually Callum exchanged words with Lee and the wedding party walked back down the aisle. When Callum neared where Ben was stood, he gestured for him to join him; grabbing hold of his hand firmly the minute it was in touching distance. They walked out of the room together and Callum lead them in a different direction to the rest of the group and Ben was grateful they may finally get some time alone. Eventually they came to a secluded part of the gardens, taking a seat on a small bench, fingers still tightly locked together, neither wanting to let go.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Callum cooed cupping Ben’s cheek as Ben leaned into his hand.

“Still a bit of a surprise to me too, if I’m honest.” Ben smiled up at him.

Callum shook his head with a smile, “I honestly thought I would never see you again.” he sighed deeply “What changed?”

Ben took a deep breath before speaking. “I did.” He then covered Callum’s hand with his own. “Before I met you I thought I was happy and mostly I was. But when I think about it there was always somethin missin, even if I didn’t know it. Then you showed up in the bar that night and everythin changed. It weren’t s’posed to but it did.” Ben paused again trying hard to keep his composure and not become overwhelmed by his feelings. He wanted to be completely honest with Callum and decided full disclosure was the only option. “From that very first night, it was just different with you. Like I never felt nothin like it before. At first I just thought it was physical, just amazin sex. But I couldn’t stop thinkin about you. Right from the moment you kicked me out. That’s why I came back for more when I saw you that night and then after that I couldn’t seem to stay away.” Callum couldn’t help but beam the whole time that Ben spoke. Ben returned his smile as he continued to lay himself bare to Callum. Ben felt such utter devotion for him and knew he could trust him to with his feelings. “I kept tryin to convince myself it was only physical, nothin more…but the more time we spent together the more I felt. Like all the cuddlin, touchin, talkin and stuff just made me feel more close to you than I ever have anyone. I kept tellin myself it was just because it was safe to be like that with you, that you would be gone soon so none of it mattered. But deep down I knew it wasn’t true. I just couldn’t figure out what I was feelin. I really have never felt like this before.” Callum nodded to show his understanding. “Then when I realised you had feelins for him and how much it was hurtin you, I kinda felt this need to protect you. Take care of you. That’s when things really changed I guess. That and the date.” Ben blushed at that admission but also with some shame for how he acted the morning after.

Callum smiled warmly at first, then his lips curved down a little. Ben knew the memory of what happened next had hurt him and he hated himself for it. “Then why run out the next day like you did?”

Ben dropped his head, his guilt weighing heavily on him. “Cos I panicked. That night was probably the best night of my life. Besides when Lex was born obviously. No one ever made me feel that special. When you kissed me…I dunno it was like my heart had finally been kick started. I’d never felt anythin like it before. And after…well that was the first time I think I understood what makin love meant.” Ben took a deep breath, trying hard to not let his emotions get the better of him. “Anyway the next mornin I woke up and watched you sleepin and that’s when it hit me how much I’d fallen for you…and that’s when I freaked out. It was all a bit overwhelmin and I didn’t know what to do with it. So I did what I always do, hit self destruct and run. I knew you were leavin and I knew if I allowed myself to love you it would break me when you were gone. So I put my walls up and…” Ben once again struggled to find the words, not wanting to acknowledge what happened next.

Callum’s face fell, “And went lookin for a distraction.” He sighed, clearly still pained by Ben’s actions.

Ben closed his eyes, almost tryin to hide the shame. Then he looked at Callum, placed his hand on his chin, making sure Callum looked him in the eye. “It weren’t quite like that….I think I was tryin to prove to myself that you didn’t matter as much as I thought…only it only did the opposite. As soon as some bloke smiled at me I felt sick, all I could see was you. When Lo told me they’d seen you and what Jay had said I felt awful. I came back to talk to you and try and explain, but then I saw the state you were in…and I knew I’d done that. I’d hurt you so badly and I just couldn’t bear the thought of me doin it again to you. And I knew if we got together I probably would. So I thought it was best to let you go.” Ben just hoped Callum could try and understand, searching his face for an answer.

When Callum smiled a moment later he knew his prayers had been answered. “And now?” Callum asked tentatively.

“Well now…,” Ben mumbled, “I realise that…even if I want to, I can’t let you go. You’re in here.” He lay his hand on his chest and tapped it lightly, where his heart is situated. “You’re all I think about. I’ve missed you so much these past weeks. Tried to go back to how I was but couldn’t, the thought of bein with anyone else just felt wrong. And when Lee told me the weddin was still on, I thought I was gonna lose you for good and that nearly killed me. That and the thought you’d go back to livin half a life cos of me, never bein really happy. That’s when I realised if I was gonna wreck your life no matter what, may as well be around to make it up to you, in ways I know you’ll enjoy,” Ben wiggled eyebrows flirtatiously, hoping to inject a bit if lightheartedness into the moment. Callum gave out a breathy laugh and Ben couldn’t help but grab his other hand and squeeze it tightly. “Like I said I ain’t promisin this’ll work and I won’t screw up or hurt you…but I can promise you I’ll try my best to make sure I don’t and do whatever I can to make you happy.” Ben meant every word.

“I’ll take the risk.” Callum declared as he leant forward and kissed Ben again. The feeling of his lips against his, made his whole body tremble. The kiss was soft and tender but told Ben everything he needed to know. Callum thought he was worth it. After a few seconds he broke away. “Bein with you is the only time I’ve felt truly happy in my whole life. I love you…and no matter how hard it might be to work this out…the thought that you could love me back, well that’s a reward that’s definitely worth the hassle.” Ben beamed widely at Callum before grabbing his jacket and pulling him in for another passionate kiss. Ben was completely blown away by the sensation of being kissed by Callum. He was totally lost in the moment and felt like he was flying. His reverie was broken suddenly when Callum sharply pulled back, “Hang on a sec. What d’you mean he told you the weddin was still on?” Callum was clearly confused as to what had happened between him and Lee.

Ben laughed and shook his head, remembering how Lee had played him. “He messaged me a couple of weeks ago and said that the weddin was still going ahead. That you’d made a choice and if I didn’t want to lose you for good that I’d better sort myself out…Though I s’pose technically…he didn’t say it was you actually gettin married. Sent me your address and told me I only had a couple of weeks. When I rocked up at yours today your neighbour told me that you were at the weddin and where it was. So I raced over here, hopin I weren’t too late.”

Callum’s forehead wrinkled clearly still baffled, “Since when were you and him in contact? How did he have your number?”

Ben sucked on his lips and then tilted his head from side to side. “Right, course… he did say he wasn’t gonna tell you!”

“Wasn’t gonna tell me what?” Callum quizzed.

Ben shrugged, “Well after you left me on the beach that day…he kinda came and found me. Saw I was a mess and called me out on bein such an idiot. Said he’d been the same as me and it meant he’d probably lost the love of his life cos of it. Although it seems he was wrong about that I guess.” Callum looked taken aback by the revelation. “Anyway, basically told me not to make the same mistake. I tried to make out he was wrong and I didn’t feel the same. That I couldn’t give you what you wanted and I’d only end up hurtin you. Not sure he bought it though. So he told me to think about it, see what life was like without you. Suggested we swap numbers and if I changed my mind he’d help me find you. It’s not like me and you swapped addresses so I wouldn’t know where to look?...He said he promised that he wouldn’t tell you and that if I wasn’t in touch he’d leave it be. Obviously he changed his mind though, felt the need to push things along. No idea why…but I’m so glad he did though .” And he was. Ben was glad Lee had meddled and pushed him to realise that he couldn’t be without Callum.

Callum smiled at Ben again before explaining. “Erm it’s cos I’m leavin. S’posed to movin away next week. Think he thinks I’m makin a mistake. Probably worried that we may miss our chance if I got settled somewhere else.”

Ben’s face fell slightly at the idea Callum had already made plans and he may have ruined this for him. “And what now then? I really don’t wanna mess things up for you.”

“Well think I might need to rethink my plans. But trust me as long as you’re part of em…they can only get better, never worse.” He grinned and grabbed Ben again kissing him passionately. Ben moaned with pleasure as their lips met. It was like an involuntary response that he had no control over; just completely caught up in the feeling. After several minutes of just kissing passionately they broke away, both needing air. Callum looked at Ben like he’d hung the moon. Ben mirrored Callum’s gaze and for the first time in his life Ben felt like he had found true love. That someone had chosen to give their heart to him and he was more than happy to give him his in return. “I have to go and make a speech for Lee. Think I’d better add an extra thank you in it…But after that I’m done with official duties I think.”Callum added.

Ben nodded and smiled as Callum rose from their seated position. His eyes trailed Callum’s body from head to toe as he did. “Okay,” he muttered, before rising to join him. “Don’t s’pose you have a room here do you?” After appreciating the whole of Callum’s body, he remembered how sexy he was; a sudden urge to get his hands all over him took over.

“Actually I do. Why?” Callum responded playfully.

Ben raised his eyebrows and licked his lips. “Well you look incredibly hot in that suit, but…all I can think about right now is gettin you out of it.” He purred.

Callum just grinned widely. “And here was me thinkin you wanted me for more than just my body.” He said rolling his eyes playfully.

Ben smiled shyly, “So much more,” he whispered and he leant up and placed gentle kiss against Callum’s lips. He did want more from Callum, he wanted forever and for the first time in his life he allowed himself to believe it was possible. They then walked hand in hand back towards the hotel to join the others. As they approached they received a few awkward looks but neither cared. Eventually they found the Carters and made their way over to them slowly; each of them looked genuinely full of emotion and pride as they saw how happy Callum was.

Callum went over the Lee and pulled him into an embrace squeezing him tightly. Ben thought he was thanking him but couldn’t be quite sure.

Lee muttered some words towards Callum before turning towards Ben. “And you…” he said sternly, “Glad you finally saw sense. Take care of him yeah.” Ben just nodded and smiled. “Right can we get this show back on the road? Ready for your speech?”

“As I’ll ever be!” Callum declared looking nervous. As they made there way back into the hall Callum gave Ben his room key and told him to wait for him upstairs, order some food and make himself comfortable. Ben was relieved, still feeling a little embarrassed from his earlier public declaration and not really feeling like he should be part of it. Slipping away happily, he was prepared to wait as long as Callum needed. If he had to he’d wait forever for Callum; he would always be worth the wait.

Ben made his way up to the bedroom and when he got in the room he collapsed on top the bed. All the emotions of the day finally catching up with him. A stray tear trailed over his cheek, not from sadness but from Joy. This was another new experience for him and made him realise how much Callum’s love had truly awakened in him . Deciding to freshen himself up, he jumped in the shower, hoping it would help wash away some of the tiredness he felt. When he got out he thought about getting dressed but decided that was unnecessary; especially if things managed to go his way later on. Settling for just wearing a robe that was hanging on the door, he then ordered some food. A short while after his food arrived, there was another light tap on the door. Ben opened the door to Callum holding out a bottle of champagne, “Thought we might have a little celebration of our own!” he remarked suggestively.

Ben smiled and moved to the side to let him pass and Callum. “Knew there was a reason I fell for you.” He took the champagne out of Callum’s hand and placed it on the side, before pulling Callum into a tender, lingering kiss. They made their way over to the bed and fell back together gently, kissing leisurely, enjoying the sensation of their lips against each other’s. Eventually the broke for air and stared deeply into each other’s eyes. “God you’re gorgeous!” Ben whispered.

Callum’s reached out and gently ran his fingers through Ben’s hair. “I love you.” He declared softly, searching Ben’s eyes for his response.

Bens heart swelled again and he couldn’t contain his own feelings any longer. He smiled and stroked his face in return. “Yeh. Pretty sure I love you too.”

Callum couldn’t help but laugh, “Wow. We’ve gone from think, to pretty sure in the space of a few hours. Reckon that’s good progress, who knows where we’ll be this time next week.”

“Well…I was plannin on gettin it in sky writin over my house well you were sunbathin in the garden.” Ben quipped sarcastically but then looked at Callum hopefully. “That’s if you wanna come back home with me?”

Callum was visibly moved by the suggestion, gulping back his emotion as he asked. “You wanna take me to your home?”

Ben nodded, knowing that the last of his walls had come tumbling down, “I was hopin it could become your home too, if you want it to be? Maybe we can eventually find one of own…together.” It may have seemed a little fast but Ben was determined not to waste any more time.

Callum couldn’t stop the beam that spread across face. “Can’t think of anythin I’d like more.” He said placing another kiss to Ben’s lips. Before long they had shed Ben’s robe and Callum’s suit and were reconnecting their bodies together; like they had after their date. Taking their time to worship every inch of each other’s bodies. Each movement and touch conveying their love for each other. They’d always moved in perfect synchronicity but this time it was different. There was no doubt about how the other felt, there was no questioning what it meant. They both knew this was the piece that was missing for both of them. This was what being in love felt like.

After it was over Ben took Callum into his arms and lay his head gently on his chest. Ben knew Callum would be able to hear every thud of his heart and whispered softly, “Think you’ve got it goin again.” He placed a kiss on top of Callum’s head and then ran his fingers through his hair. Callum drew patterns over Ben’s chest with his fingers as he kissed his arm softly. They eventually drifted off to sleep, both resting soundly. Ben wasn’t haunted by dreams of Callum that night, his sleep was dreamless. Knowing Callum was lying in his arms, made all his dreams come true. Finally Ben felt like all the stars were aligned and like he was destined to be where he was right now; in Callum’s arms, with promises of forever.


	12. Bringing Him Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I really want to say thanks to everyone who has read, commented and left kudos on the story so far. I wasn’t quite sure I’d gone down the right track with telling it from Ben’s POV. So it’s been lovely to hear your comments. I really appreciate it. 
> 
> Again apologies if I’ve missed any error with proofreading. 
> 
> This next chapter is complete and utter fluff. Hope you enjoy it. As always I’d love to hear what you think :-)

He wasn’t sure how he got here. Yesterday had all seemed a bit surreal. One minute he was racing across London trying to find Callum and stop him from getting married, the next he laying his heart on the line in front of a room full of strangers. Neither of those things he ever would have believed he would do. Yet again, there were so many things he’d done recently that he never thought he would. Another thing that he had discovered this morning, was that it wasn’t only Lexi he loved to watch sleep. When he roused, he felt a weight on him but it was very different to the one he’d woken up with for the last few weeks. That weight was suffocating him; almost too much to bear. This weight was the complete opposite; allowing him to breathe, bringing him back to life. All his pain, doubts and fears had disappeared; the clouds had lifted and the walls that been built in his heart for so long had come crashing down. He was free. As he looked down at the gorgeous man in his arms, there was no question how he felt about him. He’d never been more certain of anything. He was in love. After watching Callum’s chest rise and fall in peaceful slumber and how glorious he looked with his hair soft and unkempt, Ben was sure for the first time in his life he was whole. It felt like an age before Callum woke but Ben was happy to wait. Eventually Callum stirred and opened his stunning blue eyes. “Mornin beautiful,” Ben mumbled as he smiled up at him.

“Mornin,” Callum replied. Ben couldn’t resist the temptation any longer and let down to plant a gentle kiss on his lips. “Not gonna run away this time then?” Callum asked with trepidation evident in his voice.

Ben knew he was joking but also that Callum would be seeking reassurance from him after what had happened the last time they’d woken up together. Ben shook his head, “No more runnin. Couldn’t escape you even if I wanted to. I love you too much.” It was the first time Ben had said the words out loud with conviction, no might or think; he knew and he wanted Callum to know too.

Callum beamed at Ben’s declaration and he pulled himself up so his face was closer to Ben’s. “Love you too.” Their lips met again and in that moment, the love that they shared was felt deeply by both of them. After exchanging lazy kisses and gentle touches, their bodies made them aware for the need for more. Unable to deny themselves any further, they achieved another first; making love in glorious morning light, both knowing that was what it was and what it meant. Afterwards Callum headed into the bathroom. Ben assumed he was going to get something to clean them up with so was surprised when a few minutes later he heard the sound of running water. He pulled himself out of bed and walked into the bathroom to find Callum sitting on the side of the bath as it filled with water. “Thought we might clean up a different way today,” his smile still spread widely across his face. Ben wasn’t sure it had slipped since he’d entered the room yesterday. Warmth spread through his body knowing he had done that; he’d made him so happy. Ben nodded in response and walked towards Callum placing a soft kiss on his head. When the bath was ready Callum climbed in and gestured for Ben to take his place in front of him. Leaning back into him, it still amazed him that no matter where they were, their bodies fitted together perfectly. They took their time to wash each other’s body and hair. Ben’s whole body tingled at each sensation, it was one of the most intimate and sensual experiences he’d had in his life. All morning he’d been taken over by his love for Callum but now he was completely overwhelmed by it. Once clean they just lay together for a while; neither wanting the moment to end. Ultimately, Callum broke the tranquility of the moment, when he realised what time it was. “Hate to rush us but we need to checkout soon,” he moaned as he nibbled on Ben’s ear.

Ben let out a small whine, “Okay,” he sighed and turned to place a soft kiss on Callum’s lips. “S’pose we cant stay here all day, wouldn’t want anythin to shrivel up would we?” he smirked. As he stood up and exited the bath, he looked back at Callum and a realisation hit him. They’d been in a little bubble since he’d arrived and leaving the hotel room would certainly pop it. “Hate to put a downer on things but we should probably talk about what happens next.” Callum looked a little worried and Ben felt the sudden need to reassure him. “Don’t worry I ain’t changed my mind…It’s just we need to figure out how things are going to work. Like are there things you need to sort?”

Relief washed over Callum’s face. Then he gave a slight shrug. “Were you serious about me coming to stay with you? I mean…it ain’t a bit fast for you?” Callum seemed unsure.

“Not for me it ain’t.” Ben stated. “I mean I know it does seem a bit quick in terms of normal relationships. But we ain’t exactly done things normally have we.” Ben paused searching Callum’s for an indication of how he felt. “I just think I don’t wanna be without you anymore.

I’ve wasted enough time. But if you need more time I get it…”

Callum surged forward and crashed his lips against Ben’s cutting him off. Ben was blindsided by it and couldn’t even remember what he saying. Callum broke away and looked him directly in the eye, “All I want is to be with you. Yeh there are things we need to sort out…but we’ll do it together yeh.” Ben just nodded. _Together._ He liked the sound of that. Callum took his hand in his and kissed it softly. The look on his face let Ben know that everything was going to work out.

After leaving the hotel, they made their way back to Callum’s flat and that’s when they started to properly discuss what arrangements needed to be put in place. Even though it probably would have been easier for Ben to go back to the island, whilst Callum sorted things out, Ben couldn’t bear the thought of being away from Callum for another second. They decided that Ben would stay and they would work together and sort things out before returning. Callum spoke to Johnny and he was kind enough to let them stay in the flat a few days longer than Calum had originally planned. This took a bit of the pressure off and gave them time to make plans. Ben felt a little uncomfortable at first, after all this was a home Callum shared with his ex-fiancé. It didn’t take long for him to get passed it; Callum reassuring him that it wasn’t a place full of love and happy memories for him. Ben soon saw that Callum had never really had a proper home. He was determined to make sure that they would make one together; one where Callum felt like he belonged. They spent the next few days organising their return. Callum calling his boss to tell him he couldn’t take the job; Ben sorting out appointments for visas, having to pay extra fees to speed up the process. Once everything was sorted they were able to book flights for them to return in a week. Both of them relished having a bit of time alone together. It was almost like having a trial run of living together, without having to share their space with the rest of Ben’s family. Besides going to bed together, making love each night and waking up together each morning, there were other things they did that Ben had never done with anyone before. Cuddling on the sofa whilst watching TV; cooking together; washing up afterwards; things that were so simple and probably mundane to most people but to Ben they meant so much. These were more firsts that he’d experienced thanks to Callum and although he never thought it possible, he felt even closer to him.

The final thing Callum wanted to do before he left was meet his brother; wanting to let him know he was leaving. Ben understood; even though him and his brother weren’t close, they knew where to find each other if they ever needed to. Callum asked Ben to go with him; wanting some support. Callum’s brother had never been entirely comfortable with him being gay so Callum worried he might not entirely be happy with him leaving the country to live with Ben. Ben wanted to be there for Callum and was happy to go along. They met in a small pub not far from where Callum lived. As soon as they entered a tall bald man, approached. “Bruv!” he shouted as he pulled Callum into a huge embrace. “It’s good to see you.”

Callum retuned the embrace and smiled, “It’s good to see you too!” he replied. “Erm this is Ben. I told you about him on the phone. Ben this is Stuart.” Callum was very careful not to label either of them. Ben wondered if it was because he was conscious that they hadn’t actually discussed their relationship status. He was snapped out of his thoughts by Stuart offering his hand for Ben to shake. “Nice to meet you!” he called out a little too enthusiastically.

“Likewise,” Ben replied. “I’ll get the drinks in.” he said, giving the brothers a chance to have a moment to themselves. It took a few minutes for him to be served. While he waited he kept an eye on the two brothers, making sure Callum seemed okay. By the time he returned to the table, the conversation seemed to be flowing well and Callum seemed more relaxed. Ben placed the drinks down and was thanked in return. “Everythin alright?” Ben asked cautiously.

“Yeh good,” Callum replied, a genuine smile on his face. “Stu was just tellin me about the new lady in his life.”

Stuart had the biggest beam on his face and Ben could tell, whoever this lady was, she was making him happy.” “Yeh her name’s Rainie. She’s had a bit of a rough ride too. We’re both a pair of misfits really. Guess that’s what makes us perfect for each other. We just get each other you know!” Ben and Callum just gave each other a knowing look. They knew exactly what he meant.

“I’m so pleased for you.” Callum stated, patting him on the back.

“So what’s this news you got for me?” he asked excitedly.

Ben could see Callum tense slightly, he rested his hand on his thigh, to let him know he was there for him. “Well…erm I’m leavin…not just London…the country. I’m going to live with Ben in Spain.”

Stuart’s face fell instantly, “Right,” he mumbled, nodding slowly. “And you’re sure about this?”

Callum looked at Ben with a huge grin. “Never been more sure if anythin in my life,” he assured him. “I’ve never felt so happy in a place. I love it there and we wanna make a proper go of it.”

Stuart forced a smile, though it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Well I’m happy for you then,” he sighed.

“Tell you face Stu!” Callum whined.

“Sorry…Course I am,” he paused and looked at Callum. “You’re my little brother and I want you to be happy. I mean you ain’t had it easy and I know I ain’t been the best brother I coulda been…but all I ever wanted was you to be happy. I’m love you Bruv and I’m so proud of you.” Both brothers had tears in their eyes as they stood and embraced each other again. Ben could see then that the relationship Callum had with his brother, was different to that he had with his own brother. There was genuine love and affection between them and he knew that if he had to Callum’s brother would fight to the death for him. “That reminds me…I’ve got another piece of news for you.” Stuart said clearing his throat, “Some solicitor called me, he’s been tryin to track us down for years apparently. Something to do with Grandad and some trust fund. Wants you to call him.” he informed him.

Callum was caught off guard by the revelation. “Have you called him?” he asked.

“Yeh, but it’s better he explains it. I’ll only tell you wrong.” Stuart reached into his pocket and gave Callum a card. “Look if you’re leavin you better go and do it now! See if you can sort it before you go.” Callum went to argue but Stuart was determined, “Go on. We’ll be alright a minute. Won’t we?” he looked to Ben. Ben just nodded his head and smiled. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. Callum reluctantly stood up and went to a quieter corner of the room to make the call. “Okay…Now he’s occupied I just wanted us to have a chat.” Stuart said firmly.

“Okay,” Ben said, hoping he could keep his composure, the last thing he needed was to get defensive and upset Callum’s brother..

“I’m just a bit worried…You see it seems my brother is givin up a lot for you. I mean he had a chance of a family with the Carters and he’s traded that for a life with you…I need to know that he’s not makin a mistake. I don’t want him to regret it and end up getting hurt and left with nothin.” Stuart was clearly acting in his brother’s best interest, even though Ben was sure Callum would be mortified if he knew what he was was saying.

Ben nodded and looked him straight in the eye. “I adore your brother. All I want to do is make him happy. I would never do anythin to deliberately hurt him. I ain’t gonna promise you that we won’t fall out or I won’t mess up but…I can promise you I’ll try my best not to. I love him and he loves me. I know you think he’s givin up the chance of a proper family and I get that’s a worry.” Ben paused and could see that Stuart was regarding him closely. “But he weren’t really happy with Johnny and I wanna make him happy. I wanna make him part of my family. Give him a home and keep him safe. You have my word I’ll do my best.” With that he held out a hand for Stuart to shake. Stuart sighed in relief and smiled as he took it. In that moment Ben knew he believed him and that he had his blessing to take care of Callum. Callum returned a few minutes later with some interesting news of his own. It turned out his Grandad had left him a substantial amount of money. It had been held in trust until he was eighteen. His Dad had known about it but refused to help the solicitor track him down. It had taken them years to find him but now they had they wanted to make sure he got what was rightfully his. When Callum explained he was leaving they arranged for the papers to be signed quickly. In fact they were wanted him to go over then and there. Callum said a final emotional goodbye to his brother, promising to keep in touch. Him and Ben then went to the solicitor’s office to sign the paperwork. As it transpired, it was enough money to maybe keep him going for a while; quite easily enough to live off, until he found a job, then have some spare to perhaps invest. The solicitor told them it would take a while for the money to come through but it would finally be settled. Ben couldn’t believe how things had worked out. It was like somehow all the stars were aligning; that it was meant for Callum to come with him and someone was making it easier for it to happen. Ben had never really believed in destiny but everything that happened since the night Callum walked into the bar that night, was beginning to make him think he could be wrong.

Finally it came time for them to leave and go back to the island. Ben was extremely excited to be going home; desperate to see Lexi. It was the longest he’d been away from her since she was born. Even though it was worth it to be with Callum, he couldn’t hide the fact he longed to be getting back to her. The flight home seemed to drag a little, Callum was clearly nervous about the thought of properly meeting Ben’s family. It was amazing how Ben could just take one look at him and he instinctively knew what he was thinking. Placing his hand over his, he tried to reassure him, “You don’t need to worry you know.” he assured him, “They’re gonna love you.”

Callum tried to smile but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I hope so. It’s just a bit different innit? I’m not only meeting your family for the first time, I’m also movin in with em. It’s a lot of pressure.”

Ben completely understood how how he felt. Callum had given up his whole life to come and start one with him. It was a big risk. He felt privileged that Callum thought he was worth it. “Look I already talked to them all and they’re more than happy with you stayin. Lexi was quite excited, she’s already pretty taken with you. It’ll be alright.” Callum nodded. “To be honest I think they’re all so excited that I finally have a boyfriend, they really couldn’t care less about you stayin. If anythin you might find it hard to leave, they’ll want to trap you. Make sure you can’t get away.” Ben teased. Callum beamed back at him and gave him a questioning look as he raised his eyebrows. “What?” Ben quizzed.

“Is that what I am is it?” he teased “Your boyfriend.”

Ben cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. He hadn’t even realised that he’d said it. Though they’d made several declarations of love throughout the week, this was one thing they hadn’t actually discussed; what they were. Ben just assumed it was obvious but then again this the first time he’d been in a relationship. Perhaps it was something he needed to say or more importantly perhaps it was what Callum needed to hear. “Well considering that I flew to bloody England, made a mad dash to some poncey hotel and made a complete tit out of myself in front of a room full of people, to tell you I was in love with you, then asked you to basically move in with me…I thought we’d just keep it casual.” Ben scoffed sarcastically.

Callum just laughed and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’d be honoured to be your boyfriend,” he whispered pulling away.

Ben just chuckled, “It is an honour. An honour only one person has been given,” he then smiled. “I mean do you know how many men would give their right arm to be you?” he teased.

Callum screwed his face up slightly and began to mock count on his fingers. Ben hit him playfully before he spoke. “Don’t worry I know how lucky I am…to have you…to be yours.” Callum’s sincerity hit Ben and he once again had to gulp back his emotions. The thought that someone as perfect as Callum thought he was lucky to have Ben, was incomprehensible to him.

“You have got me…all of me…I’m yours.” Ben kissed him again. “I’m the lucky one.” He rested his head on Callum’s shoulder and Callum leaned his against Ben’s, both breathing deeply. Ben sensed Callum’s anxiety had been lessened by his words. At least he hoped they had. Ben couldn’t wait to get back home and start the next chapter of his life. Never more certain that he’d made the right decision.

When they finally got back to Ben’s apartment, it hit Ben what a big step it was letting Callum in his home. In the past the thought of doing this horrified him. Ben thought it would terrify him but for some reason it didn’t. He was a little nervous yet that wasn’t causing him any doubts. Callum’s hand in his grounded him and the way his heart skipped a beat when he smiled at him, told him he had nothing to worry about. As soon as he opened the door he heard one of his favourite sounds in the world. “Daddy!” Lexi squealed as she ran to him.

Ben lifted her into his arms and squeezed her tightly. “Hey Baby,” he said kissing her cheek. “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too!” she cried. “Uncle Jay had to take me to my dance class. He was rubbish at learnin the moves.” Ben chuckled and raised his eyebrows at Jay, who looked less than impressed. As Ben lowered Lexi down onto the floor, he turned to Callum who he could tell was a little nervous. Lexi’s eyes followed him and she gave Callum a warm smile as she approached him. “Hi Callum!” she said and wrapped her arms around his waist giving him a quick hug. “I’m pleased you could come to stay.”

“Me too,” he smiled and Ben could see him relax slightly. “Thanks for havin me.”

“That’s okay,” she beamed, “ I’m just glad you were special enough in the end.” Lexi was definitely was Ben’s daughter and had no problem saying what was on her mind. Although at this precise moment he wished she was a bit more subtle.

“Special?” Callum was clearly confused and looked between Ben and Lexi.

“Well Dad said he’d never had a boyfriend cos he’d never found anyone special enough.” Lexi informed him like he should already know. “And he said he wanted you to be his boyfriend…so you must be special.” Ben blushed slightly as he caught sight of Jay and Lola laughing lightly in the background. One look at Callum beaming brightly soon made his embarrassment disappear. Callum was special and he was glad that Lexi had made him feel more so. After that Ben and Lexi lead Callum into the lounge and introduced him properly to Jay and Lola.

“This is Callum, my boyfriend.” Ben declared without any trepidation. He was proud to call Callum that. Both Jay and Lola welcomed him warmly, making the most of the opportunity to question him as to whether he knew what he was letting himself in for. Ben glared at both of them but couldn’t help but smile; especially when Callum assured them he was well aware of what he signed up for and wouldn’t have it any other way. Later in the evening, he stood back and watched his newly formed family getting to know each other. He was reminded that this was family he chose and who chose him. It filled his heart with joy, knowing he finally had everything he ever needed; for the first time in his life feeling truly happy.

As Ben predicted, Callum made a great impression on his family. Lexi already thought he was a hero but once she learned he loved Harry Potter and baking, she was even more enamoured with him. Him and Jay bonded over their love of football and superhero films; Jay joking that it would be good to finally have someone to watch these with who understood what was happening. Lola also seemed to take to Callum instantly, she loved his sense of humour and his kind nature. More importantly though she could see how much he adored Ben. Ben had been glued to Callum’s side for most of the evening; in fact he had ever since they’d been reunited. Both of them sharing soft touches throughout. Ben took every opportunity to hold Callum’s hand, stroke his leg or arm and occasionally run his fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. Callum retuned each touch and gave many of his own. Each touch reassured, comforted and invigorated Ben. Each time he caught Lola’s eyes she gave him a small smile and he knew she was happy for him. The evening had been more than he could have ever hoped for and he could tell from looking at Callum all his tension had gone too. It soon came time to put Lexi to bed. Before he did that he took Callum to his room, cleared out a draw space and shoved all his things into one side in the wardrobe. Telling Callum to make himself at home, he left him to unpack whilst he went and tucked Lexi in. One thing that he’d missed more than anything while he was away was saying goodnight to Lexi properly. He couldn’t resist when she asked for an extra story and enjoyed the extra cuddle he had whilst he read it. After he’d given her a final goodnight kiss he headed for his own bedroom. He found Calum laying back on the bed, scrolling through his phone. Ben took a minute to just look at him, the enormity of having a man in his own bed for the first time hit him. For all his life he’d told himself this was something that would never happen; he’d never wished it too. But looking at the beautiful man sat there, he knew that he’d always want to share his bed with Callum.

Eventually Callum looked up from his phone and spotted him, “Did she gets off okay?” he asked softly.

“Yeh she did.” Ben nodded. “Had to have an extra story but I didn’t mind. Missed the cuddles.” Callum looked at him in awe. “Did you get all your stuff unpacked?”

“Yeh didn’t take long. Travelled pretty light,” Ben couldn’t help but stare at him and Callum seemed to notice. “You okay?”

Ben walked over to him and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “More than.” he whispered as Callum placed his hand on his the back of his neck. “So this is another first…havin a man in my bed.”

Callum gave a small breathy chuckle. “Another great honour I’ve been bestowed.” he looked at Ben pensively, “Sure you’re okay with sharing your bed, I know it’s kind a big deal for you.”

Ben cupped his cheek and looked him straight in the eye. “It’s our bed now!” Callum beamed at him again and Ben pulled him in for another long kiss. For someone who never bothered with the kissing before, he seemed he couldn’t stop with Callum. Almost like he’d become addicted to it. The sensation of Callum’s stubble grazing against his chin; the softness of his lips as they moved against his; the taste of his tongue as it gently licked against his; all gave him a high he never wanted to come down from. As the kiss deepened, he pushed Callum back on the bed and lay over him; enjoying the feel of Callum’s body against his. It soon became apparent that things were about to heat up. Ben suddenly tensed, realising he’d never done this in close proximity to Lexi before. He broke away from Callum, thinking about whether the could do this.

Callum looked worried for a second, “Everythin alright?” he asked cautiously.

Ben shrugged. “Yeh it’s just I’ve never done this before, with Lexi so close by and…well…we ain’t exactly quiet are we?” He felt a flush of embarrassment it him.

Callum gave him a sympathetic look as he stroked up and down his arm. “Hey we don’t have to do anythin tonight if you’re not comfortable. We can figure it out another time. Maybe get some practise at being quiet when she’s not around,” Callum tried to wink at him but ended up doing his usual blink that Ben found adorable.

Ben’s heart swelled at how Callum just seemed to understand him. “You sure you’ll be able to resist me?” he quipped. “I mean, I know how hard you find it to keep your hands off me, especially when I’m in my full glory.”

Callum again chuckled, “Well as _hard_ as it maybe.” Ben loved the innuendo as Callum raised his eyebrows. “I think I can control myself for one night…Plus who said anythin about keepin my hands off you.” Ben’s eyebrows knitted together, not sure what Callum was suggesting. “I mean I’m allowed to just hold you right? Have you in my arms? One of the perks of bein a boyfriend ain’t it?”

Ben couldn’t stop the smile that appeared on his face, spreading from ear to ear. At one point in his life he thought he’d never feel love like this. Even though he did feel it now, he wasn’t prepared for how it could grow for someone by the minute. Now though he couldn’t control the was his heart seemed to expand with every tender gesture Callum made. “I’d love that…in fact it’s another first ain’t it. Never just actually slept in a bed with someone without doing stuff.”

“Actually that’s not true!” Callum argued, “Remember that night I got off my face and was incapable. You just stayed then and slept.” Ben knew exactly what Callum was referring to. For some reason he couldn’t leave that night. At the time he convinced himself that it was just because he wanted satisfying the next morning. Though now, he knew it was the first time his heart told him that he didn’t want to leave Callum.

“It’s different this time though,” he sighed happily, “This time I get to fall asleep in the arms of the man I’m head over heals in love with and I ain’t afraid to admit it.”

Callum’s eyes brimmed with tears, obviously touched by Ben’s words. “I love you!”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Ben mocked before receiving a swift elbow in the ribs. Giving Callum one last chaste kiss, he rose of the bed, pulling Callum with him. “S’pose we should get ready for bed then.” he stated, grabbing Callum’s wash bag and taking him to the bathroom. It was like another ritual, making sure Callum has space for his things in the bathroom; placing his toothbrush next to Ben’s; putting his shower gel and shampoo in the shower; putting his wash bag in the cupboard next to his own. All reminding Ben that Callum was now part of their family, that he was going to share his life with him. All of which made Ben feel more and more whole. Once ready they went back to their bedroom and climbed into bed together. Again Ben couldn’t resist the urge to kiss Callum. There was no heat in it; just the need to feel the sensation that he’d become addicted to. When they finally finished, Ben settled into his new favourite sleeping position; head on Callum’s chest; an arm stretched over Callum’s torso; legs tangled with Callum’s; Callum’s arm wrapped around his back while his fingers lacing through his hair. Ben stroked up and downs Callum’s arm in return and rubbed the bottom of his leg with his own. This wasn’t new of course, they’d been falling to sleep like this since they’d been reunited. Usually though they’d been naked, after spending hours making love to each other; the physical nature of their relationship still of high importance. Lying here now though, he began to realise that this was a different way to show their affection for each other in a physical way. A way that was intimate, tender and showed the depth of their devotion to each other. As he lay there, he thought about all the things they had to work the way through. Obviously they had to think about the issue of being comfortable to be intimate when Lexi was around. There were things like Callum finding a job and how that would affect their routine and time together; Ben’s current working pattern and how that would affect things; how to share out things like rent and bills; Callum and Lexi spending time together and building a relationship; all of which they needed to discuss and navigate their way through. Having all these thoughts circling in his mind, would normally keep Ben awake, make him feel worried. Tonight though, being in Callum’s arms, they didn’t seem as much of a burden. Of course he knew they were all important but he knew they would find their way. Ben had never felt so strong as he had now; knowing that whatever was to come he had Callum by his side. Like Callum said before that they could face anything together. Deciding not to focus on what tomorrow might bring, Ben took a deep breath inhaling Callum’s scent and decided to enjoy the here and now. He was home, with his wonderful family; in the arms of the man he adored and who adored him. It was another place he could always feel safe and loved; another place to call home. When the peace he felt began to lull him further and his eyes became heavy, he tilted his head up and gestured to Callum to lean in for one last kiss. “Good night Babe. Love you.” he whispered as he pulled away.

“Love you too. Night Baby.” Callum whispered in return before Ben settled again on his chest. It didn’t take long to succumb to his weariness and before he knew it he was in a deep, dreamless sleep; safe in the knowledge some of his dreams were already starting to come true.


	13. Riding the Waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you for those of you who took time to read, comment or leave kudos on the last chapter. I really do love hearing what you think.
> 
> Sorry if there are any errors I’ve missed whilst proofreading. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the next instalment. Be prepared for even more self-indulgent fluff :-)

The next year proved to be extremely eventful for Ben and his family. There were so many changes to navigate and cope with; it hadn’t always been easy and there were many bumps in the road along the way. But Ben knew it had probably been the best year of his life and that had a lot to do with wonderful man who he now shared his life with. With Callum by his side he felt stronger and happier than he ever had.

Their relationship had only got stronger over the year. They’d had their fair share of issues and it hadn’t been all hearts and flowers everyday. But they’d managed to work through them together; just like they promised they would. It didn’t take long for them to become comfortable with being together at home; both enjoying practising how to keep the volume of their love making down. Initially when Lexi was at school but eventually they were confident enough to manage it when she was there. That part of their relationship never seemed to change. The fire and passion they felt, burning as brightly as it always did. Ben had to go back to work not long after they returned. It was a little difficult at first, especially as Callum confessed he found it a little strange being at home without him. That’s why most nights he would join Ben at the bar and keep him company on shift. This is where one of the first hurdles they had to overcome in their relationship came to light. Ben would often have men and women flirting with him. Whenever this happened he could feel Callum’s eyes boring into him. Ben made a conscious effort to not reciprocate any flirtation, wanting to make Callum feel secure. He would often walk over to him, kiss him or touch him just to reassure him. Although Callum never brought it up, he could tell by the looks he gave him and the desperation to remind him who he belonged to when they got home, that it bothered him. They seemed to ignore it and not let it be an issue. Ultimately though it was Ben’s inability to cope with his own jealousy, that forced the issue to be dealt with. It wasn’t an emotion that Ben had felt often in his life. In fact, it had been seeing Callum with the man at the club, the second time they had slept together, that had awakened that feeling for him. Although he trusted Callum completely and knew he would never hurt him, he hated the idea of another man flirting with him or touching him. Unfortunately for Ben, Callum drew a fair bit of attention. Quite often, he had caught the attention of other men and women, who began flirting whilst he was sat by the bar. Ben didn’t blame them, Callum was gorgeous and had no idea the effect he had on people. Most of the time Callum made it clear he wasn’t interested and they backed off. Even though it made his skin crawl, he like Callum, managed to swallow his anger and not address it. That was until one night, when he spotted a man approach Callum as he came out of the toilets. He could see him step in front of Callum, preventing him from passing. The way the man was leering at Callum told Ben he only wanted one thing from him. Callum was clearly trying to be polite but when the man put a hand on his hip and leant in to him, Ben saw red. He ran through the bar and flew at him, grabbing the man and by the collar. “Get your filthy hands of him!” he roared.

“Ben. Calm down!” Callum cried from behind him.

“What’s your problem?” The man growled back at him.

Ben’s anger was growing, he could feel Callum’s arm on him trying to pull him off but his grip was tight. “My problem is you bein all over my boyfriend. You need to learn to keep your hands to yourself!”

The man scowled at Ben, “Don’t mean he’s your property mate, he can do what he likes!”

Ben couldn’t believe the nerve of the man, his rage was now at boiling point. “The only thing he likes to do is me!” he snarled. “Now I suggest you do one quickly. Unless you want to be wearing your balls as earrings!” The man huffed out something as Ben pushed him away. When he turned round he saw Callum glaring at him, clearly not impressed by his actions.

“What the hell was that?” he cried. “I am perfectly capable of tellin someone to back off you know.”

Ben couldn’t believe Callum was angry at him. “Well it didn’t look he was gettin the message from where I was standin.”

Callum shook his head clearly still annoyed, “I was handlin it!” he insisted.

Ben huffed, “Yeh course you were. He was all over you. Ain’t just gonna stand by and watch am I?”

“What so it’s alright for loadsa men to flirt and be all over you is it? But the second someone hits on me…” Callum was clearly letting all the things he’d held back out.

Ben’s temper clouded his judgement and he couldn’t stop himself from snapping back, “Oh now it all comes out. That why you started loiterin here every night is it? Keepin tabs on me?”

“Now your just bein ridiculous. You know that ain’t why?” Callum screwed his face at him, clearly annoyed by the suggestion.

“You know what’s ridiculous…you havin a go at me, when you let some bloke put his hands on you. Maybe you’re annoyed I stopped him eh?” Ben didn’t believe that deep down but his anger had gotten the better of him.

“How can you even think that?” Callum’s face dropped and Ben realised he’d gone too far. “You know what, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! I’m goin!” he charged past Ben not looking back. Ben tried to call after him but he clearly wasn’t interested in listening. Ben felt sick, it was their first argument and he had no idea how to handle it. When he went back behind the bar, he couldn’t concentrate on work; all he could think about was Callum and how angry he was at him. Knowing it wasn’t really Callum’s fault, he felt guilty that he’d let his anger get the better of him. He hated the thought that he’d probably pushed him away and hoped when he’d calmed down they could talk it out. After snapping at several customers and breaking several glasses, his boss sent him home. As he walked, he tried to call Callum but his phone went straight to voicemail. With each stride he took he became more and more anxious, worrying that Callum wouldn’t be home when he got there. He just had to hope he would be. As soon as he got home he went straight to their bedroom and breathed a huge sigh of relief when he saw Callum lying in the bed. He was deliberately facing away from Ben and didn’t move when Ben entered. Ben knew he wasn’t asleep due to his breathing rhythm.

Ben slowly undressed and went over to lay next to him, making sure he was facing him. “Was worried young weren’t gonna be here,” he mumbled softly.

“Ain’t like I’ve got anywhere else to go is it?” Callum grunted back still refusing to look at him.

Ben huffed out a slight chuckle. “Guess not.” Ben hated the distance he felt between them in that moment. He reached across to slowly stroke Callum’s arm. “I’m sorry.” he whispered.

“For what? Acting like a neanderthal or not trustin me?” Callum snapped back. “Maybe next time you can just piss on me and mark your territory! That should help solve the problem.”

Ben felt slightly annoyed that Callum wasn’t accepting his apology. For a minute he thought about telling him to stuff it but he couldn’t bear the thought of the tension between them. He reverted to a diffusion technique that had worked in the past. “Well I knew you were into some kinky stuff but that one might be a step too far for me. Ain’t really my bag!” he teased and Callum gave out a slight laugh. “Come on Babe. I am tryin to apologise here. Please look at me.” Callum eventually rolled over to face him, his expression still one of distain. “I might have overreacted slightly.” Callum didn’t say anything but widened his eyes and tilted his head as if Ben was staring the obvious. “I was jealous alright. The thought of that prick havin his hands all over you…well green-eyed monster took over. I should have just let you handle it.”

Callum rolled his eyes and nodded, “Yeh you should. You should know I’d never go near anyone else. I only want you! No one else. You have to trust me!” he sighed.

Ben cupped his cheek and looked him directly in the eyes, “I do,” he hoped he could see that he meant it. “I’ve just never been in this situation before have I? It’s all new to me…the whole relationship thing. I ain’t really had to deal with feelin jealous before.”

Callum smiled lightly and reached out to stroke Ben’s hair. “It’s okay to get jealous. Like I said I ain’t a massive fan of all the people flirtin with you,” he exhaled deeply before continuing, “We just gotta trust each other and know that no matter what, there’s only one man we’re goin home with. Yeh.” Ben just nodded and pulled Callum in for a soft, chaste kiss.

When they broke apart he smiled widely at Callum, who was looking at him in the way that showed his devotion for Ben. “So was that another one of our firsts. First fight?” Ben questioned.

All of a sudden a devilish grin appeared on his Callum’s face. “I guess it was. You know what that means?” Ben looked at him curiously while he waited for him to expand. “Make up sex!” Callum wiggled his eyebrows suggestively before grabbing Ben and kissing him passionately. Make up sex was another new experience for Ben; one he absolutely loved. So much so that he started to think of ways to start arguments so they got to do it more often; secure in the knowledge that even if they had disagreements, they would always find their way through.

Things began to change quite quickly again after that night. Callum ended up finding a job in a hotel kitchen. It brought about another challenge for the relationship as it meant they had less time together. Callum worked either breakfast-lunch or lunch-dinner shifts, which sometimes meant him and Ben didn’t see each other for long some days. A lot of nights when Ben got home Callum was already asleep and if Callum was on an earlier shift he would often leave before Ben properly roused. Ben found it difficult, he’d enjoyed being able to spend so much time together in the early days and he actually missed him when he wasn’t around. One thing that had improved since the incident in the bar, was how they communicated; both agreeing to talk to each other about how they were feeling. Ben told Callum how he was frustrated by the situation and how much he missed him. Callum admitted he was feeling the same and they agreed to try and resolve the situation. Eventually they spoke to their managers and were able to coordinate shift patterns a little better. They made sure they had at least one day off together and one evening a week for just them. Ben managed to have his Daddy-Daughter date every week and there was at least one night a week where they had a family night. Lexi and Callum continued to bond. It took a while but Callum was able to build up confidence to take on more of a parenting role; without constantly asking for Ben’s permission to do things. It took a while but Lexi began to see him as another one or her parents and she respected him as such. Another thing they’d agreed on was to have a monthly date night. Ben even surprised himself by being the one to suggest it. When he first put forward the idea, he wanted to try and make Callum feel as special as he did on their first date. That’s why he planned a very special evening for their first official date night.

This night was very different to their first, for starters they were both getting ready together to go out. Ben watched in awe as Callum picked out his outfit. He could see the amount of thought he was putting into it and it made his heart flutter, knowing Callum thought he was worth the effort. He’d chosen a sky blue shirt and his skinny blue jeans, which Ben loved him in. Ben also wanted to make an effort for Callum. In fact he’d gone and bought a completely new outfit, hoping it would surprise Callum and let him know how seriously he was taking things. When Callum caught sight of him in his fitted back shirt and smart grey trousers, he stood their staring, eyes full of devotion. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you in that outfit before?” he asked curiously.

Ben smiled and raised his shoulders, “It’s brand new. Got a hot date tonight and wanted to go all out to impress.”

Callum chuckled, “Who’s the lucky fella! Anyone I know?” he quipped.

Ben slowly stepped towards him, “Oh you know, just this bloke I’ve been hangin out with. Fit as. Arse to die for!” he said grabbing Callum’s backside as he spoke. “Bit of nerd…but can’t have everything can you?” Callum shook his head and laughed. “You look gorgeous by the way.”

Callum blushed slightly and beamed at Ben. Ben couldn’t quite believe the effect that beautiful smile had on him as his heart skipped a beat. “You too, you always do.” he whispered before kissing Ben softly.

Ben pulled away and exhaled, “Right, think we better be on our way before

I get too tempted to rip those jeans off you.” he winked. “I’ll save that for later.” Taking Callum’s hand in his lead them out of the bedroom. Before leaving they said a quick goodbye to Lexi, Lola and Jay. They then made their way along the sea front hand in hand. Ben had arranged for them to have a champagne sunset cruise, knowing Callum shared his love for watching the sunset and there was nothing more magical than doing it on the ocean. Callum was stunned when he realised but loved the gesture. They set sail on a small boat with a few other couples, each given their own section for privacy. Callum kept thanking Ben the whole time; seeming overwhelmed by the whole experience. Unlike their last date, there were no nerves. They held hands, exchanged kisses and gently stroked thighs and arms; their closeness evident in every gesture they made. As well as the champagne reception, there was a buffet laid on and an acoustic guitarist playing music in the background. Callum’s love of Ed Sheeran had been the main reason Ben opted for this particular cruise. Hoping that even if he didn’t play any of his favourite songs, Callum would still appreciate the style of music. Luckily for Ben, Callum became very exited as they stood on the deck and one particular song came on. Callum held his hand out as if asking Ben to dance. Ben chuckled a little, knowing Callum was not the best dancer but happily accepted. He placed his arms around Callum’s neck as Callum held onto his waist; holding each other closely as they swayed in time into the music. Callum didn’t belt out the words like Ben but he did mouth along, looking directly into Ben’s eyes as whispered some words out loud.

_You look so beautiful in this light  
Your silhouette over me  
The way it brings out the blue in your eyes  
Is the Tenerife sea  
And all of the voices surrounding us here  
They just fade out when you take a breath  
Just say the word and I will disappear  
Into the wilderness_

_Should this be the last thing I see  
I want you to know it's enough for me  
'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need_

_I'm so in love  
So in love  
So in love  
So in love_

Ben’s heart swelled immensely as he felt like every word was for him. The devotion he felt for the man in his arms was something he never thought he’d feel. But the love he felt from him in return was something else, something he never wanted to ever let go of. “I love you so much.” he whispered as the song came to an end.

Callum’s lips curved upwards into the biggest smile, “Love you too,” he said, “So much.” He leant in and pressed his lips against Ben’s. It was soft, tender and chaste but it was perfect. The moment was broken by the captain announcing that they should make their way to to upper deck to get the best view of the sunset. They made their was up and found a good position, Ben cuddling into Callum’s side as the sun disappeared over the ocean. Once back on shore they made their way home and straight into their bedroom, making love before falling asleep in each other’s arms. Their first date was special to Ben and always would be but this one was better in a way. Understanding this time that they were in love and when they woke up together in the morning he could fix what happened on their last date. He would stay; not just that morning but forever.

After that their dates became much more simple, a dinner or a movie usually. They always felt special though and both continued to make an effort for each other. A few months later another significant change happened. Jay spoke to Ben and told him he wanted to ask Lola to marry him. For some reason he felt the need to ask Ben’s permission. Ben was delighted for them both and gave his blessing wholeheartedly. He knew that Jay loved Lola and Lexi more than anything and Ben couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather have to take care of them. Him and Callum became heavily involved in planning the proposal. Jay wanted to make it memorable and romantic. Ben made several inappropriate suggestions of course; a strip tease ending with ‘Marry Me’ written across his arse cheeks; a sky dive with the parachute opening with ‘Lola will you marry me?’ written on it; a flash mob wearing t-shirts with the proposal written on it; all of which Jay grimaced at the thought of and responded with choice words to. Callum suggested making it personal to them, maybe a favourite place or something romantic at home. It gave Ben food for thought; Callum had actually had a proposal before. He knew he probably shouldn’t ask about it but his curiosity got the better from it. “Was Johnny’s proposal romantic? What did he do?” he asked when Callum was offering Jay advice.

Callum tensed a little and Jay could see that he was a little uncomfortable. “You don’t have to talk about it mate.” Jay assured him.

Callum rubbed the back of his neck and lowered his head, “Nah its alright.” He mumbled before shrugging, “I suppose in a traditional sense it was romantic. He took me to a nice restaurant and got down on one knee. Had champagne on ice n all that…but to be honest it just made me feel uncomfortable.” The blush that crept up Callum’s face and the way it screwed up suggested it wasn’t the happy memory it should be. “I think it was just because everyone was lookin at me and I hate bein in the spotlight…but I think deep down…I knew he weren’t the right person and honestly…I think that’s the most important thing. It don’t matter where or how, it’s how you feel about each other, that’s what makes it special. You two are made for each other, she’s gonna love it no matter what.” With that he smiled at Jay, who seemed reassured by his words, then looked across at Ben and gave him a small smile. Ben retuned the gesture and no further words were exchanged on the subject. Though Ben now felt even more love for him in that moment; his modesty and simplicity were two of the things he adored about him. Jay followed Callum’s advice and arranged a picnic on the beach where he got down on one knee. Lola of course accepted with delight and Lexi was so excited she was going to be a bridesmaid. Ben couldn’t have been happier for them all; it felt like his family was growing stronger by the day.

It began a busy period of wedding planning and organisation for them all. Ben was obviously asked to be Best Man and he was honoured to accept. Jay and Lola immediately found a venue they liked and set the date for six months time. In the meantime, Callum received the money from his trust fund and had begun to think about what to do with it. He’d told Ben about an idea he had for opening his own restaurant and Ben thought it was a great idea. Although the money would go a long way to helping with that, it wasn’t quite enough so he knew he needed to save more. Ben thought about himself, Callum and Jay going into business together; perhaps combing their plans and setting up their own bar and restaurant. He decided to discuss the idea with them. Both seemed to liked the idea and agreed that they’d look into options when they felt they had enough money to back it. Both also felt the need to question Ben as to whether he had thought it through. Jay was first when Callum went to work that afternoon. “Bruv can I talk to you about somethin?” he asked tentatively as they sat in the kitchen.

“Course.” Ben replied, looking at Jay as he did and sensing he felt awkward.

“I just wanna check you’re sure it’s the right thing to do…em goin into business with Callum?” he asked scratching the back of his head nervously.

Ben was confused, as far as he knew Jay liked Callum and he didn’t know where his hesitation was coming from. “Why wouldn’t it be? I thought you liked him.”

“Mate I do!” Jay insisted straight away. “I think he’s great and I think he’ll be great business partner…It’s just a big commitment for you and him. I mean if things don’t work out you’ll be tied together. Have you thought it through?”

Ben realised that it was a big commitment but he had no doubts about him and Callum and their future. He also appreciated Jay’s concern. “I know that but I love him Jay…And the way I see it we’re forever. I’m sure it’s the right thing for us.”

Jay smiled widely, “Then I’m one hundred percent on board!”

Ben laughed, “Anyway…make it harder for him to run away when I piss him off too much.” Jay just shook his head and the both laughed.

When Callum broached the subject in bed that night he seemed nervous, “Erm Babe…You know what you said earlier about goin into business together. Are you sure about it? I mean it’s a big commitment.” Callum was clearly anxious.

It made Ben anxious and he was worried that Callum didn’t want to commit to him. “Not you n all. I’ve already had the third agree off Jay!” he snapped.

“What did Jay say?” Callum quizzed looking even more worried

Ben sighed dramatically, “Just that it was a big commitment and if things don’t work our we’re tied together. I mean I told him that I thought we were forever and I knew it was the right thing to do…but if you have doubts…” he started to huff but Callum cut him off with a searing kiss.

“Just checkin!” he declared as he pulled back. “I want to make the commitment. I think we’re forever too!” Ben kissed him again. No doubt in his mind that Callum was his future.

Things started to settle again after that. The family all feeling excited and happy about the plans they had for the future. Although as usual, things didn’t stay settled for long when another shocking event turned everything on its head. An surprise arrival caused another major source of turmoil for Ben. Callum had left for work early one morning and Ben was lazing around the house, when there was an unexpected knock at the door. Jay, who also had a day off, answered it and a few minutes later came into the lounge looking very nervous. “Erm…Ben. There’s someone here for you.”

Ben looked at him confused by his demeanour, “Who is it?” he asked concern growing inside him. Jay stepped aside and the person who had been behind him came forward.

“Hello Darling,” Ben was stunned, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His Mum stood there in the flesh, tears brimming in her eyes. Ben froze, he hadn’t seen her since she abandoned him as a child. Part of him thought he should be relieved, happy that she was alright; yet all he felt was anger. Anger that she left him; anger that she never got in touch; anger that because of her he had to live with his father; that he had to suffer abuse; had to hide who he was for so long; anger that because she left him he felt unloveable for so long. All he knew was that if she was here for a happy reunion, she was not going to get one.

“What you doin here? How d’you find me?” he barked at her. She stepped towards him and he instantly recoiled, creating as much space between them as possible

Her face instantly dropped as she saw Ben’s response. “Your brother gave me the address. I came to see you. I need to put things right.”

Ben huffed, he couldn’t believe she thought it would be that easy. “Well you’ve had a wasted journey, cos I ain’t interested.”

“Please sweetheart, just give me…” she begged before being cut off.

“Don’t sweetheart me! Why should I give you the time of day?” You made it clear how much you cared when you walked out on me!” he snapped. “Just get out!”

At that point his Mum began to cry. “Please Ben, just let me explain!” she begged.

Jay obviously had more sympathy than he did, “Mate you could just hear her out.”

Ben glared at him, annoyed that he wasn’t backing him up, “I tell you what…you hear her out. See if she can wheedle her way out of it with you. Cos I couldn’t care less what her excuses are.” With that he grabbed Jay’s car keys and left the villa. He needed to go somewhere where no one else would be; where no one could find him. Knowing the perfect place, he drove for about an hour. The whole time he felt his rage burning inside him as his thoughts made him dizzy. _Why when he was finally settled and happy did she have to ruin it? What gave her the right to just turn up at his home? How dare she think she could just put things right?_ _He’d managed most of his life without her and he knew he didn’t need her in it now._ When he reached his destination he made the descent onto the private beach he’d bought Callum to. His rage had meant he wasn’t as focused as normal and almost tripped a few times. Once was a safely on the sand he found a spot in the shade and sank down into it, sobbing loudly as all the anger and emotions overwhelmed him; he needed to release them. He wasn’t aware how long he was there; it felt like an eternity whilst all the hurt he’d felt since his childhood came tumbling out. It was only when he felt an arm gently touching his shoulder that he was snapped out of his misery. Of course Callum would know where to find him. He sat down next to Ben, not saying any words, just pulling him into an embrace, lacing his fingers through Ben’s hair to soothe him. Ben succumbed to it, sinking into him and accepting the comfort he was offering. Ben soon began to feel safe again and started to calm. “How d’you know where I’d be?” he asked.

“Jay called explained what happened, said you’d taken off without your phone or anything. Just figured you wouldn’t want to be around anyone, so thought you might be here.” Callum explained and Ben was again amazed by how well he knew him.

“How d’you get here?” Ben after all had used the only car they had between them all.

“Got a taxi. Cost a bloody fortune and if you think that climb down is dangerous…you should try ridin in the back of one of them up those hills! Talk about riskin my life for you!” he quipped.

Ben half smiled but it didn’t really meet his eyes, “Ain’t sure I’m worth the hassle!” Ben was deflated, seeing his Mum had brought up all the insecurities he’d had since he was a child.

“You are to me! Always.” Callum’s words instantly made everything seem better, knowing that Callum would always choose him. “You okay?” he continued his concern evident in his space.

“Been better,” Ben stated softly, “Just can’t believe she had the nerve to just turn up like that. After all these years. Like I was just gonna go, _Don’t worry about abandoning me mum, let’s have a cuppa, catch up_. Like it’s that simple.” he scoffed. “Just couldn’t handle it, especially when Jay said I should hear her out. Had to get out of there. Could have punched em both!”

Callum rubbed his arm to comfort him, “Don’t be so hard on Jay, he don’t understand it properly does he? You know…his Mum died didn’t she, he just probably thinks you should be grateful she’s still here.”

Again Ben huffed, he knew Callum was right and it was different for Jay but he was too angry to reason logically. “What about you? You get it. How would you feel?” he knew Callum was the only person who would have any idea.

“Well I have to say if my Mum rocked up after all these years…I think I’d react pretty much how you have.” Callum’s face told Ben he genuinely meant that. “You know I get why she wanted to get away from my Dad but I don’t get why she didn’t take us with her. But you know what I think I’d need to hear why. Even if I could forgive her then at least I’d know.” he paused and looked at Ben gauging his response. Ben just nodded unsure he could find any words. Callum smiled and continued, “You know what though as much as I’m angry at my Mum, I think that her doin what she did lead me here…so maybe I could get passed it eventually.” Ben was confused and knitted his eyebrows. Callum picked up on it and explained what he meant. “What I mean is, if she’d have taken me, I probably wouldn’t have met Lee, the Carters; ended up comin here to deal with the fallout of me and Johnny; met you…And yeh my childhood was shit but I’d go through it all again, if it meant I’d end up where I am now. Here with you.” Ben looked at him in complete awe, he couldn’t believe that someone like Callum loved him that much. In that moment he realised everything Callum said was right and needed to hear his mum out. He also knew that he wouldn’t change anything either; if it meant he had Callum in his life now.

“I love you.” he declared and kissed him. Knowing whatever had happened in the past was not as important as what could happen in the future. When he was ready they returned home, Ben decided to speak to his Mum. They met and she explained about why she left. Although she regretted it, it turned out her partner at the time had gotten involved in illegal dealings and needed to run. The criminals had threatened her and Ben and she thought he’d be safer if she was away from him. She apologised for all he’d been through and told him how much she hated herself. She’d only just heard it was safe to return and as soon as she had, she set about making amends with Ben and his brother. Ben told her it would take time but he hoped he could forgive her. They agreed to build a relationship slowly and that he wouldn’t introduce her to Lexi just yet; until he was sure they could get passed their issues. Callum vowed to support him all the way and Ben was grateful to have him through this. His Mum told him about a savings account she’d set up for him as a child and how she’d paid into it monthly the whole time she was away. She’d done the same with brother. At first he accused her of trying to buy his forgiveness and refused to accept it. However when she showed him the paperwork and realised that she’d been telling the truth, he eventually agreed to take the money. It was enough for him, Callum and Jay to pool their funds and make their dream of buying their own bar/restaurant a reality. It was an opportunity to put the past behind him and properly focus on his future. All three men were excited and agreed that after the wedding they would begin to look for properties.

The wedding came around more quickly than anyone could have hoped for. It was a very small affair but suited Lola and Jay perfectly. They had the ceremony at the local town hall and reception at the bar, which Kev closed all day for the function. All the groomsman wore smart black tuxedos. Jay had been kind enough to include Callum in the party; assuring Ben he saw him as one of the family. Callum looked absolutely stunning in the suit and Ben spent most of the day imagining all the things he’d like to do to him in it. Lexi had a beautiful pink dress; she’d had her hair and make up done and looked so grown up. Ben started to realise she wouldn’t be his baby for long and vowed to make the most of her needing him while she did. Lola looked beautiful too, she wore a fitted white, satin gown with a lace collar. Ben was so proud of his family, all day he felt emotional. The love that flowed through him for each and every one of them was immense. Every time him and Callum looked at each other they beamed. Ben knew that he would have felt happy on this day, even if had happened this time last year; but having Callum here too had elevated it to a whole new level. He knew what it was like to be truly happy. Soon it was time for Ben to give his speech and he relished the opportunity to thank Jay and Lola for giving him the family he never had.

“Can I have your attention please?” Ben cried out chinking his champagne glass as he did. “I promised Jay I wouldn’t embarrass him too much in my speech…but if you know me, you know I couldn’t do it without telling at least one embarrassing story. Trouble was there was so many, I didn’t know which one to choose.” There a little chuckle from the crowd. “There was that time he got caught in a compromisin position with that donkey or the time he dressed up as the flash and...” he was interrupted by a cough coming from Lola who was directing he eyes towards Lexi. “But I’ll let him tell you about that later.” Jay’s looked at him as if he could kill him but he smiled tightly. “Anyway,” he continued. “Jay saved my life. I never had much of a family as a kid and Jay was the first person who made me see that family isn’t always something you are born into. You can make your own and I’ve never been prouder than I am today to call you my brother.” Ben and Jay both gulped in synchronicity as they tried not to let the emotion overcome them. “Then we met Lola and she made our little duo stronger, creating the best foundations for our family. She gave me the greatest gift of my life in Lexi and I’ll never be able to tell her how grateful for that I am. Truth is I love you both so much and I’m so glad you finally found each other and took a shot.” Ben let small tear escape and as he looked towards Lola, Jay and Callum they were also wiping their eyes. “Right,” he said clearing his throat, “Enough of the soppy stuff. Let’s all get drunk. Can you raise a glass to Jay and Lola?” Everyone joined in with the toast and cheered. As Ben rejoined the party they all had a huge group hug, Callum also joined in. He was part of the their family now too.

As the evening drew to a close, Ben found himself a little tipsy. Him and Lexi had danced all night until she’d finally succumbed to tiredness. As the last song of the evening approached, Ben found himself in Callum’s arms swaying along to the music. “You ever thought about what you’d like your weddin to be like?” he asked the realised it was a stupid question he must have done he was engaged once. “Course you have duh!” he grunted while slapping his hand against his forehead. “Sorry.”

Callum laughed at him, “Don’t be,” he smiled. “Actually on Lee’s weddin day I thought about it properly for the first time. I realised that Johnny had planned our day and it weren’t me at all. Reinforced that we’d done the right thing not gettin married…Anyway, I thought about what I’d actually like then.”

“And?” Ben probed, wanting more detail.

Callum shrugged, “If I ever did, I thought I’d like to have the ceremony on the cliff overlooking the sea. Then maybe the reception at a small bistro or bar, like the one we had our first date. Providing it didn’t rain I wouldn’t mind dancing in the moonlight, on the terrace, with the man I loved.” he looked at Ben wistfully. “What about you? You ever thought about it?”

Ben was taken aback by Callum’s description. It sounded so beautiful. It was then Ben realised he’d never considered getting married before, he had no idea what he would want, he had to be honest. “To be truthful, I’ve never thought about gettin married. Never thought it was for me,” he admitted and Callum nodded but frowned. Ben’s heart sank a little, it was clear Callum wanted to get married someday and Ben had given him the impression he never did. “Have to say though,” he continued, “There are a lot of things I never thought I’d do before you came along. So you never know.”

Callum smiled, “I don’t need a weddin. I’ve got you and that is all I need.” As he did he leant in and kissed Ben tenderly. In that moment Ben knew Callum was prepared to put aside his wishes; that he’d always put Ben first; that may be the only person who ever had. And in that moment, for the first time in his life, Ben realised that one day he did want to get married. But there was only one man he would want to be dancing with, on that terrace in the moonlight; the beautiful, amazing man in his arms.


	14. Becoming Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to reupload this so hope it works this time. 
> 
> Thanks again for anyone who read, commented or left kudos on the last chapter. I can’t tell you I’ve appreciated the support and kind words for this story. It really does mean a lot to me and given me a boost in these difficult times. So thank you from the bottom of my heart <3   
> Again apologies if I’ve missed any errors while proofreading.   
> I’m uploading a little early today as I’m not sure whether I’ll get time later and didn’t want to leave it until tomorrow. It’s pure fluff again. Hope you enjoy the end of the journey :-)

With the wedding over and done with, it was now time to set the wheels in motion for finally achieving their dreams of owning a bar/restaurant. Nothing happened for the first few weeks. Jay and Lola had been on honeymoon and Ben and Callum agreed they would wait until he returned before looking for properties. Ben and Callum had to juggle their shifts to make sure there was someone at home to take care of Lexi. Callum and Lexi had bonded so much over the year, that neither of them minded spending time alone together. Ben came home several times to the kitchen being completely wrecked from their baking exploits. He couldn’t bring himself to be mad as he loved the fact they found a common interest they both loved. One evening he came home a little early and happened to stumble upon Callum putting Lexi to bed. Neither saw him as he hid behind the wall listening to their conversation. Callum had just finished reading her a chapter of Harry Potter and they were discussing their favourite part. Ben couldn’t help but laugh to himself at the lively discussion; both taking it way too seriously for his liking. When the conversation ended Callum wished Lexi goodnight and gave her a soft kiss on the head. “Callum!” Lexi called out as he turned away.

“Yes darlin!” he replied and turned to look towards her.

“Do you think that you and Daddy will get married one day?” she asked innocently. Ben wished he could have seen Callum’s reaction to her question. He loved his daughter but sometimes he wished she wasn’t so direct.

“Erm…” he heard Callum start. “I’m not sure sweetheart. We’ve not really talked about it. Why d’you ask?”

“I’d just quite like to be bridesmaid again,” Lexi replied nonchalantly.

Callum chuckled, “Well you were a beautiful bridesmaid,” he conceded, “But I’m afraid that’s not a reason for us to get married.”

“Why not. We’re a family ain’t we and you love each other don’t you?” Lexi quizzed, unwilling to let go.

“Course we are and I love your Dad more than anythin.” Callum insisted. “And that won’t change. Even if we don’t get married we’ll still be a family. I love you both too much to ever leave you.” Ben’s heart swelled at Callum’s declaration to Lexi. Callum saw them as forever and Ben did too. He was even more certain he wanted to marry him. He just didn’t think now was the right time, they’d agreed that the next big thing to focus on was opening the business. Perhaps once that was settled he’d think about it more seriously. Hoping he would just know, when the right time would be.

His train of thought was broken as he heard Lexi speak again, “Love you too Callum.” Ben couldn’t see but he pictured her giving him a huge hug. He stepped away and towards the front door, hoping neither would realise he’d heard them. It worked and as Callum exited the bedroom he saw Ben, waking towards him and greeting him with a kiss. Ben knew that he’d be happy to come home to him every day for the rest of his life; certain one day he’d make the formal commitment for it to happen.

Over the next few months, the plans for setting up their own bar/restaurant stepped up a gear. As soon as Jay came back, they began looking for properties. It was a slow process. Many of the existing bars and restaurants were established and their owners had no plans to sell. Ben became increasingly frustrated that they were so close to realising their dreams, only for hurdles to be put in their way. Callum tried to reassure him that things would work out but Ben became less convinced. He didn’t mean to but he sometimes snapped at Callum for being too optimistic and it lead to a few arguments. Of course they were able to talk it through and Ben enjoyed the make up sex that followed every time. It wasn’t an easy time but they worked their way through it. Ben didn’t believe in destiny but all that was about to change on one of their date nights. It was their first anniversary. They’d decided that their anniversary would officially be on the date they’d started their life together on the island. Although they’d obviously known each other before then – and there were some anniversaries they would celebrate in private - there had been some difficult moments and both thought they didn’t want those to cloud their memories. Ben had surprised Callum with a meal at the restaurant they’d been to on their first date. It was still as beautiful as he remembered and they enjoyed reliving that night. Ben went to pay at the end of the evening and got chatting to the owner. He was fairly elderly and told Ben about he was planning on selling up and enjoying his retirement. Ben couldn’t believe it, this place was so perfect; it had so many special memories. The thought that they could make new ones there, thrilled him greatly. Once he told the owner how his family were looking to buy a business like this, the owner also became excited; especially when Ben told him how special this place was to him and Callum. He discussed it with Callum and they made arrangements to come back the following day and bring Jay with them. Callum was shocked by the developments but again felt like it was fate. This place had been the exact kind of place that he’d dreamed of and he fell in love with the idea of owning it. The following day they returned with Jay and he loved the place as much as they did. The restaurant had an upstairs space that was largely unused. Jay came up with the idea of turning that into a bar and keeping the bottom as a restaurant. It seemed like a fabulous idea, Jay could run the bar side, Callum the restaurant and Ben could be front of house, keeping an eye on both. They made the owner an offer on the spot and he gladly took it as it meant he didn’t have to have the hassle and expense of dealing with estate agents. He also loved the idea that the place was special to Ben and Callum; knowing they would treasure being owners of it heartened him. Ben finally felt like, everything in his life was coming together, that the puzzle was well on its way to being complete.

Again it didn’t come as easily as they’d hoped. The sale went through within two months. It was fairly straightforward to draw up contracts and set up the business arrangements. Although Callum and Ben were putting in more capital, they’d agreed that Jay was to be an equal partner. Jay had insisted he didn’t mind having a smaller share but neither Ben or Callum would hear of it. They both saw him as an equal and wanted him to be rewarded as such. The major problem came with the plans for the renovations. They had drawn out a plan for what they wanted to do with the upstairs and it involved a lot of changes to the structure. It turned out there was a lot of red tape and they had to apply for planning permission. Eventually it came through but it took several months. Once they finally had it, they pushed ahead quite quickly. It meant that they all had to put long hours in and it meant spending less time as a family. Ben hated it, he missed it but Callum tried to reassure him that it would be worth it in the end. Although they’d all had slightly ideas for what they wanted it to look like, they agreed to a compromise which suited them all. They’d gone for a simple but stylish theme for the restaurant and bar. They’d agreed to light laminate flooring and wooden tables to set it off. The bar area was mahogany and the walls plainly decorated with an mixture of different pale shades. The lighting was ambient and created a feeling of warmth inside. It looked classy without being overly extravagant. Once they were happy with the décor it came to deciding on a name. This was something that caused a few more discussions and issues as it was hard to find one they all liked. The added pressure of making sure it was fitting for a bar and restaurant didn’t help. Jay suggested maybe they came up with separate names for the bar and restaurant. Ben hated this idea it was something him and Callum wanted to share and he hated the idea of them being disconnected. “We could try and use our names like mix em together or use our initials or surnamed” Jay suggested.

“Well if we put our initials together we’ve got B J…,” he paused and that devilish smirk crept on his face. “Now actually…”

“You’re not takin this seriously!” Jay snapped. “I was thinkin more like Mitchell, Highway and Brown’s.”

Ben screwed his face up, “That sounds like a poncy solicitors rather than a bar.”

“Look it either needs to represent what it is or it needs to mean something special to us.” Callum suggested.

“What about Ocean’s edge? It says where it is, makes it sound appealing for punters.” Jay put forward another suggestion.

Ben shrugged. “It’s alright but it ain’t exactly original is it?” Ben scratched his head and thought about what Callum said about something special to them all. All of a sudden he caught sight of a family photo they had taken on Jay and Lola’s wedding day. It was a candid shot someone had taken. All of them had the biggest smiles and their eyes were focused on one thing. Lexi. Ben knew in that moment that he’d realised the one thing that was really special to all of them and always would be. “I’ve got it. What about Lexi’s?”

Jay and Callum both looked at him, both clearly thinking about the idea. After a few moments huge smiles appeared on both their faces. “Perfect!” they both said simultaneously. Ben couldn’t believe they hadn’t thought of it before. It seemed so obvious. Now it was decided they could push forward with the final stages and get that one step closer to his dreams finally coming true.

Two months later the time came for them to open up Lexi’s. The week leading up to it was extremely busy. Callum particularly felt the stress. He’d designed his own menu and making sure he had all the right ingredients and storing them was making him anxious. They’d decided to open with a taster menu session, hopefully it would encourage people to see the quality of the food and give Callum a chance to practise. It was one of the rare times Ben had seen Callum so completely wrung out. He tried to help anyway he could but it was tricky as he also needed to help Jay with the bar side. Callum had hired a team of staff to support him in the kitchen and they had done a good job. Being a manager was all new to him though and he find the language barrier tricky at times. He’d been learning Spanish the whole time he was there but he still wasn’t confident in his fluency. Ben hated how insecure was about his ability to manage people as well. He kept trying to reassure him he was brilliant with people and everyone was going to love working for him but Callum wasn’t so sure. Every night that week, he’d come home feeling incredibly anxious and all Ben could do was comfort him; holding him in his arms as he stroked him arms and hair to soothe him. It didn’t help that the Carters were unable to come over for the opening. Whitney, Lee’s wife, was heavily pregnant and the whole family wanted to stay at home just in case. Stuart also was unable to make it. Callum was really disappointed that his family wouldn’t be there to share in his achievement. So Ben decided to organise a surprise for him, on the opening night, that he thought would cheer him up and help distract from his stress. Ben hoped the surprise he’d arranged would ease some of the disappointment he felt. He’d set up a zoom call so Lee and his parents could all speak to Callum just before they officially opened. It was difficult to prize Callum away from the kitchen that day and took several minutes of pleading. Eventually he came up to the bar where Ben had set up the big screen. “I really don’t have time for this Ben.” he moaned as Ben lead him into the room with his hands over his eyes.

“I know you’re busy Baby but I think you’re really gonna want to see this.” Ben put him in front of the TV and let his hands drop.

The Carter’s all screamed “Surprise!” Callum’s face lit up immediately and Ben’s heart jumped at how happy he was. He turned to Ben who just smiled before attempting to step aside to let Callum talk to them.

Callum grabbed his arm and pulled him close, “Thank you,” he whispered. “I think it’s about time we introduced you properly.” Ben didn’t really mind that he’d never properly met them. The only time he’d really seen them was at Lee’s wedding and it was hardly the time then. Since then Callum hadn’t been back home; only keeping in contact through video calls and messages, none of which had seemed the right time. Now though Ben couldn’t help but feel privileged that Callum wanted to show him off to his family. They chatted for about half an hour; Callum and Ben filling them in about the plans for the business; the Carters telling Callum how proud they were of him and filling him in on their news. They agreed they would come over for a visit soon and Callum was so excited by the idea. As they ended the call, Callum pulled Ben in for a lingering hit chats kiss. “Thank you for organising that. It was just what I needed today.” he stated looking at Ben like he’d hung all the stars for him.

“Yeh well. I know how much they mean to you and how gutted you were they couldn’t be here,” he explained, “Thought it might make you feel a bit better. I would’a tried to contact Stuart as well but I don’t have his contact details.”

Callum nodded, “That’s okay. I love you.” He pulled a Ben for another kiss, this time slightly more passionate.

Ben had to pull away before he lost control. “Love you too…but we have a bar and restaurant to open,” he sighed. “And as much as I’d like to christen it with you…I think we might have to save that for later.” he winked and Callum smiled before gesturing he would very much be up for that. They headed back to the kitchen and Callum got straight back to work. Ben went to set up the finishing touches for the bar, hoping everything would go smoothly tonight.

For the most part, Ben got his wish; things running as fairly smoothly. There were a few tiny hiccups; all behind the scenes; one of the sous chefs reading the order wrong; one of the bar staff serving the wrong brand of gin; all of which were dealt with and the customers didn’t notice. Both Ben and Callum had been run off their feet and barely saw each other throughout the evening. Callum hadn’t seen much of what was going on out in the restaurant but from the comments that had been passed on from the waiters, it seemed to be going well. Ben made sure he went in to check on him a few times and reassure him how well things were going, but it wasn’t often as he was making sure he was fulfilling his role of entertaining the guests. By the end of the evening Ben, Callum and Jay were all exhausted. They, with the help of the staff, cleared up and when they had finally finished they opened some champagne to celebrate. Jay only stayed for one glass as he wanted to get back to Lola; leaving Ben and Callum to finish it and lock up. They stood on the terrace over looking the ocean; the moonlight was bouncing off it and it was a stunning sight to behold. Callum put his arm around Ben’s back and pulled him close. Ben slid his arm around him too, “Can you believe we did it?” he asked while he looked up at Callum.

Callum turned to him and shook his head, “I still pinch myself to check I’m not dreaming it all.” he smiled warmly.

“Who’d have thought when we came here on our first date we’d have ended up here now?” Ben asked softly.

Callum laughed lightly, “Well considering you ditched me the next day, it seemed unlikely!” he teased. Before Ben gave him a swift elbow in the ribs, looking at him scornfully. “Turned out alright in the end…I mean it gave you time to realise you couldn’t live without me.”

“Oh I dunno…reckon I’d get by,” he quipped back. Before pulling Callum into another lingering kiss. “Kinda stuck with you now though, need your culinary skills.”

Callum laughed back, “Good job I ain’t plannin on goin anywhere then.” he grinned at Ben and Ben was so pleased. “You know before I met you, I never really had any dreams. Was just happy to go with the flow, play it safe, settle for half measures,” he sighed, “Then you came along, showed me it was okay to have desires, to take risks, helped me figure out what I wanted in life.” Ben’s heart felt fit to burst at Callum’s words. “I thought I was happy before, I never realised there was somethin missin. But you…well you’re the piece of the puzzle I didn’t know I was lookin for. You helped me dream and now you’ve made them all come true.” Callum had tears in his eyes and Ben knew he meant every word. “What more could I ever need out of life eh?”

Ben could feel the emotion build him right through him, his own eyes brimming with tears. He could no longer hold back the thoughts that had been swirling in his mind for a long time now. He’d always told himself he’d know when the right time was and he knew that now was that time, “Marry me?”

A look of bewilderment appeared in Callum’s face and a nervous smile appeared. “What?” he exclaimed.

“I know this ain’t the most romantic way of doin this. I mean I ain’t planned it and I don’t even have a ring or anythin,” Ben gulped trying to control his emotions, “But I thought I had everythin I ever needed too. I didn’t ever bother lookin for more…but you came into my life and I knew that the puzzle weren’t complete. I needed you to make it complete. You make the picture a million times better. I love you so much and I want this…us…forever.” Tears were rolling over both their cheeks now as Callum beamed at him, pure devotion in his eyes. “So what d’you say?” Ben lowered himself to one knee. “Fancy makin it official? Marry me?”

“Of course I will!” he cried out and Ben jumped back up into his arms and kissed him with everything he had. When they broke apart, they both had tears in their eyes. Callum gazed deeply into eyes as he cupped his face. “I love you so much!” he said while choking back tears. “And by the way, that was the most romantic moment of my life. It was us. It was perfect.” Ben knew then that for the dreams Ben helped Callum realise, he had also given Ben a new dream; one he never thought he’d ever have; he wanted to be Callum’s husband. A dream that he hoped would soon be realised.

The next few months were a bit of a whirlwind. Ben and Callum immediately announced their engagement to their families. Lola, Jay and Lexi were delighted; Lexi relishing the idea of being a bridesmaid again; giving Ben and Callum a clear description of what she wanted to wear this time. The Carters were also overjoyed and told Callum they would fly over whenever it happened. Ben also shared the news with his Mum and Brother. Him and his Mum had begun to build a relationship: it wasn’t easy and Ben still hadn’t fully forgiven her but they had made progress and become closer. Callum also shared their news with his brother, who was genuinely pleased for him. Callum told him he would like him to be there if he could and he promised he’d try. They’d agreed not to get engagement rings and just find matching wedding bands for the actual ceremony; wanting them to be something the both chose that represented them and their love. The problem was that after their decision to get married, they were so busy with the new business, they didn’t have much time to plan it. The bar and restaurant had taken off really well and had been very busy. Everyone was so pleased it was such a success. In the early days all three men wanted to be all hands on deck; making sure that everything was running well and that they became well established. They also wanted to make sure that it made enough profits in peak season so when it was a little quieter they had enough to fall back on. Ben was so proud of how successful they’d been and he finally felt like he’d made something of himself. There was just one more thing that would make everything perfect and that was actually getting married. Eventually him and Callum managed to get a whole day off together and Ben hoped they could start to talk about what they wanted to do. Ben remembered what Callum had said to him about getting married on the cliffs over looking the ocean. That sounded perfect to Ben so he made some enquires about the venue not far from the restaurant. It turned out they had a cancellation and could hold the wedding in two months time. Ben asked them to hold it until he had chance to show Callum; not wanting to make such an important decision without him. He knew that Callum had just stepped back and let Johnny take the reins with their almost wedding. He also knew that Callum would have hated what was planned. Ben wanted this day to be for both of them and everything they decided to be an equal decision. That’s why on their day off Ben arranged for them to visit the venue as a surprise. Callum was a little reluctant to go out, hoping they could have a lazy day at home. “But Babe…” he moaned. “I just wanted to spend the day in bed. We’ve got some catchin up to do.” he said pulling back the duvet so Ben could see him in all his glory. Ben had to fight every urge in his body and ignore the growing bulge in his groin. He could have been very easily tempted to pounce on Callum and spend hours making up for all the time they’d missed. But he knew that they’d have a lifetime to do that; today was about making a choice which would start the new chapter of their life.

“You have no idea how tempting that is Babe, _but,”_ he whined. “I’ve planned somethin special. Please!” he implored. “I’ll make it worth your while this afternoon I promise.” he said licking his lips to let Callum know exactly how he would do that. Callum reluctantly agreed and got out of bed to get dressed. They made the short walk along the seafront, then up to the cliff top. When they arrived Callum was still confused as to why they were there. Ben felt a little nervous; not because he had any doubt about the wedding but because he wanted Callum to love the place as much as he did. “What do you think?” he asked tentatively.

Callum looked around and Ben could see from the look on his face he was impressed. “It’s beautiful, stunning,” he looked to Ben slightly confused, “I still don’t get why we’ve come for a scenic walk, when I could be gettin a view of my gorgeous fiancé in all his glory though?” he teased.

Ben raised his eyebrows and smiled at him, “Well thing is…” he said taking Callum’s hand. “They do weddings here. In fact they have a cancellation for two months time.” Callum beamed at him, knowing what he was suggesting. “So I was thinkin maybe…if you like it…we could book it. I mean I know it’s short notice and it might be tricky to organise everyone bein here,” Ben began to ramble, “But I thought we could have like a reception at the restaurant later on. But if you’re not happy with it then we can wait or look for somewhere else…”

Callum cut him off with a forceful kiss. “I love it!” he declared as he pulled away. “And the only thing that really matters is I get to be your husband. I don’t care if it’s just me, you and Lex here. Let’s go for it!” Ben kissed him again before leading him to the venue office and booking the date; finally they were on the path to reaching their final goal.

When the day finally came, everything seemed to fall into place beautifully. They’d decided to keep it simple; they would have the ceremony then a reception at the restaurant. As if by miracle everyone they wanted there could be there. Whitney and Lee’s baby had been born a couple of weeks after the restaurant had opened. Little Jamie was now five months old and Lee and Whitney were happy to bring him. Callum was honoured when they asked him to be his Godfather and couldn’t wait to meet him. The other Carters were also able to come, all except Johnny. Ben was happy for him to be there and they had invited him. Johnny however didn’t want to risk making Callum’s day awkward so he decided to stay away. If Ben was honest he was relieved. He knew that Callum and Johnny didn’t have any feelings for each other any more, but he knew Callum would worry about upsetting him. All Ben wanted was for Callum to have a perfect day. Callum’s brother also made the effort to come, which had made Callum extremely happy. He brought his girlfriend with him and Callum was overjoyed that his brother also seemed to have found love. As for Ben, he had invited him Mum and brother. His Mum was delighted that he wanted her to be part of his day and gladly accepted the invitation. Ben wasn’t surprised to learn that his brother was too busy to attend; if he was honest he didn’t really care; it made absolutely no difference to him; they had never been close. They’d chosen matching blue suits, with white shirts and no ties. It was their hope the day would be relaxed and informal; both just wanting everyone to enjoy themselves. Lexi had a chosen matching pale blue dresses for her and Lola, which complimented their suits beautifully. Jay and Lee were delighted to be Best Men and wore the same style suit to Ben and Callum but in light grey. Instead of a traditional Stag Do, they’d decided to just hold a family meal at the restaurant with drinks in the bar afterwards. It was the first time Callum got to show it to his family and he just wanted to spend time with them, while he could. Ben was equally happy with the idea, it gave him a chance to spend time with his Mum and Lexi. They had only just been introduced and were building a relationship so it was nice for them to have this time. Everything had gone as they’d hoped. As Ben sat back and looked at their two families bonding, being proud of their achievements and expressing their love for them; his heart felt fit to burst. He couldn’t quite believe that the boy who’d had only had scraps of family, was now a man who was surrounded by so much love. It was more than he could have ever hoped and he would treasure it eternally.

As the sun began to set on their special day, Ben and Callum stood at the end of an aisle, about to make a walk Ben never thought he would. Ben looked at Callum and slid his hand into his. “You ready?” he asked with a huge smile.

“Never been more ready for anythin in my life!” Callum affirmed, smiling at Ben broadly as he squeezed his hand. Just then an acoustic guitar began to play an instrumental of a familiar Ed Sheeran song. That was there cue to begin their next journey together. Lexi led the way as they made their way to an arch at the end of the alter. The celebrant made the introductions and instructed them to make their legal declarations. Then it was time for them to make their own vows. Ben just hoped he could hold it together long enough to let Callum and everyone know how he was feeling.

Callum went first, clearing his throat before he spoke. “Ben…Before I met you I never knew what it was like to dream. You taught me that it was okay to take a chance, that sometimes things that are difficult give you the biggest rewards. And let’s face it you’re definitely difficult.” Everyone laughed as Jay made a small cheer in agreement before Callum continued. “I came here hoping to figure out what I wanted out of life, to have fun and let loose. But when I walked into the bar that night and saw you, my whole world changed. What I ended up finding was something I never knew I was looking for. I found out what my dreams were; I found a place I felt at home; I found real and proper love.” Ben couldn’t stop the tears trickling down his cheeks at this point. “And even though I tried to deny it, from the second we touched I just knew. I knew that you were special, that you were the person that was meant for me. You’re my soulmate. You have no idea how beautiful you are and what a wonderful person you are and I vow to make you see it everyday. I love you and the proudest achievement of my life is being your husband. Thank you for sharing your life with me and bringing me home.” Callum choked back his emotions as he squeezed Ben’s hand tightly, letting him know he was finished.

The celebrant then turned towards Ben. He took a deep breath, composing himself before he spoke. “Callum. As soon as I laid eyes on you…I wanted to get in your pants.” Everyone laughed as Callum blushed, shaking his head but smiling. “From that very first time you got under my skin. I couldn’t keep away from you. I had no idea why at the time but now…well now I know it’s because we were meant to be. Thing is you see me, always have, from the second we met. Like no one ever has before. You know me and inside and out and you still choose to love me. I don’t know why sometimes but that fact that you do…well it makes me feel like I’m the luckiest man in the world.” Callum finally let his tears fall as he gazed at Ben lovingly. “You are the most beautiful person inside and out. You don’t realise how amazing you are. You’re modest and humble and one of the most selfless people I know. Before I met you I thought I was happy. But you elevate that to a whole new level. There was a piece of my heart that I kept locked away. Turns out you had the key all along. You brought me to life. You’re the missin piece. You make me whole. And I promise to spend the rest of my life showing you how grateful I am that you chose me.” Ben reached up and wiped Callum’s tears away as the all of their guest made let out a collective _aww._ Everyone had tears in their eyes. Even Callum’s brothers and Jay struggled to contain their emotions. With that they exchanged their rings. They’d chosen simple white gold bands with each other’s names inscribed in them. Callum had suggested that if they had each other’s names in each other’s rings; no matter where there were the other would always be with them. Ben loved the idea but told him he was always in his heart no matter what. After than the celebrant pronounced them husbands, whilst there was a collective roar of applause, Ben and Callum kissed each other tenderly, both whispering _I love you_. Once they’d signed the paper work they made their first journey as husbands; walking down the aisle hand in hand as flakes of confetti were thrown over them; their first steps towards forever.

After the ceremony, everyone went back to the restaurant and bar for a champagne reception. The terrace had been decorated with fairy lights and simple decorations. A banner stretched over the entrance which read _Congratulations to Mr and Mr Mitchell-Highway._ They’d settled on having a double-barrelled surname. Both their surnames had always been a negative thing for them; something that had prevented them being their true selves; both trying to live up to their name by their father’s standards. However Ben suggested if they joined them together, they could create a new name; one that stood for something different; that stood for all the good parts of both of them; that showed their strength and love for each other. The staff had prepared an elegant finger food buffet and a band played music whilst everyone ate and chatted. The atmosphere was perfect; relaxed and informal; just liked they’d hoped. By the time the moon had settled over the ocean, creating the silvery glow and shimmering gently, the formalities of the day were over. Both Jay and Lee gave equally moving speeches; managing to embarrass their brothers; telling them how proud they were of them; letting them know how they believed they were perfect for each other. Ben and Callum made a joint speech thanking everyone for being there and expressing now grateful they were for having such wonderful people who supported them. The reiterated their love for each other but agreed there’d been enough “Soppiness for one day.” as Ben put it; finishing off by telling everyone to have a good time and enjoy themselves. When it came time for their first dance, Callum held his hand out to Ben, “Will you do me the honour?” he said.

“What in front of everyone?” It’s not the time for exhibitionism Babe.” Ben quipped, before taking Callum’s hand as he rolled his eyes at him. When they reached the centre of the terrace, they shared another chaste kiss as the band played the introduction to Tiny Dancer. Ben placed one arm around Callum’s neck and the other in Callum’s hand, their joined hands placed in between them. Callum’s other hand wrapped around Ben’s waist. The moment was perfect; gazing into each other’s eyes; swaying along to the music in the moonlight; the ocean providing the perfect backdrop to the moment. This time when the word highway was sung they quickly added Mitchell in front of it and pointed at each other, laughing. “You happy?” Ben asked as he regarded Callum’s beaming face.

Callum nodded, “Yeh…I am. Today’s been perfect. Everythin I imagined and more. I love you.” Callum said before kissing him again. “What about you?”

“What do I love you? You’re alright I guess,” he teased with his usual smirk. “You know how much I love you.”

Callum rolled his eyes with a grin, “Not that you muppet. Are you happy?”

Ben looked at him intently, “No,” he began shaking his head slowly. “It goes way beyond that, happy don’t do it justice.” He leant up and pressed another kiss to Callum’s lips. Before pulling back and looking at his husband with total adoration. It was true. If anyone would have told Ben that one day he’d be stood here; on the terrace of his own bar and restaurant; overlooking the ocean; dancing with his husband in the moonlight; he’d have laughed at them. It was something he’d never thought he would want or need. Callum had given him the one thing he never knew he needed; true love. A gift that had brought him to life; one that had made him whole. Now he knew, he genuinely had everything he would ever need. He intended to treasure it every day; to make sure he gave just as much love back; to keep it safe. Knowing that what ever happened in the future, he would always be surrounded by love. Destiny wasn’t something he’d believed in until recently. But now he had no doubt, he was exactly where he was meant to be; in Callum’s arms; now and forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you so much for taking the time to read and stick with it until the end. This story was one I was nervous about as it was one that was requested by a few people. I hope I did it justice for you. Please feel free to let me know what you thought.   
> Take Care everyone and Merry Christmas to you all xxx

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter or tumblr @k8jax83


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